Author Topic: PC026: Black Ribbon  (Read 19892 times)

Heradel

  • Bill Peters, EP Assistant
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 2938
  • Part-Time Psychopomp.
on: September 24, 2008, 12:54:52 AM
PC026: Black Ribbon

By Dawn Albright.
Read by Heather Welliver.
Introduction by Rachel Swirsky.
First appeared in Marion Zimmer Bradley’s Fantasy Magazine.

The woman measured three drops of poison into the milk and then poured the milk into the first baby’s bottle. She picked up the first baby, the twin wearing the black ribbon.

“Hush, sweetheart, hush,” she said, as she fed the baby girl the poisoned milk. The baby made a face at first, like she wanted to spit the cloth nipple out, but then she tasted the milk and drank everything in the bowl.

The woman gave the baby one of the last kisses she would ever feel and then she picked up the sister, the baby wearing the red ribbon, and fed her pure milk. The nurse wore no gloves, but in a few weeks she couldn’t touch the black-ribboned baby without protection.

Rated R. Contains poison and prostitutes. May not be suitable for the young or immature.

Intro Links:

Chasing the Bard by Phillipa Ballentine
Heather Welliver’s band The Shillas

I Twitter. I also occasionally blog on the Escape Pod blog, which if you're here you shouldn't have much trouble finding.


Ocicat

  • Castle Watchcat
  • Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 3722
  • Anything for a Weird Life
Reply #1 on: September 24, 2008, 08:14:25 PM
Well, it was a different kind of story about a prostitute.  I'm not sure it was actually good, but I don't think it was bad.  Really, it might need another listen to digest it.  Everything seemed pretty straightforward (as these things go) until her keeper kissed her on the cheek and ran off.  I had no clue why she'd done that, and perhaps as a result didn't really understand the motivations for the sudden killing spree.  Were they meant to be related?  Guess I just didn't quite get it.

Unfortunately there were sound issues that got in the way.  Almost all the sound was coming out of the left speaker, which made listening in the car somewhat less than ideal. 



Nobilis

  • Peltast
  • ***
  • Posts: 156
    • Nobilis Erotica Podcast
Reply #2 on: September 24, 2008, 08:34:12 PM
This is a story about a strange woman.  She starts out a sad, quiet, passive girl, who knows that she is being used as an assassination tool and seems to accept it, until the day comes when it is time for her to strike.  After witnessing the only woman she ever loved commit suicide using her body as the weapon, the woman's psyche completely transforms.  At this moment she becomes a cheerfully vindictive sociopath, who not only kills her target, but also everyone she has ever known.

This is a tale of sudden insanity.

As such, it is not so much a story about people as they are, or people as they might be, as it is a story about people in service to a plot.  In a short story we can expect most of the characters to be cardboard cutouts and archetypes, there to provide the setting for the main character to play out their story, but when the main character is herself a marionette, jerked about by the whims of the author, I see the strings and I am unimpressed.

This story was poorly chosen.  Boo, PodCastle, Boo.  I lob rotting vegetables in your general direction.



deflective

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 1171
Reply #3 on: September 24, 2008, 11:08:22 PM
my point is similar to Nobilis'. the story didn't provide proper motivation for the things that were done.

the incredibly difficult and longterm method of assassination was unnecessary since she can meet with the ambassador without being searched and he immediately follows her through the city. i was expecting courtly intrigue & paranoia along the lines of dune instead of a scenario where any schmuck with a stick could get the job done.

and why kill someone to break a hymen?

events seemed disproportionate to their justification. i'm not going to lob rotten vegetables but the story doesn't deserve reward either. all carrots withheld.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2008, 06:00:06 PM by deflective »



eytanz

  • Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 6109
Reply #4 on: September 24, 2008, 11:41:31 PM
I agree entirely with Nobilis. The story seemed great for about 75% of the way, and then it was entirely clear the author had no idea how to end it, and the way she chose to end it made it clear that the beginning didn't really hold together either.

As for the "why kill a man to break a hymen" question - a more important one would be "why bother?" Wouldn't it be far too late for the ambassador at the time when he was in a position to notice? Especially since it seemed that the poison was fast acting enough that he'd be sick long before her clothes were off her.

