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Author Topic: A request, nay a PLEA, to Alasdair  (Read 3491 times)
Jason M
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« on: September 17, 2009, 10:31:46 AM »

Kind Sir, I beg of you, hear me out before rejecting me out of hand.  Whilst your orations were sub par in their origins, you have greatly increased their quality.  On occasion I find fault in your technical performance, I rarely see fit to criticize your material.

There is, however, one request that I have.  Every week I hear You utter the phrase, "I have a story for you, and I promise you it's true."  Oh, what joy these words bring me!  I know that, in most likelihood, I will shortly be hearing a piece of audio fiction of the highest quality.  Pseudopod brings me tales of the dark fantastic and for that I am most grateful. 

My request is not such a great one.  The effort involved would be minimal.  Yay, though this is true, I feel unworthy to put forth my solicitation.  Woe is the burden upon my soul for even dreaming that You would deign to listen to my plea, much less grant it.

Oh mighty Orator of the Dark Fantastic, hear my plea and grant this unworthy disciple one simple request.  I beg of You, please do not turn me away for my audacity.  I shall do penance for addressing You directly.  I am but an unworthy slug in Your awe inspiring Garden of Evil.  Yes, should You wish it, I would slay millions of innocents and use their blood to water Your carnivorous flora.

I beseech Thee to utter but four further words.  It is not so great a feat for One so great as Yourself. 

No!  No!  I cannot ask Thee for anything.  I am unworthy.  Forgive me for disturbing one as powerful as Yourself.

I will go do penance now.  If one hundred self applied lashes is not enough, tell me, oh Great one!
« Last Edit: September 17, 2009, 10:48:02 AM by Zathras » Logged
eytanz
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Posts: 4450



« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2009, 10:40:43 AM »

So, for those of us who are not quite as erudite as the esteemed Alasdair, would you mind saying what the additional four words are supposed to be?

(I'm guessing "I have a story about happy, frolicking ponies for you, and I promise you it's true.", but I'm not 100% sure that's right).
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Jason M
Guest
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2009, 10:44:44 AM »

So, for those of us who are not quite as erudite as the esteemed Alasdair, would you mind saying what the additional four words are supposed to be?

(I'm guessing "I have a story about happy, frolicking ponies for you, and I promise you it's true.", but I'm not 100% sure that's right).

Oh, it's damn true.
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Scattercat
Caution:
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Posts: 3999


Amateur wordsmith


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« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2009, 10:58:16 AM »

Eh, I think that's a bit too much.  Too many beats in the line.

"I have a story for you [BEAT], and I promise you [BEAT] it's true."  Adding another pause and statement starts to push into self-parody territory.
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---
Mirrorshards: Very Short Stories
100 Words.  No more.  No fewer.  Every day.
Splinters of Silver and Glass - The Mirrorshards Book
DKT
Friendly Neighborhood
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PodCastle is my Co-Pilot


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« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2009, 10:59:28 AM »

Z, what knowledge are you holding out on us?
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Swamp
Hipparch
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Posts: 2216



WWW
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2009, 11:07:13 AM »

[thread_hijack]

We could make this a game.  What four words would you add?

I have a story for you, and I promise you it's true--except for the octopi

or

I, your friendly, neighborhood cannibal, have a story for you, and I promise you it's true

You give it a try.

[/thread_hijack]
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Facehuggers don't have heads!

Come with me and Journey Into... another fun podcast
Jason M
Guest
« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2009, 11:23:21 AM »

Forgive them their blasphemous ways, Oh Mighty Devourer of Worlds.  They do not comprehend Your greatness.  I know that You could smite them or strike them with a pox with but a thought, but should You wish it, I would punish them with a rendition of Indian Love Call that would surely rupture their eardrums.  Then they would not be able to savor the twisted delicacy that is Your work.

I am, as always, Your humble servant.
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Russell Nash
Guest
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2009, 01:08:30 PM »

I have a story for you, and I promise it's true.  I cross my heart.
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Jason M
Guest
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2009, 01:17:03 PM »

I have a story for you, and I promise you it's true, oh it's damn true.
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Swamp
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« Reply #9 on: September 17, 2009, 01:55:02 PM »

I have a story for you, and I promise you it's true, oh it's damn true.

Aha.  Now i get what you were saying before.  This is your request.
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Facehuggers don't have heads!

Come with me and Journey Into... another fun podcast
Bdoomed
Pseudopod Tiger
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Mmm. Tiger.


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« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2009, 02:03:10 PM »

duuh.
Tongue
i like it.
oh, its damn true.
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I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?
Musings and Ramblings
Jason M
Guest
« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2009, 02:05:35 PM »

Oh great and mighty Orator Maleficent,

As per Your bidding, I have located a supply of Foot High Pies.  The source is a mere 5 miles from my humble dwellings.  Should You ever find Yourself embodied near St Louis, I will guide You to the source.

I have, upon Your orders, secured several of these pies for new converts to Your cause.  (I must say, the banana is quite yummy)  On Your behalf, I shall begin the downfall of TCoRN.  May I make pies from the unrepentant, oh Devourer of Souls?
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Bdoomed
Pseudopod Tiger
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Mmm. Tiger.


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« Reply #12 on: September 17, 2009, 02:21:36 PM »

WHAT?! MORE BLASPHEMY?!
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I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?
Musings and Ramblings
Jason M
Guest
« Reply #13 on: September 17, 2009, 03:27:51 PM »

WHAT?! MORE BLASPHEMY?!

You question the WORD of the Maleficent Orator?  You will be among the ingredients!
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goatkeeper
Guest
« Reply #14 on: September 17, 2009, 10:16:11 PM »

[thread_hijack]

We could make this a game.  What four words would you add?

I have a story for you, and I promise you it's true--except for the octopi

or

I, your friendly, neighborhood cannibal, have a story for you, and I promise you it's true

You give it a try.


[/thread_hijack]


I have a story for you, and I promise you it's true.  But what is truth?

I have a story for you, and I promise you it's true.  You got my chlamydia.

I have a loooong story for you, and I promise you, I'm your father.  It's true. 

I have a story for you, and I promise you, Chamberlain issssss it's true Emperor, hmmmmmm??

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Thaurismunths
High Priest of TCoRN
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Praise N-sh, for it is right and good!


« Reply #15 on: September 28, 2009, 09:52:29 PM »

I have a story for you, and I promise it's true. First... pull my finger.
If you'd shut up... I have a story for you, and I promise it's true.
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How do you fight a bully that can un-make history?
goatkeeper
Guest
« Reply #16 on: October 04, 2009, 04:50:39 PM »

I have a third nipple, true story, I promise you.  And it's been longing for you
I have a story for you, and I promise you it's true.  The Old Ones awaken
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oddpod
Matross
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Posts: 305



« Reply #17 on: October 05, 2009, 09:11:15 AM »

i have a story for you, but lets tigten thows straps first
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card carying dislexic and  gramatical revolushonery
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