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Author Topic: EP Flash: One Trick Dog  (Read 13862 times)

Russell Nash

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on: June 08, 2009, 12:42:51 PM
EP Flash: One Trick Dog

By Bruce Boston.
Read by J.C. Hutchins.

Mr. Wayne was taking his daily exercise, walking Arthur around the lake in Nevley Park, when the sky darkened and a light snow began to fall. A few flakes fluttered against his cheeks. He could feel the cold through his heavy topcoat. He enjoyed the park when it was deserted, but at his age he couldn’t afford a chill. He thumbed the control in his pocket. Arthur turned left onto a bridge that would cut their return journey by a good half mile. Mr. Wayne followed.

Rated K9 for dogs at the cutting edge.



Listen to this EP Flash!
« Last Edit: September 15, 2009, 09:41:32 PM by Russell Nash »



Russell Nash

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Reply #1 on: June 08, 2009, 02:33:02 PM
I always was one for only teaching a dog practical tricks.



Zathras

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Reply #2 on: June 08, 2009, 08:36:10 PM
Great flash!  The ending was perfect, IMO.



eytanz

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Reply #3 on: June 08, 2009, 08:40:08 PM
Heh. Though I'm wondering what stopped the old guy from just saying "excuse me, you're blocking my path" rather than engage in conversation with the moron.



Zathras

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Reply #4 on: June 08, 2009, 08:54:26 PM
Heh. Though I'm wondering what stopped the old guy from just saying "excuse me, you're blocking my path" rather than engage in conversation with the moron.

I got the impression that he really didn't want to cause a stir.  I'm wondering if he decided the only way he was going to get past the guy was to show him the trick or if he finally got pissed off.



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Reply #5 on: June 08, 2009, 10:14:16 PM
I got the impression that he really didn't want to cause a stir.  I'm wondering if he decided the only way he was going to get past the guy was to show him the trick or if he finally got pissed off.

D'oh!


Zathras

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Reply #6 on: June 08, 2009, 10:25:59 PM
I got the impression that he really didn't want to cause a stir.  I'm wondering if he decided the only way he was going to get past the guy was to show him the trick or if he finally got pissed off.

D'oh!

And I tried to be subtle with that one.



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Reply #7 on: June 10, 2009, 08:56:09 AM
As soon as "military surplus" came out you pretty much knew how it would end. Even so, it was (for me) like a classic movie you watch over and over for some Crowning Moment of Awesome.

I have a feeling that his dog's trick was better than the Joker's "disappearing pencil trick".

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Kevin David Anderson

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Reply #8 on: June 11, 2009, 02:56:44 AM
That was a crunchy bite of awesome.   ;D


LadyIndigo

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Reply #9 on: June 12, 2009, 12:20:58 AM
Saw it coming too, but comedic sociopathy to thoroughly annoying targets makes me giggle like a hyena. :D



Russell Nash

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Reply #10 on: June 12, 2009, 08:50:35 AM
The ending wasn't so much about what would happen, but how it would happen.  I thought just saying he turned off the safety switch was exceptionally cool.



wakela

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Reply #11 on: June 13, 2009, 01:07:33 PM
I don't know. 

I know it's supposed to be a light, funny piece, but I just don't think happy, enthusiastic, friendly people should be killed because they aren't cynical and world-weary enough.  Shouldn't more people be happy, enthusiastic and friendly?



Zathras

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Reply #12 on: June 13, 2009, 02:01:03 PM
I took the guy as a pretentious, inconsiderate jerk.  Therefor I believe he got what was coming to him.  But I'm an @$$hole.



eytanz

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Reply #13 on: June 13, 2009, 03:02:47 PM
I don't know. 

I know it's supposed to be a light, funny piece, but I just don't think happy, enthusiastic, friendly people should be killed because they aren't cynical and world-weary enough.  Shouldn't more people be happy, enthusiastic and friendly?

Well, if it makes you feel better, maybe the dog just destroyed the other robo-dog, not the person?



Talia

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Reply #14 on: June 13, 2009, 05:23:34 PM
I don't know. 

I know it's supposed to be a light, funny piece, but I just don't think happy, enthusiastic, friendly people should be killed because they aren't cynical and world-weary enough.  Shouldn't more people be happy, enthusiastic and friendly?

