Author Topic: Pseudopod 117: Deep Red  (Read 13218 times)

Bdoomed

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on: November 23, 2008, 10:21:21 AM
Pseudopod 117: Deep Red

By Floris M. Kleijne

Read by Ben Phillips

Blood matting her blonde hair, blood on her face, blood covering so much of her it takes a moment to see she is naked. The dream gives me an eternity to see her. Eyes wide open and shining, shining. And she grins. That grin has never stopped haunting me. In the dream, I know what she’s done in the bedroom. And I’ve never seen her happier, more exulted.

Deep Red envelopes her, emanates from her every visible pore. It’s like she has taken a bath in perfume. The scent engulfs me, blurs my mind, until I smell only that and see only her grin. Her lips part, and in the dream, she speaks two words.

“Hey, baby…” she says, and in the calm and affectionate tone of her words, the horror of the dream reaches an unbearable level.


Full text available here



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Zathras

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Reply #1 on: November 23, 2008, 05:27:34 PM
Wow.  Another great PP.  I could have seen the twist coming, I suppose, but I wasn't looking for it.  I think Ben is my favorite narrator, and he turned in another superb performance here.  All around great job on this one.



eytanz

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Reply #2 on: November 23, 2008, 05:42:56 PM
The good:

- Ben's narration was, as usual, excellent.
- I think this story was really good at keeping out sympathies with the protagonist throughout. Even in the beginning - when it's clear that something bad has happened in his past, but it's not clear if he was responsible for it or not - he was sympathetic. Then, as we learnt that he was a victim, that made him more sympathetic, setting us up for the twist.

The bad:

- The story rested on a huge coincidence. The fact that the new girlfriend chose the exact same day to try the "deep red" perfume as when the guy discovered the psychotic woman escaped... And that she chose, apparently for the first time ever, to spray this new perfume all over the house - and that she didn't, say, wait for him in bed, where he could see her, but in the bathroom, and that she chose to leave the bath with a back-scrubber that could be confused as an ax...

This felt like an old late-night tv horror show episode, and not in a good way.

- The girlfriend (the one who was shot in the end) was not developed as a character; she didn't really seem to play any role except to accidentally do everything to get herself killed.




Zathras

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Reply #3 on: November 23, 2008, 05:57:51 PM
Aren't strange coincidences and unusual events an integral part of most fiction?  Really, who wants to read a story about a guy who goes to work, comes home, spends time wiht his family and then goes to bed?  I see your points, eytanz, and these things were a bit over the top in this story.



eytanz

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Reply #4 on: November 23, 2008, 06:27:12 PM
Aren't strange coincidences and unusual events an integral part of most fiction?  Really, who wants to read a story about a guy who goes to work, comes home, spends time wiht his family and then goes to bed?  I see your points, eytanz, and these things were a bit over the top in this story.

Things don't have to be coincidences to be different from normal life. Take last week's PP story (Sick Day) - nothing that happened in it was coincidence. But it was hardly just a normal person going through a normal day, was it?

Oh, and another thing I didn't mention - the story outright lies. In the beginning, the narrator says that it wouldn't have mattered if he had made a complete search of the house early on. But it would have. Had he entered his bedroom before talking to Mark, he would not have been holding the shotgun and the gf would not have died. And indeed, probably nothing would have happened at all - or maybe he would have freaked out, and had to explain himself, but that still would have been very different.

I guess part of my problem is that the whole story is given as a recollection, but it doesn't sound like someone describing a horrible event from their past. At parts, it does, when the narrator talks about the events of four years prior. But for most of the story, the narrator is quite deliberately structuring the story as a campfire tall tale. I didn't get the feeling that this person actually lived through these events.



MacArthurBug

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Reply #5 on: November 24, 2008, 02:23:49 PM
Great and truly interesting story.

Also: I should not listen to PP whilst shopping in the craft store.  My loud "EEw" over a scene caused heads to turn and inquisitive eyebrows to raise.  Ah well.

