I agree with the general consensus that the reading of the story was quite excellent. Not being a native Texan myself, I have no idea as to the authenticity of character voice. All I can say about the dialogue was that it didn't have the feel of something done either in exaggeration or parody. Both characters whose voice the narrator provided felt audibly distinct and memorable, so high marks there.
The writing of the story is a different matter entirely. Setting and scene description were very good, and I felt that the dramatic tension of the first half of the story were also strong. But after Eddie's death I feel that the story took a downhill turn.
The character of the witch is introduced in a very convenient and diabolus ex machina kind of way. It strains the willing suspension of disbelief for there to just happen to be a witch in the town that the protagonist can turn to after shooting his brother. Without having done anything to establish her, I had a problem with her appearance in the story.
Other commenters have pointed out the similarity between this story and the classic "Monkey's Paw." I agree, but feel that this is a weakness of the story more than a strength. It's not just similar to "Monkey's Paw", it IS "Monkey's Paw." It has nothing to distinguish itself, breaks no new ground, takes no chances deviating from the formula. The only concession towards retelling is to change the setting and relationship between the characters, but aside from that it has the feeling of having been done well before.
Another story from Pseudopod, "Old Ways," covers the same ideas of meddling with the spirit world in order to cheat death but does so in a very novel way with the revelation that the person who is supposed to have died turns out not to have, because the author clearly established the dangers involved in resurrecting someone who died violently, and adds a horrifying last-minute twist. By contrast, "Raising Eddie" offers no surprises, no suspense once we see where the story is going to go.
My criticism is not to imply that I did not enjoy "Raising Eddie." As I said, the first half was truly suspenseful, and the evocative language is enjoyable throughout. I especially remember how the narrator describes tackling Eddie, and how he fell like a scarecrow, which is a wonderful simile, and the characterization of the main character and the witch are both superb.
But Eddie himself is strangely uncharacterized before being killed, doing little more than following the protagonist like a puppy. I can't even remember a single line of dialogue spoken by Eddie, which lead me to wonder just what the problem was later when he fails to speak after being resurrected. Could he even speak before? Was his behavior that different prior to setting fire to the trailer? This details are omitted, and while I appreciate the closeness of the story to the rising tension of the narrative, I feel that a bit more work could have been done establishing Eddie as a character. It would have made what happens to him later all the more poignant, all the more horrible.
« Last Edit: September 01, 2009, 09:27:39 PM by BenjCano »
Chairperson of the Anti-Egregiously Long Signature Committee.
"Never attribute to malice what can easily be explained by stupidity." --Hanlon's Razor