He was being mind bogglingly rude. That cancels out a l ot of good :p



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Reply #15 on: June 13, 2009, 05:27:59 PM
I don't know. 

I know it's supposed to be a light, funny piece, but I just don't think happy, enthusiastic, friendly people should be killed because they aren't cynical and world-weary enough.  Shouldn't more people be happy, enthusiastic and friendly?

He was being mind bogglingly rude. That cancels out a l ot of good :p

Yeah.  I really have to agree with the guy being a total censored for YOUR protection who pretty much deserves what he gets.

I don't know. 

I know it's supposed to be a light, funny piece, but I just don't think happy, enthusiastic, friendly people should be killed because they aren't cynical and world-weary enough.  Shouldn't more people be happy, enthusiastic and friendly?

Well, if it makes you feel better, maybe the dog just destroyed the other robo-dog, not the person?

Nah, the robo-dog wasn't being the nimrod here. 

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Reply #16 on: June 13, 2009, 05:37:50 PM
I don't know. 

I know it's supposed to be a light, funny piece, but I just don't think happy, enthusiastic, friendly people should be killed because they aren't cynical and world-weary enough.  Shouldn't more people be happy, enthusiastic and friendly?

Happy, enthusiastic and friendly?!  What story were you listening to?

Okay, maybe happy: at having a victim to listen to his overweening braggadocio.

Okay, probably enthusiastic: at one-upmanship.  Not to mention stupid, offensive practical jokes.

Friendly?  With all of the above AND blocking the path the whole time?  Not. Even. A little.

This story satisfied me much the way the ending of The Truman Show did.

"People commonly use the word 'procrastination' to describe what they do on the Internet. It seems to me too mild to describe what's happening as merely not-doing-work. We don't call it procrastination when someone gets drunk instead of working." - Paul Graham


wakela

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Reply #17 on: June 15, 2009, 12:19:32 AM
He's happy he got a new robot dog that does lots of cool stuff, and he thought he had met a kindred spirit in robot dog fans on the bridge.  It's like talking about your Playstation 3 to someone who has a Playstaion 2.  There is no way to have this discussion without acknowledging that the PS3 is better, but assuming the PS2 owner is also a video game fan, he will understand the context and not have his feelings hurt.  And what if you show your friend how the PS3 can download pr0n (it's can't for all I know).  It's a rude joke depending on who you are talking to.  We have all played rude, immature jokes on people we knew and thought could handle it.  The guy in this story is guilty of thinking he has made a stronger connection to the ex-soldier than he has.  He does not move aside because he thinks the soldier is interested in what he has to say, and the soldier give him no reason not to (that I can recall).

Look, like I said, I know it's a fluffy little story and that I am over thinking it.  I also know that my take on it is not what the author intended and that yours is.  We've all been cornered by boors who wont shut up about stuff we are not interested in.  They are often not evil people, but overly friendly and enthusiastic, and maybe lonely.  But we don't punch them in the face or kick them in the nuts or kill them (or their dog, thank you eytanz).  We say, "That's great, but I really have to be going." 



Doom xombie

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Reply #18 on: June 15, 2009, 04:24:06 AM
Wakela is very.... nice.  ;) I do not however see how its funny to get peed on or how it relates to PS3 PS2 example. I also wouldn't laugh it off the way he did..... I say, with no venom towards you wakela, i loved the ending. I think we all have people that we'd like to let loose our military surplus on, but we're too civil and good (or at least not evil) at heart.

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Reply #19 on: June 19, 2009, 11:48:46 PM
Good piece of flash, the ending was done properly, with this story I didn't need to know the fate of the A****** and his dog.  With most stories I don't like being left in the lurch, but with this one I think letting the reader/listener finish the story was an excellent choice.  This way  some people can end the story with rainbows and butterflys, and others could finish with nuclear armageddon, well done.



stePH

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Reply #20 on: June 20, 2009, 05:23:27 AM
He's happy he got a new robot dog that does lots of cool stuff, and he thought he had met a kindred spirit in robot dog fans on the bridge.  It's like talking about your Playstation 3 to someone who has a Playstaion 2.  There is no way to have this discussion without acknowledging that the PS3 is better, but assuming the PS2 owner is also a video game fan, he will understand the context and not have his feelings hurt.  And what if you show your friend how the PS3 can download pr0n (it's can't for all I know). 