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gelee

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Reply #6 on: November 24, 2008, 07:19:50 PM
I enjoyed this one.  Perhaps it was the reading, but this story did a great job of inspiring that looming dread that slasher films try so hard to achieve, and usually fail at.



deflective

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Reply #7 on: November 24, 2008, 07:58:27 PM
Aren't strange coincidences and unusual events an integral part of most fiction?

the standby seems to be that unusual events and coincidences are ok in establishing a premise (eg, girlfriend as an axe murderer), even the outright impossible can be accept (vampires, superheros, etc), but once the story starts you want things to flow naturally without seeming contrived.

the audience can accept that a character has a supernatural safecracking ability but will have trouble with the same character randomly hitting buttons and opening a safe just when it's needed.



600south

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Reply #8 on: November 25, 2008, 11:12:30 PM
That was a pretty good one, and I didn't see the twist coming.
I did find myself almost saying out loud, "just get out of the house til your friend arrives!" a few times though.



Listener

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Reply #9 on: November 26, 2008, 11:15:22 AM
Not nearly as good as his last outing into EA podcasts. As was said, too many coincidences. I just felt like the story itself was a waste. If I wanted insane coincidences, I'd watch 24.

Ben's reading was fine, except for the shouting. Was he trying not to wake someone up?

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Dwango

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Reply #10 on: November 26, 2008, 03:16:13 PM
Oh, and another thing I didn't mention - the story outright lies. In the beginning, the narrator says that it wouldn't have mattered if he had made a complete search of the house early on. But it would have. Had he entered his bedroom before talking to Mark, he would not have been holding the shotgun and the gf would not have died. And indeed, probably nothing would have happened at all - or maybe he would have freaked out, and had to explain himself, but that still would have been very different.

I don't think the story lies.  I think the main character was lying to himself.  He already made up his mind to what was happening.  He made this into a revenge issue, he wanted control.  If he'd simply called the police and left, none of this would have happened.  I think this statement sets up the plot of how our minds trick us, and I'm glad you noticed it because I missed it.

This story falls right in the category of Tales from the Crypt stories.  Ridiculous coincidences set up a crazy twist in the story.  I like to think of them as magic trick stories, where the point of the story is to misdirect you so when the reality occurs, it surprises you.  Problem is, there are only so many ways to misdirect people in a story, and this one failed to fool me.  When he had the shotgun in his own house and a new girlfriend who he loved, that tipped me off that something bad would happen to the girlfriend.  Anyone paranoid and with a gun, having to go to therapy, is not going to lead to a good ending for someone.  And when the story only described the hand of the girl, my suspicions were confirmed she was going to be his current girlfriend.  This is what you get for watching too many Twilight Zone and Outer Limits shows.



DKT

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Reply #11 on: November 26, 2008, 05:06:21 PM
I enjoyed this one -- the writing felt solid to me and got me in the mood so that when he was creeping up the stairs with the shotgun, I was like GET OUT OF THEIR, MAN!!!

I saw the twist coming maybe a minute before it did, which was great.

On reflection, it does seem like an insanely big coincidence.  Not just a coincidence, but a very convenient coincidence.  I'm not sure if there's a real difference between the two, but the more I think about it: the same new perfume all over the house? Going into the bath tub exactly like his wife? Saying exactly what his wife did? 

Still, for some reason, that didn't bother me too much.  The mood and tone the author set plus Ben's solid reading really made this one work for me.  After hearing this and "Coffee and Marbles," I'd definitely like to hear more from Floris Kleijne. 


DKT

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Reply #12 on: November 26, 2008, 06:32:48 PM
Oh, also wanted to say thanks for linking to the text of the story!


gelee

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Reply #13 on: December 01, 2008, 10:47:15 PM
I enjoyed this one -- the writing felt solid to me and got me in the mood so that when he was creeping up the stairs with the shotgun, I was like GET OUT OF THEIR, MAN!!!

