Author Topic: How do you get to heaven split from EP129  (Read 81672 times)

Bdoomed

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Reply #125 on: January 26, 2008, 06:22:32 AM
shame, i kinda liked Tweedy.
ummm
i believe it's blasphemous to call TCoRN 'russellism'
see now i have to do 50 hail russells




praise N_sh.

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


Thaurismunths

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Reply #126 on: January 26, 2008, 12:53:51 PM
A group of pandas bearing Euro-wrapped chocolates came by my house today, but they didn't have any ID, and I was too busy fornicating and worshipping my collection of Billy Joel CDs to pay any attention to them... you don't suppose they'll send a flood or Fire from the Sky to sort me out, do you?  Now THAT might convince me...
It is right and good that you should worship Billy Joel, be it his live concerts or digital recordings. This has endeared you to N-sh.
And fornicating ain't bad either.

praise N-sh
« Last Edit: January 26, 2008, 02:56:36 PM by Thaurismunths »

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Tango Alpha Delta

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Reply #127 on: January 26, 2008, 01:21:17 PM
A group of pandas bearing Euro-wrapped chocolates came by my house today, but they didn't have any ID, and I was too busy fornicating and worshipping my collection of Billy Joel CDs to pay any attention to them... you don't suppose they'll send a flood or Fire from the Sky to sort me out, do you?  Now THAT might convince me...
It is right and good that you should worship Billy Joel, be it his live concerts or digital recordings. This has endeared you to N-ash.
And fornicating ain't bad either.

praise N-ash

Oh, yeah... I'm the Original G-nash!   Next order of business: purge those Elton John-loving heretics!

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Czhorat

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Reply #128 on: January 27, 2008, 04:15:48 PM
And that would be right and good for they are ultimately R-ssell N-ash's chickens and he would like them returned.

Just make sure that they aren't fed corn, because corn is a dumb-ass crop and an abomination in the eyes of Russel Nash.

Such is the word of Russel.

The Word of Nash is the word of Nash and it is Nash's word.


Darwinist

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Reply #129 on: January 28, 2008, 02:30:39 AM
And that would be right and good for they are ultimately R-ssell N-ash's chickens and he would like them returned.

Just make sure that they aren't fed corn, because corn is a dumb-ass crop and an abomination in the eyes of Russel Nash.

Such is the word of Russel.

Ludicrous!  I have 95 reasons that corn is an awesome crop and I'd nail the list to N-sh's Berlin mansion door if I could afford the plane ticket to Germany.  We need to reform Russellism and return it to its corn-loving origins. 

For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.    -  Carl Sagan


Bdoomed

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Reply #130 on: January 28, 2008, 04:16:02 AM
We need to reform Russellism and return it to its corn-loving origins. 
BLASPHEMY!
its TCoRN!!!!!!
it has been decreed that since Corn is in the abbreviated name of the church that it is a sacreligeous crop

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


Czhorat

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Reply #131 on: January 28, 2008, 11:15:34 AM
We need to reform Russellism and return it to its corn-loving origins. 
BLASPHEMY!
its TCoRN!!!!!!
it has been decreed that since Corn is in the abbreviated name of the church that it is a sacreligeous crop

HE, the great Russell Nash, hath said unto us that the rise of King Corn came after WWII simply because we had all of this nitrogen processing capability left over from making bombs.

That as swords have been beaten into plowshares, so to have bombs been molded into the humble tortilla chip.

Then King Corn became a wicked tyrant, and cursed the people with high fructose corn syrup.

So said Russell Nash

The Word of Nash is the word of Nash and it is Nash's word.


DDog

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Reply #132 on: January 30, 2008, 03:30:52 PM
That is a very different criticism then "I looked carefully at what that person said and found flaws in their reasoning" - once you do that, then you are doing science.
Look at you, still talking when there's science to do...

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Bdoomed

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Reply #133 on: January 30, 2008, 08:46:48 PM
Eternity is the 35 minutes in my Economics class.
That also happens to be hell.
guess i shouldnt've sinned all those times.

i think hell will be extreme boredom while on caffene pills.
either that or someone constantly shouting in your ear.

anyways, if my entire life is just a test to see how i will spend eternity, i think ill just doodle.

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


Thaurismunths

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Reply #134 on: January 31, 2008, 01:08:40 AM
My personal favorite treatise on hell:

Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

As you study for exams, remember its not the quantity it's the quantity. And remember there is no substitute for pure unadulterated bull

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

    "First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

    Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

    Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

       1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
       2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

    So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

How do you fight a bully that can un-make history?


Russell Nash

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Reply #135 on: January 31, 2008, 07:14:38 PM
My personal favorite treatise on hell:

Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

As you study for exams, remember its not the quantity it's the quantity. And remember there is no substitute for pure unadulterated bull

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

[snip]

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

Disgustingly there is a version of this that of course leaves out the names and changes the ending.  I forget exactly how it worked, but they had hell as being endothermic because of the love of god (funny they never said which one.  Obviously they meant Odin).  I hate it when people do that.



Thaurismunths

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Reply #136 on: February 01, 2008, 01:29:14 AM
(funny they never said which one.  Obviously they meant Odin).
Obviously.
For it is the word of N-sh.

How do you fight a bully that can un-make history?


Tango Alpha Delta

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Reply #137 on: February 01, 2008, 12:47:11 PM
(funny they never said which one.  Obviously they meant Odin).
Obviously.
For it is the word of N-sh.