Also, this is a really minor nitpick, but didn't the fact that this whole plot was designed to murder an ambassador bother anyone? I mean, sure, he seemed to be more of a colonial governor than ambassador in position if not title, but still. Doesn't either imply that there are more where he came from? Kill a conquering king/emperor/president, and maybe you de-stabalize his country enough to get under their grasp. Kill an ambassador/governor and all you get is a pissed off foreign nation that has already proven its dominance over you. What's the point?



Rachel Swirsky

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 1233
    • PodCastle
Reply #5 on: September 25, 2008, 12:18:33 AM
Hmm. Well, since I'm the one standing in the hail of rotten fruit, I'll respond -- I disagree that the story doesn't establish character psychology. I know I'd go mad if the only person who ever loved me had just kissed me to kill herself.

But more than that, I think the ultimate problem here is that this is a character who has been prepared for her entire life for the execution of a single task. The priestesses think they've got control of her. They think it's safe to manipulate her into someone who has no knowledge of the world, but will kill at their command. But what do they expect to do with her after she's killed? There's no way for her to become non-poisonous; she will always be deadly. It seems fairly clear that the priestesses will kill her when her task is completed. Does Keriss know that consciously? I'd doubt it. But she does know that she has been sheltered from the world, kept and honed like a weapon, and that now she has been "detonated" -- the sense of strange, dizzying freedom she seems to feel comes across to me in her hesitance at the governor's mansion, her invention of the sacrificed hens. She's jealous of red Keriss, and she's angry at the people who've turned her into what she is -- both the invading force that the priestesses would kill, and the priestesses themselves. The only person who she isn't mad at, who might put a face of humanity on the equation, is already dead, and Keriss hasn't had to "see her vomitting in the streets." What has Keriss, who has been focused on this one task, ever thought about "after?" Suddenly, she has both a great deal of motive to kill an enormous amount of people, but also the opportunity both physically -- she's been physically let out of those rooms for the first time in her life -- and psychically -- she's lost the things that kept her sane, her nurse and her "reason for existing" (which was always murder in the first place).

I think all this is established subtextually, both in the creation of the circumstances, and also in the ways in which the plot, mood and language shift over the course of the piece to mirror Keriss's increasing mental turbulence.



stePH

  • Actually has enough cowbell.
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 3906
  • Cool story, bro!
    • Thetatr0n on SoundCloud
Reply #6 on: September 25, 2008, 12:38:18 AM
Unfortunately there were sound issues that got in the way.  Almost all the sound was coming out of the left speaker, which made listening in the car somewhat less than ideal. 


This is my complaint as well.  Unbalanced sound is a pod peeve of mine. 

I tried to listen to this one on the ride home from work, but listening on the bus is trying even given the best audio quality.  I had to abandon the story two minutes in and listen to something else instead.

"Nerdcore is like playing Halo while getting a blow-job from Hello Kitty."
-- some guy interviewed in Nerdcore Rising


eytanz

  • Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 6109
Reply #7 on: September 25, 2008, 12:50:14 AM
(responding to Rachel, stePH posted while I was writing) That makes sense. And it is consistent with the story. But if it's hinted at subtextually, well, it's done badly, given that so far, four out of four posters didn't get it, and I don't think any of us (with the possible exception of myself) is particularly obtuse.

It may be that this the fault of the reading, rather than the author. Maybe this story reads differently on paper than in audio. But the story as given - the story I heard - does not provide enough to justify the explanation given above.

Not to mention that the explanation does account for the main character's actions in the context of the assassination plot, but it still doesn't alter how mind-numbingly stupid the plot is. In fact, it makes it moreso - what was supposed to happen after the ambassador was poisoned? Was she simply to return home, touching no-one, and submit to her fate? Wouldn't there be an investigation anyway? Would anyone but an utter moron fail to connect the woman who showed up at the ambassador's door with his poisoning, and through her the priestesses? Why not poison him at the brothel, for that matter?

And as deflective pointed out, she could just have easily killed him with a dagger, given the lax security. Or she could poison his wine while her visited the brothel. Or if you feel like being fancier- as we know stray dogs are available - why not raise a poison puppy, and get the ambassador to pet it (or be bitten by it)? Note that the priestesses's plot involved waiting for a girl to grow into adulthood. That's what, 16 or 17 years of keeping your country under opression just to have a plan that could be easily stopped by a servent touching her flesh and getting sick en route to calling his master?

