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Author Topic: Flash: Prey  (Read 6116 times)

Bdoomed

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on: February 06, 2008, 10:57:41 PM
Flash: Prey

By Monica Valentinelli

Read by Christiana Ellis

A musky scent drifts lazily on stale, moonlit air. Alara knows this scent—fear—it holds little meaning to her. Her hawk’s eyes narrow as she circles above the cemetery searching for her dinner. Focusing on a small, brown mouse huddled against a piece of stone, she dives to strike. The mouse spots her and freezes.

Something hot hisses and sparks, burning her dinner to a blackened crisp. Alara leaps to the night air, squawking in alarm. She lifts higher, caught by the smell of pungent, moldy earth and burning candle fat. Faint sounds penetrate the smells; a harsh voice interrupts the monotonous droning. Alara knows the voice—it belongs to her master.



Listen to this Pseudopod Flash.

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


eytanz

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Reply #1 on: February 06, 2008, 10:58:57 PM
Good imagery. The problem with a really short story from a non-traditional (in this case, animal) POV is that I'm not really sure what exactly happened. But I guess tha'ts besides the point.



goatkeeper

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Reply #2 on: February 07, 2008, 12:53:29 AM
I don't think it's beside the point.  I didn't really get it either- necromancer feeding bird to zombie?  I think?
Imagery alone works for painting- a story needs a story.



eytanz

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Reply #3 on: February 07, 2008, 07:13:38 AM
I don't think it's beside the point.  I didn't really get it either- necromancer feeding bird to zombie?  I think?
Imagery alone works for painting- a story needs a story.

Well, true, but this had enough of a story to sustain it, even though not everything was clear, especially not the character motivations.



Russell Nash

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Reply #4 on: February 07, 2008, 08:21:11 AM
I was moving along in the prose, quite enjoying myself.  When it ended, I had no idea what had happened.  It was like enjoying the drive to the mountain top restaurant, and then when I get there, I discover it's a McDonalds.



DDog

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Reply #5 on: February 12, 2008, 04:16:20 PM
This one was just a WTF, and not the good kind like "Brimstone Orange." Even the imagery was confusing. The reading was good though.

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gelee

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Reply #6 on: February 12, 2008, 09:07:35 PM
It's tough to evaluate flash pieces.  By definition, they're far too short to do most of the things that a traditional story does: plot, character, etc.  I've found that the flash fiction I've enjoyed most paints a very vivid picture for you, and gives you just enough information to let you sort out the "before" and "after" on your own.
I think the writing was solid: very vivid imagery, and an interesting POV.  Sadly, I just couldn't get a handle on the "before," and there doesn't seem to be an "after."



Czhorat

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Reply #7 on: February 13, 2008, 12:03:23 AM
My problem is that I kept thinking that I was supposed to understand something that the narrator didn't, but I couldn't figure out what it was supposed to be. It left me feeling a bit frustrated.

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Tango Alpha Delta

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Reply #8 on: March 23, 2008, 08:39:01 PM
"Don't bite the hand that feeds you... unless it feeds you to a zombie"?

This Wiki Won't Wrangle Itself!

I finally published my book - Tad's Happy Funtime is on Amazon!


Unblinking

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Reply #9 on: September 11, 2009, 06:36:41 PM
I've got to say I didn't understand what happened, which makes it hard to like, despite the interesting viewpoint.