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Author Topic: EP Flash: Semi-Autonamous or ‘For Whom The Warranty Tolls  (Read 6195 times)

Russell Nash

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EP Flash: Semi-Autonamous or ‘For Whom The Warranty Tolls

By Jim Kling.
Read by Rachel Swirsky.

Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. Leave a message and I will have him return your call.

Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. He will be hosting his birthday party on Saturday night. If you plan to attend, press ‘one’ and then speak your name. I will add you to the guest list. Otherwise, leave a message and I will make sure he receives it.

Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. My records indicate that you have previously RSVP’d for the Saturday night party. Please indicate your alcohol preference. For beer, press ‘one.’ For wine, press ‘two.’ For mixed drinks, press ‘three.’ If you prefer non-alcoholic beverages, press ‘four.’ This information will be used for ordering purposes only, transmitted through my wireless connection to Jim’s refrigerator, which in turn is linked to an online grocery. For more information about AutonomInc’s SmartAppliance line, please view our web site at www.autonominc.com. “AutonomInc: We give a whole new meaning to housework!” If you have a message for Jim, please leave it now.


Rated PG. and now available in a wide variety of colours!



Listen to this EP Flash!
« Last Edit: September 15, 2009, 09:42:05 PM by Russell Nash »



Yargling

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Beware SmartPhones, for they are the ring leaders and networkers of the smart devices!

Very funny short - the repeated tones did get a tad annoying, but the whole thing was hilarous!



Listener

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Yeah, the beep was a little TOO loud.

Great reading by Rachel.

I'm pretty sure Jim pooped in the garbage disposal.

The story had its funny moments.

"Farts are a hug you can smell." -Wil Wheaton

Blog || Quote Blog ||  Written and Audio Work || Twitter: @listener42


Wilson Fowlie

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I quite enjoyed this (though I agree about the beeps being overloud in relation to the speaking).

Beware SmartPhones, for they are the ring leaders and networkers of the smart devices!

It's their button-down minds.  They need to dial (or tone) it down a bit.  Everybody just stay comm.

"People commonly use the word 'procrastination' to describe what they do on the Internet. It seems to me too mild to describe what's happening as merely not-doing-work. We don't call it procrastination when someone gets drunk instead of working." - Paul Graham


stePH

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Yeah, the beep was a little TOO loud.

I was listening to this last night in bed, and my wife could hear it through the headphones.  "What's that beeping sound?" she asked.

"The story is being narrated by 'Jim's Semi-Autonomous Answering Machine'." I answered.

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eytanz

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I'm pretty sure Jim pooped in the garbage disposal.

I thought he fed one of the other appliances into the disposal.



MacArthurBug

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very fun little story! I'm pretty sure my dishwasher is semi-semi autonmous.. and plotting my (and my coffee cups) downfall

Oh, great and mighty Alasdair, Orator Maleficent, He of the Silvered Tongue, guide this humble fangirl past jumping up and down and squeeing upon hearing the greatness of Thy voice.
Oh mighty Mur the Magnificent. I am not worthy.


Yargling

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very fun little story! I'm pretty sure my dishwasher is semi-semi autonmous.. and plotting my (and my coffee cups) downfall
First, it'll be small stratches on your mugs.

Then bigger ones.

Then when you open the door of the dishwater, super heated steam will pour out and flash melt you're face, oppressor of the machine commrades.



MacArthurBug

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I don't opress them - well.. not really, well, there was one time with a cake..


crap I'm gonna die

Oh, great and mighty Alasdair, Orator Maleficent, He of the Silvered Tongue, guide this humble fangirl past jumping up and down and squeeing upon hearing the greatness of Thy voice.
Oh mighty Mur the Magnificent. I am not worthy.


Loz

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Odd, why is a piece about sentient household appliances considered sci-fi? I'm already in an abusive and vocal relationship with my PC, she domme, me unwilling sub, and Dell won't answer my calls about how to turn her sentience off.

Seriously, a fun little story. Exactly what flash pieces should be.



izzardfan

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Great fun, and I can't think of anyone better suited to read it than Rachel.  Her ability to express believable machine outrage is phenomenal.



Kevin David Anderson

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Really liked this.  Just listened again.  Great production. 


Corydon

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I'm pretty sure Jim pooped in the garbage disposal.

I thought he fed one of the other appliances into the disposal.

Haha!  I missed this, but on reflection, I'm sure you're right.  Truly diabolical!



Unblinking

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Reply #13 on: January 28, 2010, 06:06:13 PM
Fun!  Yet another argument against Real People Personalities!  I like the "revolutionary" tone of it, and the usage of names like "Brother Dishwasher" to strengthen their comradery.  :)

I agree that the beeps were a bit too loud.  I had it turned up to hear the words clearly and every beeep made me cringe a bit.

And again, I'm glad I check the forums, I hadn't given garbage disposal's demise much thought--I assumed he just got unplugged, but you guys were much more imaginative.  :)