Anyway, this story - at least as presented in the PC version - layers thin, though consistent, character psychology on a totally implausible edifice of a plot. With a premise as silly as this story, even good psychological development wouldn't be enough - it would have to be utterly brilliant to make the story actually work. This story failed to supply that, by a long shot.

« Last Edit: September 25, 2008, 01:03:09 AM by eytanz »



hoyajon

  • Extern
  • *
  • Posts: 6
Reply #8 on: September 25, 2008, 01:35:15 AM
A poorly written story, by any measurement.  Really just unoriginal.  This idea was first used by Hawthorne in "Rappacini's Daughter".  And a poorly executed twist on that story -- Nobilis hit it on the head, that it had a deus ex machina ending.  There was no reason for the black ribbon to kill the red ribbon.  I enjoyed the reading, and only the reading.



wintermute

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 1291
  • What Would Batman Do?
Reply #9 on: September 25, 2008, 01:38:20 AM
I pretty much agree with the consensus so far. It wasn't bad, but the high quality we've seen so far means that it might just be my least favourite PC so far.

Science means that not all dreams can come true


Ocicat

  • Castle Watchcat
  • Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 3722
  • Anything for a Weird Life
Reply #10 on: September 25, 2008, 02:49:55 AM
You know, I get that she had reason to go on a rampage - I do - but big deal.  What left me scratching my head was why the nurse killed herself?  She was in on the plot from day one, so I don't buy that she was remorseful about black ribbon's fate. 

And ya, the assassination plot was pretty outrageous.  Reminds me of Valdemort's plot in Goblet of Fire: "We'll put a false teacher into the school and elaborately rig a contest so that Harry will win it, so that he'll touch the trophy, which we've magic'ed to teleport him to me!!!"  ... uh, why didn't you just, I don't know, magic up his shoes to teleport him there?



Nobilis

  • Peltast
  • ***
  • Posts: 156
    • Nobilis Erotica Podcast
Reply #11 on: September 25, 2008, 10:43:53 AM
If a story needs to be explained in order to make sense, then it doesn't make sense.



Rain

  • Matross
  • ****
  • Posts: 178
Reply #12 on: September 25, 2008, 02:36:10 PM
I liked this story for what it was, which wasnt much since it didnt really seem like a complete story, something a lot of short stories suffer from.

Here is what i want to know :

Why did they want to kill the ambassador?
The act of making Black Ribbon poisonous was interesting, but it seems to be an overtly complicated way of killing a guy, why not just stab him with a sword or something?
What was the point of the sister? Why not just have Black Ribbon go to that ambassador and just touch him?
What was the point of the random killings at the end?

Overall it was a great idea, but all the plot holes really lowers my opinion of the story
« Last Edit: September 25, 2008, 02:40:36 PM by Rain »



Rain

  • Matross
  • ****
  • Posts: 178
Reply #13 on: September 25, 2008, 02:42:19 PM
Given the recent debate maybe you should just go all out an make a 4th Escape Artists podcast : PODstitute!  :D



DKT

  • Friendly Neighborhood
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 4980
  • PodCastle is my Co-Pilot
    • Psalms & Hymns & Spiritual Noir
Reply #14 on: September 25, 2008, 05:19:29 PM
I thought the suicide kiss and the closing line were pretty good, actually.  As well as the character's motivation.  But the plot to kill the ambassador, raise to twins for 16-17 years to do it, and go to the lengths they did seemed a bit far-fetched, or maybe just far-sighted, for me.  I don't know really why they wanted to kill him.  Was he really that bad of an ambassador almost 20 years ago?  What was the thing he did that was so bad that they would spend this long plotting to kill him, and in such a fashion.  (For that matter, was he really an ambassador for that long?)   

I can imagine why someone would wait that long and put together as nutty a plot as this one (see the movie: Oldboy).  But I have a hard time when I never find out the motivation behind it all.


