Author Topic: Pseudopod 165: The Copse  (Read 35052 times)

Bdoomed

  • Pseudopod Tiger
  • Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 5891
  • Mmm. Tiger.
on: October 23, 2009, 09:56:32 PM
Pseudopod 165: The Copse


By Robert Mammone
Read by Ian Stuart

A woman carrying a tray of drinks emerged from the kitchen. She was tall and spare and the loose clothing she wore only accentuated the impression. Sarah noted with alarm the condition of her hands, all knobbed joints and cracked skin. Setting the tray down, the woman looked at each of them, her head bobbing birdlike on a thin neck.

“This is my wife, Margaret,” Standish vaguely waved a hand in her direction. Sarah thought her eyes distant. Sarah extended a hand and Margaret responded. The woman’s hand was rough, like bark. The grip was limp, and Sarah was glad to let it drop. Margaret’s lips parted in a blank smile, revealing a set of large, blunt teeth stained a remarkable shade of brown.

“Would you like a drink?” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.



Listen to this week's Pseudopod.

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


MacArthurBug

  • Giddy
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 648
  • I can resist anything except temptation
    • undercaffinated
Reply #1 on: October 24, 2009, 12:30:56 PM
I'm still trying to make up my mind on this one. It twisted and turned a LOT before reaching it's point. It gave me the creeps (always important). I hard a hard time getting invested in the two main players, and the "bad guy" was slimy and hateful, not so terribly fearful. The power that could have been put into the copse was almost arm prickling, however it felt like the story didn't quite get there. Eh. Regardless. I got the heebie jeebies and a reluctance to drink cider for the week. Good enough!

Oh, great and mighty Alasdair, Orator Maleficent, He of the Silvered Tongue, guide this humble fangirl past jumping up and down and squeeing upon hearing the greatness of Thy voice.
Oh mighty Mur the Magnificent. I am not worthy.


Scattercat

  • Caution:
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 4904
  • Amateur wordsmith
    • Mirrorshards
Reply #2 on: October 25, 2009, 05:35:34 AM
It had lots of atmosphere, but not a lot of oomph.  The frightening imagery seemed a little too scattershot to be effective; we had creepy little girls, odd shadow-puppets, eerie wardrobes, a run-down rental house in the countryside, a mysteriously addicting drink, an ambiguous prayer to a self-consciously malevolent god-being, an enslaved/subservient wife who warns of impending doom, mystery meat that causes inexplicable bouts of nausea, a lecherous landlord, and, from what I gather, living trees that drink blood.  Just a whole potpourri of "things that are unsettling."  I felt like there were three or four different supernatural events going on rather than seeing them coalesce into one unified whole. 

As far as the story structure, it may have been just distraction that made me miss it, but I was particularly bothered by the vagueness of their errand at the Standish's house.  They were there to butter him up somehow about something, apparently to keep their house that they didn't much want in the first place?  The whole situation felt a bit forced. 

I felt indefinably creeped out while listening, but on review I don't see a coherent structure, and that makes me feel a little tricked and betrayed, like it was just the right sort of words to make things seem frightening without actually having something there to be frightened of.  It's akin to the generically uplifting speeches you get from business leaders at meetings or coaches at pep rallies; you come out feeling all pumped up and inspired, but nothing meaningful was actually communicated.

I give it a "Meh plus."  I didn't actively dislike it, but I probably wouldn't listen to it again if it came up on my iPod.



kibitzer

  • Purveyor of Unsolicited Opinions
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 2228
  • Kibitzer: A meddler who offers unwanted advice
Reply #3 on: October 25, 2009, 11:04:14 PM
Excellent reading, as always.

Yeah, this was an odd one. There was plenty of atmosphere and creep, although I did get a bit lost in the wardrobe -- were they in a cupboard or a different room?

But... it felt like the parts were greater than the whole.


Scattercat

  • Caution:
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 4904
  • Amateur wordsmith
    • Mirrorshards
Reply #4 on: October 26, 2009, 04:08:14 AM
But... it felt like the parts were greater than the whole.

