Pseudopod 193: Bed of Scorpions

[Bdoomed]

Pseudopod 193: Bed of Scorpions


By Silvia Moreno-Garcia
Read by Christiana Ellis

“It scares me,” she said finally.

“What?”

“That he’s dying.”

“Who cares?”

She turned to look at him.

“He’s filthy rich, you know,” Ramon said as he smoked a cigarette. Normally he wore gloves to avoid staining his fingers, but he had foregone such formalities in this remote corner of the state.

“I don’t want to marry him.”

“I said he was rich.”

“Maybe he will not want to marry me.”

“He better, and you better please him. There’s more money here than we’ve ever had.”

“Then you please him.”

Ramon grabbed her by the jaw, fingers digging into her flesh, and pulled her forward.

“I’ve had my share of old, ugly bitches in my bed. Sores and wrinkles and grey hair. All to keep you fed and dressed.”

“To keep us fed and dressed,” she muttered.




Listen to this week's Pseudopod.

[Millenium_King]

I just have to say that this one's first line bugged me (no pun intended, haha): "The maid brushed the two scorpions off the bed and crushed them under the heavy heel of her shoe when they fell to the floor."

That's a weak opening line and the "fell to the floor" part is superflous.  Normally a sentence like this wouldn't stand out - but in a short story, the first line is so important.

I appreciated the subtlety of this story, but on the whole, thought it felt tedious.  It was a story about waiting, and man did it feel like it!

I also did not like the "informed attributes" - for example, the sick man is described as "kind" by Beatrice, but we never really see him act that way (except for, maybe, giving her that bird).

[Scattercat]

The shaggy dog was apparently a red herring.

(I like scorpions, and so I liked this story, but my attention did wander now and then; it seemed to take awhile to get there, and I'm not entirely certain what, exactly, prompted Beatrice to grow a spine.  The cautionary tale about not dicking over the poisonous predatory insect would seem to advise NOT killing Ramon on the grounds that he'd take her with him if he could.  I dunno.  I just didn't see the strong connection between "Don't fuck with giant scorpions" and "I know!  I'll kill my brother, as it was patently obvious I would do from the moment I stepped onscreen!")

[empathy44]

I don't know why, perhaps it's the Spanish element to the story, but the writing reminded me of Anais Nin's.

Overall, I liked the story. I think that it would make a fascinating book or novella. The physical descriptions are very strong and atmospheric, the conversations believable and her ruminations lyrical. She has an interesting voice, and I would like to have more of that descriptive ability applied to the whys of the relationship with her brother and her future husband. I agree that this needs more illustrative examples of the relationship--of all of the relationships.

This trope, the conniving female in an abusive relationship falling in love with the mark is not new--"Original Sin, Vertigo etc--but good examples have their own twist. This story's twist is interesting but I'd like the story to linger more in depth upon it. Her killing her brother is like the man killing the scorpion. But then I wonder what the trade was. The obvious thought was that she had taken it and stung him--but I thought it was more along the line that she had the scorpion direct the curse towards her brother instead. I may have missed something though.

[RicV]

This story is a little clumsy in execution, I think it would read better, it had some trouble as an audio piece.  Specifically there was some unattributed back and forth dialog that was confusing with only the one reader, but by far this pice was thought provoking.

I found Ramon
s character to be much too one dimentional and obviously from the beginning I knew he was going to wind up out as his character was too flat and unresponsive.  I think he could have made a better character and still been the antagonist without too much effort.  I would have liked to see his frustration or some conflict between him and the household.  The situation with the household was too shallow.  Maybe its cultural but I know I am unfamiliar with taking in a brother and sister for the summer whom I dont know...

I do like the device of the scorpion, and while paying homage to the old scorpion motto, "It is in my nature," the story deconstructed that and made the destruction of the white scorpion the fault of human nature.  The White scorpion as far as I could tell was not aggressive and the second white scorpion seemed to be of the same kind.  It is the people in the story that are brutal and killers.  The victims in this story are the scorpions who are either killed outright, or even worse, used for a person's own goals.

I am not sure I agree that Beatrice fell in love, I think she fell more out of love with her ambitions as she wasn't willing to play/pay the price of Ramon.  She was no longer willing to stay frozen as in her family photo.  She dimensioned out as a character, but still fell into the trap of human nature.