Heradel

  • Bill Peters, EP Assistant
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 2938
  • Part-Time Psychopomp.
Reply #15 on: September 25, 2008, 07:52:22 PM
I thought the suicide kiss and the closing line were pretty good, actually.  As well as the character's motivation.  But the plot to kill the ambassador, raise to twins for 16-17 years to do it, and go to the lengths they did seemed a bit far-fetched, or maybe just far-sighted, for me.  I don't know really why they wanted to kill him.  Was he really that bad of an ambassador almost 20 years ago?  What was the thing he did that was so bad that they would spend this long plotting to kill him, and in such a fashion.  (For that matter, was he really an ambassador for that long?)   

I can imagine why someone would wait that long and put together as nutty a plot as this one (see the movie: Oldboy).  But I have a hard time when I never find out the motivation behind it all.

So basically: "Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya ... Prepare to die."

I Twitter. I also occasionally blog on the Escape Pod blog, which if you're here you shouldn't have much trouble finding.


DKT

  • Friendly Neighborhood
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 4980
  • PodCastle is my Co-Pilot
    • Psalms & Hymns & Spiritual Noir
Reply #16 on: September 25, 2008, 07:57:32 PM
I thought the suicide kiss and the closing line were pretty good, actually.  As well as the character's motivation.  But the plot to kill the ambassador, raise to twins for 16-17 years to do it, and go to the lengths they did seemed a bit far-fetched, or maybe just far-sighted, for me.  I don't know really why they wanted to kill him.  Was he really that bad of an ambassador almost 20 years ago?  What was the thing he did that was so bad that they would spend this long plotting to kill him, and in such a fashion.  (For that matter, was he really an ambassador for that long?)   

I can imagine why someone would wait that long and put together as nutty a plot as this one (see the movie: Oldboy).  But I have a hard time when I never find out the motivation behind it all.

So basically: "Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya ... Prepare to die."

I think I'm missing the "basically."  It might be the cider I'm drinking ;) Are you saying Princess Bride is a good example of motivation or a poor example of it?


Heradel

  • Bill Peters, EP Assistant
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 2938
  • Part-Time Psychopomp.
Reply #17 on: September 25, 2008, 08:13:05 PM
I thought the suicide kiss and the closing line were pretty good, actually.  As well as the character's motivation.  But the plot to kill the ambassador, raise to twins for 16-17 years to do it, and go to the lengths they did seemed a bit far-fetched, or maybe just far-sighted, for me.  I don't know really why they wanted to kill him.  Was he really that bad of an ambassador almost 20 years ago?  What was the thing he did that was so bad that they would spend this long plotting to kill him, and in such a fashion.  (For that matter, was he really an ambassador for that long?)   

I can imagine why someone would wait that long and put together as nutty a plot as this one (see the movie: Oldboy).  But I have a hard time when I never find out the motivation behind it all.

So basically: "Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya ... Prepare to die."

I think I'm missing the "basically."  It might be the cider I'm drinking ;) Are you saying Princess Bride is a good example of motivation or a poor example of it?

I left out the part of the speech where he states his motivation, rendered in full it's "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die." I wasn't trying to make a direct parallel to the PB, just illustrate what you were saying when you said "I don't know really why they wanted to kill him.".

I Twitter. I also occasionally blog on the Escape Pod blog, which if you're here you shouldn't have much trouble finding.


deflective

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 1171
Reply #18 on: September 25, 2008, 08:29:43 PM
i assumed (rather groundlessly) that the twins were raised as assassins and their services sold to a bidder. i didn't really think too much about the ambassador... though this could all make sense if we make up a new plot!

the madam was actually their mother! she raised them in a twisted revenge plot against a runaway fiance who left her pregnant with twins. moments before finishing her plot she was overcome and kissed her daughter for the second, and last, time.

is there no story that can't be forced to make sense by making the characters crazy? =)



JoeFitz

  • Matross
  • ****
  • Posts: 258
Reply #19 on: September 25, 2008, 09:14:20 PM
I was thoroughly unimpressed with this story.

Firstly, the 'girl who cannot be touched' is a tired plot device. So is "lover who can't tell twins apart."

I was also not impressed with the "unloved child turns into killer but it's okay because she had a bad childhood" vibe.

You don't wake up and become a socio/psychopath (antisocial personality disorder), especially not because of some overt act of love. If anything the "twist" demonstrates that this girl is and always was such a person. Like her sister said: "don't play innocent."