See, that's what I took like two hundred words to try and say.  Sigh.  Back to the drawing board.  (Writing board?)



stePH

  • Actually has enough cowbell.
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 3906
  • Cool story, bro!
    • Thetatr0n on SoundCloud
Reply #5 on: October 26, 2009, 01:55:25 PM
Listened to this one in bed last night directly after EP221 "Little Ambushes".  I think I might have dozed -- I pretty much remember what it was about and what happened in general ... I just didn't really "get" it.  I think I have to listen again.

And it's interesting that both stories had a main character named Sarah  :-\

"Nerdcore is like playing Halo while getting a blow-job from Hello Kitty."
-- some guy interviewed in Nerdcore Rising


Unblinking

  • Sir Postsalot
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 8729
    • Diabolical Plots
Reply #6 on: October 26, 2009, 08:07:16 PM
I pretty much agree with Scattercat here.  Lots of great atmosphere but the many disparate elements never really coalesced for me.  I ended the story thinking I'd missed something.  Or a lot of somethings actually.

Mr. Stuart has got to be one of my favorite readers, though.



deflective

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 1171
Reply #7 on: October 27, 2009, 02:20:50 AM
i quite liked the atmosphere building; creating a sense of unease when nothing unusual is happening requires a deft touch.  if it's handled badly it quickly becomes annoying (when everything is coloured blood red and all doors yawn with concealing darkness) but it was successful here.


and it's odd to realize that you're more likely to find functional family characters in horror short stories than the other genres.  of course the author usually has horrible, horrible things can happen to them but you never really see them at all in other genre short stories.



stePH

  • Actually has enough cowbell.
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 3906
  • Cool story, bro!
    • Thetatr0n on SoundCloud
Reply #8 on: October 27, 2009, 02:02:44 PM
Listened again last night; I think I got all there is to get although I still dozed a couple of times.

I think I'm going to keep this one on the iPod permanently.  Mr. Stuart's voice, recorded very well, reading this extremely dull story, is apparently just the thing to put me in a drowsy way.  I slept like the dead last night; my wife didn't even wake me when her alarm went off at 3:00 this morning.

"Nerdcore is like playing Halo while getting a blow-job from Hello Kitty."
-- some guy interviewed in Nerdcore Rising


Bdoomed

  • Pseudopod Tiger
  • Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 5891
  • Mmm. Tiger.
Reply #9 on: October 28, 2009, 02:25:42 AM
hmm, just listened.  I liked this one, it was very movie-like.  The scene with the trees ripping Roger apart? Crazy!

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


Kanasta

  • Peltast
  • ***
  • Posts: 81
Reply #10 on: October 29, 2009, 02:57:15 PM
Narrator was, as ever, excellent.
The story was ok, I also felt it lacked coherence and got a bit confused by the wardrobe...
It had a very retro feel to it. I could imagine it being a black and white Hammer horror short, or a story from one of the many horror anthologies from the 70's/early 80's that I used to devour as a kid...



MacArthurBug

  • Giddy
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 648
  • I can resist anything except temptation
    • undercaffinated
Reply #11 on: October 29, 2009, 06:20:15 PM
hmm, just listened.  I liked this one, it was very movie-like.  The scene with the trees ripping Roger apart? Crazy!

I find this interesting. It was the "movie like" quality about this one that bugged me. I had issues not falling into the story. :)

Oh, great and mighty Alasdair, Orator Maleficent, He of the Silvered Tongue, guide this humble fangirl past jumping up and down and squeeing upon hearing the greatness of Thy voice.
Oh mighty Mur the Magnificent. I am not worthy.


DKT

  • Friendly Neighborhood
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 4980
  • PodCastle is my Co-Pilot
    • Psalms & Hymns & Spiritual Noir
Reply #12 on: October 30, 2009, 03:18:58 PM
Nothing like a nice cider, I always say.


lowky

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 2717
  • from http://lovecraftismissing.com/?page_id=3142
Reply #13 on: October 31, 2009, 03:20:01 AM
Nothing like a nice cider, I always say.

have you tried Ace hard pear cider?  That was my cider of choice when i was in Flagstaff.  Now I'm in China and there is no cider  :'(


DKT

  • Friendly Neighborhood
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 4980
  • PodCastle is my Co-Pilot
    • Psalms & Hymns & Spiritual Noir
Reply #14 on: October 31, 2009, 03:44:01 AM
Nothing like a nice cider, I always say.

have you tried Ace hard pear cider?  That was my cider of choice when i was in Flagstaff.  Now I'm in China and there is no cider  :'(

I haven't, but will be on the lookout for it now  ;) Thanks!