Couldn't be Odin... Eros would make sense though.  Do I get to be a heretic, now?  :D

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Russell Nash

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Reply #138 on: February 01, 2008, 01:22:01 PM
(funny they never said which one.  Obviously they meant Odin).
Obviously.
For it is the word of N-sh.


Couldn't be Odin... Eros would make sense though.  Do I get to be a heretic, now?  :D

Make a list of your credentials and submit them to the High Priest and Priestess in triplicate.



Tango Alpha Delta

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Reply #139 on: February 01, 2008, 03:28:44 PM
(funny they never said which one.  Obviously they meant Odin).
Obviously.
For it is the word of N-sh.


Couldn't be Odin... Eros would make sense though.  Do I get to be a heretic, now?  :D

Make a list of your credentials and submit them to the High Priest and Priestess in triplicate.


In my case, it should probably be a list of incredentials...

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Bdoomed

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Reply #140 on: February 01, 2008, 07:55:45 PM
(funny they never said which one.  Obviously they meant Odin).
Obviously.
For it is the word of N-sh.


Couldn't be Odin... Eros would make sense though.  Do I get to be a heretic, now?  :D

Make a list of your credentials and submit them to the High Priest and Priestess in triplicate.


In my case, it should probably be a list of incredentials...
thats enough incredentials for me.
i think TAD is TCoRN's first heretic.

such is the word of N_sh.

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


Russell Nash

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Reply #141 on: February 05, 2008, 09:11:45 AM
(funny they never said which one.  Obviously they meant Odin).
Obviously.
For it is the word of N-sh.


Couldn't be Odin... Eros would make sense though.  Do I get to be a heretic, now?  :D

Make a list of your credentials and submit them to the High Priest and Priestess in triplicate.


In my case, it should probably be a list of incredentials...
thats enough incredentials for me.
i think TAD is TCoRN's first heretic.

such is the word of N_sh.

An official Heretic,  I'm so proud.



Thaurismunths

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Reply #142 on: February 05, 2008, 11:27:27 PM
Welcome Heretic!
May you long suffer for your abominations against N-sh!

How do you fight a bully that can un-make history?


Tango Alpha Delta

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Reply #143 on: February 05, 2008, 11:50:32 PM
Welcome Heretic!
May you long suffer for your abominations against N-sh!

RAWK!!  Do I get to be hated and hunted just on my own merits (looks & personality, etc.) or do I need to nail 95 feces to a church?  (I'd rather not, because I really quite respect private property.)

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Bdoomed

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Reply #144 on: February 06, 2008, 12:29:38 AM
its okay, you are inherently hated.  you dont have to do anything.

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


Darwinist

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Reply #145 on: March 10, 2008, 04:36:06 PM
This just in from the Vatican - the list of mortal sins is being updated.  Fox is reporting that "ruining the environment" is one of the additions.  Quoting Fox News:

"It holds mortal sins to be “grave violations of the Ten Commandments and the Beatitudes,” including murder, contraception, abortion, perjury, adultery and lust.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that “immediately after death the souls of those who die in a state of mortal sin descend into Hell.”


For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.    -  Carl Sagan


Chodon

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Reply #146 on: March 10, 2008, 08:36:44 PM
New mortal sins:
Quote from: The Pope
Drug abuse
Genetic manipulation
Morally dubious experimentation
Environmental pollution
Social inequalities
Social injustice
Causing poverty
Accumulating excessive wealth at the expense of the common good

They seem a little more open to interpretation to the old deadly sins.  Is using a styrofoam cup something one should attend confession for?  Driving to work?  That's pollution, right?  Is recreational use of drugs abuse?  Do legal drugs count?  I think the Catholic church raised more questions than they answered.

Edited because I can't spel.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2008, 01:38:20 AM by Chodon »

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Russell Nash

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Reply #147 on: March 10, 2008, 09:09:06 PM
New mortal sins:
Quote from: The Pope
Drug abuse
Genetic manipulation
Morally dubious experimentation
Environmental pollution
Social inequalities
Social injustice
Causing poverty
Accumulating excessive welath at the expense of the common good

They seem a little more open to interpretation to the old deadly sins.  Is using a styrofoam cup something one should attend confession for?  Driving to work?  That's pollution, right?  Is recreational use of drugs abuse?  Do legal drugs count?  I think the Catholic church raised more questions than they answered.

Hey, the church trying to get people to think.  That's a new one!



Tango Alpha Delta

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Reply #148 on: March 10, 2008, 11:36:13 PM
Quote from: The Hairy Tick of TCoRN
Drug abuse - I'm very kind to all drugs (+1)
Genetic manipulation - that just sounds naughty; does choosing a hot wife count? (?)
Morally dubious experimentation - WTF?  How ELSE am I to select an eight-cylinder V-8 diesel marital aid without I experiment with it first? (-1)
Environmental pollution - Oh... but diesel is cleaner than it used to be...  (-1)
Social inequalities - Like not allowing female priests? (-1)
Social injustice - Like not allowing female priests? (-1)
Causing poverty - My own or someone else's?  (-1)
Accumulating excessive welath at the expense of the common good - Oh, great... we should just change our name to "United States Hades" and get it over with.  (-1)

Hmmm -5; well, nailing the 95 Theses would be littering, so I guess I'd better not...  and I'd tell you that was all tongue-in-cheek, but I fear the ambiguous "morally dubious" umbrella might shadow me!

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I finally published my book - Tad's Happy Funtime is on Amazon!