Although her violent turn has marks of catathymic criminality (an emotional trauma, delusional thinking that violence/killing is the only option, and putting a plan in motion) the author seems to be attempting to garner sympathy. Lots of people have traumatic childhoods but don't end up murderers: heck her own sister was raised as a sex worker who had work to feed both herself and her sister.

I think the story that the editor(s) outlined above would have been an okay story. But this one was not great.




DKT

  • Friendly Neighborhood
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 4980
  • PodCastle is my Co-Pilot
    • Psalms & Hymns & Spiritual Noir
Reply #20 on: September 26, 2008, 12:00:44 AM
I thought the suicide kiss and the closing line were pretty good, actually.  As well as the character's motivation.  But the plot to kill the ambassador, raise to twins for 16-17 years to do it, and go to the lengths they did seemed a bit far-fetched, or maybe just far-sighted, for me.  I don't know really why they wanted to kill him.  Was he really that bad of an ambassador almost 20 years ago?  What was the thing he did that was so bad that they would spend this long plotting to kill him, and in such a fashion.  (For that matter, was he really an ambassador for that long?)   

I can imagine why someone would wait that long and put together as nutty a plot as this one (see the movie: Oldboy).  But I have a hard time when I never find out the motivation behind it all.

So basically: "Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya ... Prepare to die."

I think I'm missing the "basically."  It might be the cider I'm drinking ;) Are you saying Princess Bride is a good example of motivation or a poor example of it?

I left out the part of the speech where he states his motivation, rendered in full it's "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die." I wasn't trying to make a direct parallel to the PB, just illustrate what you were saying when you said "I don't know really why they wanted to kill him.".

Ah. Carry on, then :)


RedKamel

  • Extern
  • *
  • Posts: 2
Reply #21 on: September 26, 2008, 01:44:59 AM
I think something that was missed here is that Black Ribbon was sent to kill the ambassador and she may suspect that her keepers will kill upon her return, but there's no indication of that in the story. So we have to believe that they would not (can't prove a negative). What we are missing here is that by going on her killing spree and possibly killing her keepers she is killing herself. She needs them to supply the daily antidote to the poison or she will die. Basically this is a nuclear bomb being used as a surgical tool (or to quote from Indiana Jones "They would use a bulldozer to find a china cup"). It's just one of many plot issues to add to those already mentioned here. I think this was a pretty weak story containing an overused devise of twins where one is "bad" and one is "good". One get's all the praise and the other none. Repressed people making elaborate plots against their government. Religious house defiled by said oppressors. I could go on, but I think that everyone else covered it pretty well.



Dwango

  • Matross
  • ****
  • Posts: 166
Reply #22 on: September 26, 2008, 08:41:09 PM
I too think there needs to be more story to this story to explain more.  I was expecting some sort of all powerful lord needing assassination.  Someone very hard to get close to or having some sort of special protections.  The ambassador seems an awful bland target for so much planning a preparation.  He did not seem especially difficult to access, considering she just had to ask one person to get to him, in the night, without announcement.  With so much work I was expecting a kind of moral story about whether its worth destroying a person's life in order to rid the world of some evil.  As I don't know who set it up, I wonder if she even got any kind of revenge in killing everyone.  Maybe thats what they actually wanted, but I don't know.

I understood the ending, and her mental breakdown.  But it did not have the emotional impact I think the piece was aiming for.  I felt some sympathy for her plight, but it did not make me care about her fate, nor her final decision.  It was logical in its way, but it had no resonance with me.

Another problem I had with this piece was the reading.  Not the reader, she was fine, but the time period changes without any verbal cues.  It was difficult to grasp what happened when it ran along without a pause from one time period to the next.  I had to rewind to hear it again and note what was going on.  The move from baby to woman was done in barely a breath; I was mentally whiplashed trying to interpret the quick change.



Nobilis

  • Peltast
  • ***
  • Posts: 156
    • Nobilis Erotica Podcast
Reply #23 on: September 27, 2008, 12:54:02 AM
Dwango, by "time period" you mean scene breaks?

Yes, I think scene breaks should always be punctuated, in audio, by some kind of device.