(Bummer about China, BTW...)


lowky

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 2717
  • from http://lovecraftismissing.com/?page_id=3142
Reply #15 on: October 31, 2009, 03:49:23 AM
Nothing like a nice cider, I always say.

have you tried Ace hard pear cider?  That was my cider of choice when i was in Flagstaff.  Now I'm in China and there is no cider  :'(

I haven't, but will be on the lookout for it now  ;) Thanks!

(Bummer about China, BTW...)

last post about cider, will take it to PM for anything further so as not to derail story thread.  I think Ace is out of California, so it may not be available east of a certain point or something like that.  It was also on tap where i got it so not sure if they sell bottles.  It does go well with guiness in a half half ratio  ;)


Bdoomed

  • Pseudopod Tiger
  • Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 5891
  • Mmm. Tiger.
Reply #16 on: October 31, 2009, 04:29:51 AM
(Bummer about China, BTW...)
seems to be the pervading opinion about China these days.

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


Unblinking

  • Sir Postsalot
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 8729
    • Diabolical Plots
Reply #17 on: October 31, 2009, 10:42:29 PM
have you tried Ace hard pear cider?  That was my cider of choice when i was in Flagstaff.  Now I'm in China and there is no cider  :'(

My favorite foods when I visited China:
1.  boiled pumpkin
2.  Tomatoes (they were actually sweet instead of bitter and nasty like the ones I find here).
3.  spicy fish soup.  The variety I particularly liked had some seeds in it that I've found here in Asian grocery stores labelled as "prickly ash".  It didn't set your mouth on fire like certain spices, but your face went numb after a couple swallows.
4.  Peking Duck.

But I didn't really like the fact that the food still looked like the animals it came from.  Shrimp with heads and legs still attached, fish with eyes still in (which some of the people in my group ate, ew!).  Chicken feet.  Duck meat, which was super tasty but served with the roasted head on the plate with it, so the eyes stare at you accusingly.



lowky

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 2717
  • from http://lovecraftismissing.com/?page_id=3142
Reply #18 on: November 01, 2009, 02:12:02 AM
have you tried Ace hard pear cider?  That was my cider of choice when i was in Flagstaff.  Now I'm in China and there is no cider  :'(

My favorite foods when I visited China:
1.  boiled pumpkin
2.  Tomatoes (they were actually sweet instead of bitter and nasty like the ones I find here).
3.  spicy fish soup.  The variety I particularly liked had some seeds in it that I've found here in Asian grocery stores labelled as "prickly ash".  It didn't set your mouth on fire like certain spices, but your face went numb after a couple swallows.
4.  Peking Duck.

But I didn't really like the fact that the food still looked like the animals it came from.  Shrimp with heads and legs still attached, fish with eyes still in (which some of the people in my group ate, ew!).  Chicken feet.  Duck meat, which was super tasty but served with the roasted head on the plate with it, so the eyes stare at you accusingly.


1. the pumpkin here is a little different than us pumpkin, but is quite delicious
2. Tomatoes, I have had all kinds here some sweet, some bitter
3. I tend to avoid most fish here, I just don't like dealing with all of the bones.  So I insert Baozi for your tasting pleasure.  The ones I usually ate had almost a sausage in side, Ground pork with seasonings.
4. and since i am in Hubei province, I have to go with Wuhan Black Duck.  Very spicy, very delicious.  Foods here tend towards the neighboring provinces of Sizchuan and Hunan.  Spicy with a side of spicy.  quite delicious in my opinion. 

I do have to agree with the accusatory food here.  The Chinese love to eat those parts of the animal we usually throw away.  BBQ gristle, Pig ears, Fish Heads especially the eyes, Feet be they chicken, duck, goose, pig.  I have seen dogs hanging for sale by meat sellers.  AFAIK I have not eaten dog.  I love to buy bbq mutton from the Muslim street vendors here.  I figure it's safer than any other bbq sellers, As the muslims wont go near dog or pork.  I figure I won't get some mystery meat. 