Precisely!  That edge-of-your-seat tension that I remember from the first Halloween film, or even the first Predator film.
I certainly see the logical flaws that eytanz points out, but I think that the narrative style (or perhaps the reading?) more than compensates for that weakness.



fuzzygnome

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Reply #14 on: December 09, 2008, 02:44:41 AM
Pretty good story, great reading.  Second spouse-killing story I've heard this week after Drabblecast.



umamei

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Reply #15 on: December 20, 2008, 11:52:26 AM
I really loved this story.  I tend to really love horror that takes place in a type of setting I'm used to.  Houses--creepy!

I sort of agree with the remarks above about the coincidence being a bit over-the-top.  I think I would believe it more plausible if I knew something about the perfume.  Some perfumes are iconic and it would not be at all difficult to imagine two different women buying the same one (anyone remember Chanel No. 5?  It's a classic.)  And for that matter, spritzing it around the house isn't that odd either, nor is using it in the bathtub.  If it's really a good perfume, it can go a long way to setting a nice romantic mood, and is great for a surprise romantic evening.  (I happen to be allergic to perfume, so this is not something *I* would do, but I have friends, and they tell me this isn't uncommon.)

But yeah, it was a coincidence.  A big one.  I just knew Andrea would die the first time she was introduced in the story.  The girlfriends always seem to, though, don't they?

But I give this a big 'yay!' for creepy, and another big 'yay!' for the reading, which was fabulous.



Bdoomed

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Reply #16 on: December 22, 2008, 07:01:01 PM
wow this story did exactly what it was supposed to do.  I did not see that one coming and I'm pretty sure my reaction was all it should have been :)

great PP!

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


robertmarkbram

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Reply #17 on: December 27, 2008, 02:57:42 AM
One of my favourite horror stories ever - sent chills down my spine.

It reminded me a lot of Stephen King's Misery. Although some might have thought the plot was either predictable or rested on an improbable co-incidence, I was fine with it: horror does this occasionally, and I fell into the story just fine..

Rob

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Reply #18 on: December 30, 2008, 04:16:03 AM
I really enjoyed this one. The story did require a fair suspension of disbelief and I did see the twist coming a little ahead of time, but the building of tension was excellent. Props to the author!



JoeFitz

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Reply #19 on: December 31, 2008, 03:47:53 PM
I'm on the fence with this one. The payoff was just not good enough for the tension, which was well done.

I bought the perfume coincidence - and several others, but the back scrubber was too far. Just opening the bathroom door with those words would have been enough to explain his choice of reaction.

This unreliable narrator was fairly engrossing, but I didn't think the other characters were well-written.

And I can't imagine why someone would get hooked up with this guy and think a big surprise (of any kind) would be a good idea. Sure, sometimes you don't know things about your partner - but whether they like surprises (or grab a loaded gun when startled) should probably be apparent before "let's take a bath together" stage. Maybe I'm old fashioned.




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Reply #20 on: October 30, 2009, 03:16:27 PM
(snip)
And I can't imagine why someone would get hooked up with this guy and think a big surprise (of any kind) would be a good idea. Sure, sometimes you don't know things about your partner - but whether they like surprises (or grab a loaded gun when startled) should probably be apparent before "let's take a bath together" stage. Maybe I'm old fashioned.

I got the impression he isn't usually this paranoid.  He's gotten pretty good control over his fright and on a day to day basis does not usually grab a gun at the slightest provocation.  But the Deep Red memory association is so strong that he feels like it's that day all over again, the days between now and then are nothing more than distant memories.  He's reliving it again, just like in his nightmares, but this time he has control, this time he can do something about it. 