Chivalrybean

  • Peltast
  • ***
  • Posts: 158
    • The Space Turtle
Reply #24 on: September 27, 2008, 03:22:49 AM
I only listened to a minute or so, got kind of annoyed with the audio being one sided, and it was depressing right off, and I was having a good day, so I skipped this one. I read all the comments here, and don't think I'll listen. If the audio were fixed and re-released, I might give it a try.

I have listened to a podcast that for a few episodes was coming out of only one earbud, but the content was good enough to put up with it. *cough*Daveshotfirst*cough*

The Space Turtle - News that didn't happen, stories to entertain.


ryos

  • Palmer
  • **
  • Posts: 60
Reply #25 on: September 27, 2008, 04:46:53 PM
A decent story with an interesting premise.

I don't feel like any of the characters were very fleshed out, even the protagonist. In the end, I didn't see in her character the desire to kill everyone. She had motive enough, but the characterization just wasn't there enough for me to feel like it made sense for her to be doing it.



ryos

  • Palmer
  • **
  • Posts: 60
Reply #26 on: September 27, 2008, 05:19:40 PM
*Goes back, reads thread* (I never read the threads before responding; they tend to color my reaction.)

Everyone assumes the nursemaid killed herself, but when I listened to the story that wasn't at all clear to me. Remember, "it takes more than that (referring to Keriss petting the dog) to poison a man." I just assumed the dose from a single, brief kiss was enough to make ill but not to kill.

Taking as given that the nursemaid committed suicide, the killing spree makes a little more sense for the character. Also, the fact that she felt the death of the dog more than that of the man seems like an attempt at establishing a sociopathic personality.

People also pointed out the retardation of the assassination plot. I had assumed while listening that Keriss in Black had been created for the same reason people make swords: not to kill any specific person, but for use in a time of need. They found someone they wanted dead, so they used her. They could have used any number of other methods in this case, but Keriss was the weapon they had and when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. I agree that it would be idiotic to plot the murder for so long in this way, but I didn't get from the story that that was the case.

I also didn't get that the assassination would be the end of Keriss' life. Maybe the ruse about warning of a plot to kill him was supposed to allow them to get away with it, and live to kill another day. Maybe killing this one man would destabilize the ruling class enough to restore power to the natives?



Hilary Moon Murphy

  • Palmer
  • **
  • Posts: 76
  • Proving the inherent superiority of purple hair
Reply #27 on: September 29, 2008, 05:43:50 PM
Finally got the chance to listen to this one. 

Before I comment, let me hand Rachel a tarp.  (She needs something to keep all the rotten fruit off... Honestly, have you seen what rotten fruit can do to your wardrobe?  It can be really hard to wash it out at times.)

I will play dissenter and say that I enjoyed this story.  As a writer of a story with another poisonous female (Li Chi in Run of the Fiery Horse) I realize that I am biased here.  There is something about the theme of the poisonous girl that really appeals to me, especially when the author takes time to explore the character's feelings about being a literal poison to those you love.  My reading of this story was pretty similar to Rachel's.  Black Kerris is one messed up girl -- created as a weapon, deprived of touch, and always having to see a twin who gets the best of everything.  Red Kerris was special, coveted, and had a claim of royal heritage.  She had laughter, dancing, and companionship.  Black Kerris only got the mere shadow of her sister's often resentful company.  I totally bought that she would want revenge, but even more want one last night of touching and human contact.

However, even I thought that the whole "Let's break your hymen by killing a guy" thing was just awful.  *Splotch!*  (Sorry Rachel.  I had to throw at least one rotten peach.  But hey, I supplied the tarp.  Remember that.)

And I won't throw a fruit over this, but I wish that the assassination attempt of the Ambassador/Governor/High Muckety-Muck had been done with more finesse.  I wanted more subtlety and better planning for the assassination attempt.

Still, over all I liked this one.

Hmm
(Speaking for the Dissent)



Listener

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 3187
  • I place things in locations which later elude me.
    • Various and Sundry Items of Interest
Reply #28 on: September 30, 2008, 01:09:00 PM
I enjoyed the story, once I got into it -- the beginning was kind of tough to follow as audio.

I agree with much of the dissent in terms of plot devices and the nurse killing herself. The "cheerful sociopath" ending was interesting, but I think it was done so the story would fit into its last line -- "I want to dance with everyone tonight."

This almost seems like a slice out of a larger piece -- how will the ambassador's death change things? Just how badly were these people trodden upon?