Actually a recent issue (a month or two ago) of Maximum PC has an article on how to install Ubuntu Linux on a PS3.  So theoretically it is possible to download pr0n with it.  (From what I hear, that's at least something you can do with it other than play the sorry selection of games available for it.  Until/unless Final Fantasy XIII comes out, I have no compelling reason to get a PS3.)

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izzardfan

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Reply #21 on: June 21, 2009, 07:34:36 AM
We have all played rude, immature jokes on people we knew and thought could handle it.

Um, no we haven't all.  I hate playing jokes on people, especially rude and immature.  I despise the show Punk'd and anything remotely like it, and movies with similar themes or action.  I can't stand the Marx Brothers, or Laurel & Hardy, and I warned my family that if anyone set me up a la "Scare Tactics" I would sue.  I know this is strong language, but it's one thing that completely pushes my buttons.  Therefore, I thought Mr. Wayne was totally justified in removing the safety, and in my mind, the guy was dead before he knew what was happening to him.



eytanz

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Reply #22 on: June 21, 2009, 07:59:49 AM
I still think the "dog" was destroyed rather than the guy killed. I mean, seriously - if I met a guy who was a real jerk, boasting how extra cool his car was, and how much it's better than my car, and so forth, and an asteroid came down and blasted his car to smithereens, I would consider that a much greater cumuppance than if the asteroid killed him.

If he's dead, he's dead. If the "dog" is broken, then he has to live the rest of his life knowing he had the inferior dog.



stePH

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Reply #23 on: June 21, 2009, 02:34:46 PM
We have all played rude, immature jokes on people we knew and thought could handle it.

Um, no we haven't all.  I hate playing jokes on people, especially rude and immature.  I despise the show Punk'd and anything remotely like it, and movies with similar themes or action.  I can't stand the Marx Brothers, or Laurel & Hardy,...

I fail to see the relevance of the Marx Brothers (or Laurel and Hardy) to the likes of Punk'd or Candid Camera.  I'm a hardcore Marx fan and can't recall any actual pranks from any of their movies that I've seen.

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williamjamesw

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Reply #24 on: June 24, 2009, 01:51:50 AM
Seems to me it wound be likely that the dog was probably loaded with blanks, or the equivalent.  The guy might have soiled himself, but would likely survive.  Somehow I doubt that military surplus would still have live ammo or lethal systems. :ohopefully

I'll just go back to being silent again now.


Russell Nash

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Reply #25 on: June 24, 2009, 08:00:17 AM
Seems to me it wound be likely that the dog was probably loaded with blanks, or the equivalent.  The guy might have soiled himself, but would likely survive.  Somehow I doubt that military surplus would still have live ammo or lethal systems. :ohopefully


The natural form of a dog is a lethal weapon.  I sometimes think about this when I'm playing with my dog and my hand is in her mouth.  Some part of my hind-brain should be screaming its head off at that. 

A kid stuck his finger in my dog's eye the other day.  She snapped at him.  He didn't move his hand at all and she took the whole thing into her mouth.  Thankfully the natural state of my dog is "full safeties on".  She left the kid standing there with his hand soaking wet and still in the same position, but totally unmarked.  His mother complimented me on my dog, and then told the kid he was lucky he still had a hand.

If I had "turned safeties off", the kid would have been a bleeding mess on the ground.  My dog doesn't have any "live ammo".  She doesn't need it.  She's a direct descendant of one of nature's great killing machines. 

If the dog in the story was an accurate replication of a dog, it's very existence is lethal.



williamjamesw

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Reply #26 on: June 25, 2009, 12:39:26 AM
Makes sense; canine nature does seem to be overlooked by most people.  I hadn't been thinking of the hazards inherent from the base model.  :-[

I'll just go back to being silent again now.


Doom xombie

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Reply #27 on: June 25, 2009, 06:29:43 AM
Seems to me it wound be likely that the dog was probably loaded with blanks, or the equivalent.  The guy might have soiled himself, but would likely survive.  Somehow I doubt that military surplus would still have live ammo or lethal systems. :ohopefully


The natural form of a dog is a lethal weapon.  I sometimes think about this when I'm playing with my dog and my hand is in her mouth.  Some part of my hind-brain should be screaming its head off at that. 