Unblinking

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Reply #21 on: October 30, 2009, 03:19:30 PM
(snip)
On reflection, it does seem like an insanely big coincidence.  Not just a coincidence, but a very convenient coincidence.  I'm not sure if there's a real difference between the two, but the more I think about it: the same new perfume all over the house? Going into the bath tub exactly like his wife? Saying exactly what his wife did? 
(snip)

-The perfume all over the house makes sense.  His girlfriend just bought some new perfume and sprayed it all over so that he would smell the perfume before they came face to face, sort of a teaser, to bring him out of the bland details of the work day and to encourage him to say "Hey is that new perfume?"
-She didn't say exactly what his wife did, at least the way I interpreted it.  He was so deep in his memory that he actually heard an echo of the original words, even though his girlfriend was asking about back-scrubbing.



Unblinking

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Reply #22 on: October 30, 2009, 03:36:19 PM
This story was great!  Very few suspense stories have the intended effect on me.  Not that I don't enjoy them, but usually they're just a story.  This one was so well written, and so well read that I was carried along by it, heart pounding, to the very end.  If I'd been in a more rational frame of mind, I may have predicted the ending, but as it was I didn't see it coming at all.  At the climax of the story I was urging him "pull the trigger!  Now!" which made the ending that much more effective because I can totally understand where he was coming from.

I like the way it was written to give the details in such an order that a listener can relate to his motivations for doing what he did.  If just told in straight up chronological, it would've gone something like "I came home.  I learned the crazy lady escaped.  I pulled out my gun and shot the first thing that moved."  If it'd been told like that I wouldn't have been able to relate very well, but the way it was told I relived his terror every step of the way.

I liked that the psychotically violent villain was female--it seems like all the psycho crazies in stories I've read lately are all male.

The story played well with the concepts of associative memory, especially as related to scent, and with post-traumatic stress syndrome.  In his eyes, the woman took on a seemingly invincible nature like a Michael Myers.  It was, of course, completely his imagination, and she didn't even show up in the timeline of the story, but it's all the more powerful for her absence.  The only way the suspense could be a little better is if he HADN'T been convicted.  If he just moved again, and he knew that she was out there somewhere, looking for him, that would've been great.  As it is, he ended up in prison.  Prisons not only keep people in, they keep crazy weapon-wielding people out.  So he probably could not possibly be safer--from her at least.

The one big coincidence was a little bit hard to swallow in afterthought, that his girlfriend would buy the new perfume on the same day that he learns of the escape.  But the thing is, crazy coincidences happen in real life all the time, one crazy coincidence in a story doesn't bother me.  For instance--the Interstate 35W bridge collapse that happened in Minnesota last year?  I was about 8 minutes away from being crushed by that bridge.  My company was having a party on a riverboat that cruised up and down the Mississippi through the Twin Cities.  The company had never had that particular party venue, nor had I EVER been on the Mississippi on any sort of watercraft.  The boat was going down the lock system through the cities, and was in the lock just upriver of the bridge.  There was still one lock between us and the bridge, and that lock would've taken about 8 minutes to lower us down.  If we'd left the dock eight minutes earlier we would've been smushed.  As it was we were close enough to hear and see everything.  That's what I would call a crazy coincidence--if it were in a fiction story, someone would no doubt cry out "Unbelievable coincidence!".

Good show!  Episodes like this are the reason I stick around.  :)



florismk

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Reply #23 on: October 31, 2009, 11:52:34 AM
I got the impression he isn't usually this paranoid.  He's gotten pretty good control over his fright and on a day to day basis does not usually grab a gun at the slightest provocation.  But the Deep Red memory association is so strong that he feels like it's that day all over again, the days between now and then are nothing more than distant memories.  He's reliving it again, just like in his nightmares, but this time he has control, this time he can do something about it. 
That is such an accurate interpretation of what I intended to convey, I should ask you to write a blurb next time I publish anything, Unblinking!



Unblinking

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Reply #24 on: October 31, 2009, 10:36:27 PM
That is such an accurate interpretation of what I intended to convey, I should ask you to write a blurb next time I publish anything, Unblinking!

I'm glad I hit the nail on the head this time.  This story really clicked for me!