Robert Mammone

  • Palmer
  • **
  • Posts: 30
Reply #19 on: November 02, 2009, 07:52:06 PM
Hello all, I'm Robert, the writer of The Copse.  Thought I'd give it a week or so before replying to the comments made.

First off, many, many thanks to the team at Pseudopod for taking on the story.  It was a real thrill to learn it had been accepted and I've been looking forward to the day of its release for a long while.  Special thanks to Ian Stuart, who has really brought the story and the characters to life, imbuing them with real depth and meaning.

There's a common thread running through the comments, which is while there's loads of atmosphere, there isn't much in the way of plot, or if there is any plot, it doesn't make sense.

I wanted to write a story that was full of mood and atmosphere, designed to send a chill down the spine.  While I wouldn't dare compare myself to him, I was trying for a Ramsey Campbell vibe - full of ambiguity and a rising sense of menace/dread.

A couple of comments have related to a lack of coherence - I had hoped that I gave just enough information for the listener/reader so they could understand what was going on, without laying it all out on a trowel.   

Clearly, that's something that I need to work on.   Still, happy to read any and all comments.  Thanks!



Unblinking

  • Sir Postsalot
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 8729
    • Diabolical Plots
Reply #20 on: November 02, 2009, 09:01:52 PM
Hello all, I'm Robert, the writer of The Copse.  Thought I'd give it a week or so before replying to the comments made.

First off, many, many thanks to the team at Pseudopod for taking on the story.  It was a real thrill to learn it had been accepted and I've been looking forward to the day of its release for a long while.  Special thanks to Ian Stuart, who has really brought the story and the characters to life, imbuing them with real depth and meaning.

There's a common thread running through the comments, which is while there's loads of atmosphere, there isn't much in the way of plot, or if there is any plot, it doesn't make sense.

I wanted to write a story that was full of mood and atmosphere, designed to send a chill down the spine.  While I wouldn't dare compare myself to him, I was trying for a Ramsey Campbell vibe - full of ambiguity and a rising sense of menace/dread.

A couple of comments have related to a lack of coherence - I had hoped that I gave just enough information for the listener/reader so they could understand what was going on, without laying it all out on a trowel.   

Clearly, that's something that I need to work on.   Still, happy to read any and all comments.  Thanks!

It's always a treat when the author drops in on the comment thread for his story.  Thanks for stopping in and saying a few words.  :)



Scattercat

  • Caution:
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 4904
  • Amateur wordsmith
    • Mirrorshards
Reply #21 on: November 02, 2009, 11:22:32 PM
I'm a little amused at the admission that this was a "pure atmosphere" piece.  It certainly did atmosphere well. 




Bdoomed

  • Pseudopod Tiger
  • Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 5891
  • Mmm. Tiger.
Reply #22 on: November 03, 2009, 12:09:33 AM
I wanted to write a story that was full of mood and atmosphere, designed to send a chill down the spine.  While I wouldn't dare compare myself to him, I was trying for a Ramsey Campbell vibe - full of ambiguity and a rising sense of menace/dread.
And you were very successful at that!  Like I said earlier, it was movielike at parts.  I love when a description evokes such a strong image to seem like a movie! :)

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


kibitzer

  • Purveyor of Unsolicited Opinions
  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 2228
  • Kibitzer: A meddler who offers unwanted advice
Reply #23 on: November 03, 2009, 03:57:07 AM
Hello all, I'm Robert, the writer of The Copse.  Thought I'd give it a week or so before replying to the comments made.

Mate, gutsy move to drop by and comment on the comments -- major props to you!


Robert Mammone

  • Palmer
  • **
  • Posts: 30
Reply #24 on: November 03, 2009, 04:15:33 AM
Hello all, I'm Robert, the writer of The Copse.  Thought I'd give it a week or so before replying to the comments made.

Mate, gutsy move to drop by and comment on the comments -- major props to you!

Really?  I would've thought more writers would be keen to come and share their thoughts with their audience.  Pseudopod is a fantastic place to have your work heard by a huge audience.  I've been fortunate to have had a few pieces published on the internet this year, but the feedback and audience compared to Pseudopod is miniscule.

I'd've liked my story to have had a better reception (though there have been some nice comments, which I do appreciate) - (I also appreciate the constructive criticism also, don't get me wrong!), but sometimes different things appeal to different people.