The thought of being completely insulated the way Black Ribbon was is kind of scary, and the fact that the touch of a stray dog's fur could evoke that kind of reaction was very powerful.

So... not necessarily a great story, but it had good points. I still liked it.

"Farts are a hug you can smell." -Wil Wheaton

Blog || Quote Blog ||  Written and Audio Work || Twitter: @listener42


Hatton

  • Peltast
  • ***
  • Posts: 88
    • Front Porch Political Talk
Reply #29 on: September 30, 2008, 07:19:14 PM
I can't say that I loved it - it was interesting, kept my attention and didn't suck... the pure evil of the girl at the end was just a bit over the top.

She went from assassin to mass murderer way too fast for me.

Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.


Roney

  • Lochage
  • *****
  • Posts: 440
Reply #30 on: October 26, 2008, 10:23:31 PM
She went from assassin to mass murderer way too fast for me.

On the other hand, I never expected anything different.  She was the biggest Chekhov's gun I've seen in fiction for a long time and the logic of the story could only have been that she would shoot herself at anyone and everyone in the third act.  Alternatively, looking at the psychological angle, killing is the one and only thing that she's good at -- indeed, pretty much the only thing she can do.  Most people find that they learn to enjoy the things that come naturally to them.

I didn't have any problem with the poisonous girl as the assassination weapon either.  It was one of those things that only takes a few seconds' effort to come up with an explanatory backstory, so there's no pressing need to burden the story with it.  Some candidates: there's a long tradition of female poison assassins; it is believed to bring an especially nasty curse on the associates of the victim; it is the only method the perpetrators know of that they think won't be traced back to them; it is symbolic, the means by which the victim and/or everyone else will know that they have had their revenge.  Whatever -- it doesn't really matter, like the details of who the ambassador is, why they want to kill him, etc.  This story isn't about the murder, it's about the weapon.

I enjoyed the story just for the anticipation of how Black Ribbon would detonate.  Perhaps expecting a bit too much, I found the actual ending slightly pedestrian.



deflective

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 1171
Reply #31 on: October 29, 2008, 07:01:59 AM
a halloween tale.
dry, but i promise you it's true.



stePH

  • Actually has enough cowbell.
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 3906
  • Cool story, bro!
    • Thetatr0n on SoundCloud
Reply #32 on: October 29, 2008, 06:07:35 PM
a halloween tale.
dry, but i promise you it's true.

I remember that!  In fact just yesterday or the day before I was trying to remember the name of the woman in that case so I could look it up again.  Thanks for saving me the legwork.

"Nerdcore is like playing Halo while getting a blow-job from Hello Kitty."
-- some guy interviewed in Nerdcore Rising


Dwango

  • Matross
  • ****
  • Posts: 166
Reply #33 on: October 29, 2008, 06:57:51 PM
Dwango, by "time period" you mean scene breaks?

Yes, I think scene breaks should always be punctuated, in audio, by some kind of device.

Yes, scene breaks would be a good term.  I found that story 30, Grand Guignol did the pauses just perfectly.  It made a somewhat complex story much more listenable.



Unblinking

  • Sir Postsalot
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 8729
    • Diabolical Plots
Reply #34 on: January 06, 2010, 06:17:38 PM
It was an interesting idea, but the whole assassination plot was just too ridiculously silly to take even remotely seriously.  If, like ryos said, the intent of creating her as a weapon was to have a general purpose weapon, then that makes way more sense then to spend 17 years cultivating a one-shot gun.  But I didn't get that impression at all during the story. 

The core ideas are interesting, especially the human weapon which turns on its masters, and the woman with a poisonous touch.  But because the whole plot was so silly it's hard to really get into even these themes, and both of these themes have been covered by X-Men (Wolverine and Rogue respectively).  That alone isn't a criticism--X-Men have been around a long time and done a lot of stuff, so saying that alone is just like the argument "Simpsons did it!" doesn't carry much weight.  But if it'd been something I'd never seen before it might've wowed me enough to overcome the ridiculousness.

Also, I didn't understand why her nurse kissed her, and her flipout at the end seemed too much of a character change with no reason behind.  But those I can probably write off by simply saying "I didn't fully understand the character" or perhaps "To understand the insane you must be insane".