A kid stuck his finger in my dog's eye the other day.  She snapped at him.  He didn't move his hand at all and she took the whole thing into her mouth.  Thankfully the natural state of my dog is "full safeties on".  She left the kid standing there with his hand soaking wet and still in the same position, but totally unmarked.  His mother complimented me on my dog, and then told the kid he was lucky he still had a hand.

If I had "turned safeties off", the kid would have been a bleeding mess on the ground.  My dog doesn't have any "live ammo".  She doesn't need it.  She's a direct descendant of one of nature's great killing machines. 

If the dog in the story was an accurate replication of a dog, it's very existence is lethal.

Russel I think your completely right. I also have a dog and I know how dangerous a dog can be. Although Like you were explaining about your dog, id imagine that they would set the programming setting to non-lethal interaction or something like that. But then i consider that he seems to be a veteran of some kind, and maybe he simply got to keep his dog, just the way it was.

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Reply #28 on: July 01, 2009, 01:44:18 PM
Heh. Though I'm wondering what stopped the old guy from just saying "excuse me, you're blocking my path" rather than engage in conversation with the moron.

Word count and story flow.  Having read/listen to 2 minutes of "can I get past?" "oh, no, wait.  Let me tell you about my dog" "but I really just need to get home" "but this is so cool!  Watch!"  would kinda kill the story.  The author did an awesome job of showing the guy was a jerk without making us all re-live our worst "why won't this guy shut up" moment.



izzardfan

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Reply #29 on: July 03, 2009, 08:55:55 AM
We have all played rude, immature jokes on people we knew and thought could handle it.

Um, no we haven't all.  I hate playing jokes on people, especially rude and immature.  I despise the show Punk'd and anything remotely like it, and movies with similar themes or action.  I can't stand the Marx Brothers, or Laurel & Hardy,...

I fail to see the relevance of the Marx Brothers (or Laurel and Hardy) to the likes of Punk'd or Candid Camera.  I'm a hardcore Marx fan and can't recall any actual pranks from any of their movies that I've seen.

I don't like slapstick either, and should have said so.  You're right, they weren't really relevant.

Carry on.
« Last Edit: July 03, 2009, 09:10:20 AM by izzardfan »



stePH

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Reply #30 on: July 05, 2009, 01:43:28 PM
I fail to see the relevance of the Marx Brothers (or Laurel and Hardy) to the likes of Punk'd or Candid Camera.  I'm a hardcore Marx fan and can't recall any actual pranks from any of their movies that I've seen.

I don't like slapstick either, and should have said so.  You're right, they weren't really relevant.

At risk of continuing off-topic discussion, I'm a fan of the Marx Bros. because they're mostly not slapstick.  Harpo's antics aside, the main attraction for me is Groucho's general wiseacring, and Chico acting the fool.

For another data point, I haven't liked The Three Stooges -- archetypal slapstick -- since I was a small child.

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izzardfan

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Reply #31 on: July 05, 2009, 09:09:04 PM
At risk of continuing off-topic discussion, I'm a fan of the Marx Bros. because they're mostly not slapstick.  Harpo's antics aside, the main attraction for me is Groucho's general wiseacring, and Chico acting the fool.

For another data point, I haven't liked The Three Stooges -- archetypal slapstick -- since I was a small child.

Well, whatever you call them, I don't like (I won't say hate, but it's close) the Marx Brothers, Laurel & Hardy, the Three Stooges, Charlie Chaplin, Little Rascals, the Keystone Cops...  I could go on.  It's not the black & white, it's not that they're old.  It's that I don't find any of it funny in the least, to the point of being painful for me to watch.

I think we're done.  I know I am.  But feel free to continue if you must.



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Reply #32 on: January 25, 2010, 07:13:18 PM
I liked this one, not because I would do the same thing in that situation, but because I know some part of my mind would want to do that.  I liked the comparison of realism vs. intentional artificial looks, and practicality vs. fun tricks.  I'm not going to say that the other guy deserved what's coming, any more than drivers who cut me off in traffic actually deserves to die (despite my curses as I'm driving), but for a fictional story it's satisfying anyway.