[Unblinking]

I didn't much care for this one.  As usual, scattercat summed up most of my feelings pretty well.

Also, it's one of those titles that promises more than it delivers.  It's not as bad as Evil Robot Monkey, at least in this case there is a bed, and there are scorpions, but there isn't really a bed of scorpions.  I was picturing an Indiana Jones style, room full of scorpions.

[Millenium_King]

I was picturing an Indiana Jones style, room full of scorpions.

Haha!  That would have ruled.  Maybe we could see some stories with a little more action in the future...?  Hint, hint...

[Scattercat]

Also, it's one of those titles that promises more than it delivers.  It's not as bad as Evil Robot Monkey, at least in this case there is a bed, and there are scorpions, but there isn't really a bed of scorpions.  I was picturing an Indiana Jones style, room full of scorpions.

Me, I just pictured this.  (Warning: Visible butt.)

[Boggled Coriander]

"Visible butt"?  That's all?  That link is pretty NSFW, everybody.

[Sgarre1]

People who engage in false relationships, including sexual relations, with others, all in preparation for a scam/sting = "Bed of Scorpions"

[gelee]

Nicely done. The setting came through with a lot of strength, almost another character. I would agree that all of the characters, I think, could have used a little more tme to develop. Nicely written, so a fine piece on the whole
Also, that link is probably NSF people who have issues with arachnids (NSFPWHIWA?). urk.

[Maxximillian]

I loved the ending.  I smiled when I understood what she'd truly meant.  As for the narrator, I may have enjoyed another reader more.  Perhaps, even the same reader but with the story told in a different manner, with a different mood. 

[Unblinking]

People who engage in false relationships, including sexual relations, with others, all in preparation for a scam/sting = "Bed of Scorpions"

I got that, especially when the protagonist kept referring to herself as the scorpion.

However a metaphorical bed of scorpions just doesn't match up to a real one, for me.

[stePH]

I thought the story was okay, but didn't feel like horror to me.  My "editorial choice" would have put it on Podcastle.

[blueeyeddevil]

I thought the story was okay, but didn't feel like horror to me.  My "editorial choice" would have put it on Podcastle.

Agreed.
In many ways it contained all the elements of a classic gothic story: violence, deception, incest, strange accursed manor houses, bargaining with supernatural forces. It had everything classic horror would have except at no point did it invite the reader (listener) in to a sympathetic situation. I feel that to evoke horror and terror within fiction, particularly print or narrated fiction, require that characters the readers readily identify with are imperiled, and as such experience such phenomena through the lens of their perception. The main character, though not completely unsympathetic, is not one whom the audience can grow particularly close to, and moreover does not herself experience any particularly horrifying phenomena, (sad? yes, horrifying? no).
In fact, insofar as choosing it for Podcastle goes, there are definite parallells between this story and the newest PC story "Attar of Roses" including the whole 'accursed area, trapped woman entering into supernatural bargain' trope.
It was a decent story, though.

[kibitzer]

I enjoyed this one. I like a slow and subtle build.

[Rovervicb]

New here, so this might not be the right place to make this comment. I liked the story, but I actually wanted to say a word about the comments that came afterwords.  Recently, I have been "stuck" in neutral in several areas of my life. I have been looking for some direction in what to do next - oddly enough I think I may have found it in the story comments. The suggestion that to go forward, backward or stay in the same place would still result in being bit - made me think. In the end the choice is mind to come out of or stay in the "box" that I currently find myself. I am going to get bit either way, so I might as well at least move forward in the direction I feel lead to go.

Thanks for the unexpected insight.

[eytanz]

I rather liked this one, but I see where a lot of the criticism levied against it comes from.

I wonder if Beatrice would have to explain to her future husband (since it's obvious that's where this is going) why he is no longer immune to scorpion bites; otherwise, his recovery may be short-lived...

[Alasdair5000]

New here, so this might not be the right place to make this comment. I liked the story, but I actually wanted to say a word about the comments that came afterwords.  Recently, I have been "stuck" in neutral in several areas of my life. I have been looking for some direction in what to do next - oddly enough I think I may have found it in the story comments. The suggestion that to go forward, backward or stay in the same place would still result in being bit - made me think. In the end the choice is mind to come out of or stay in the "box" that I currently find myself. I am going to get bit either way, so I might as well at least move forward in the direction I feel lead to go.

Thanks for the unexpected insight.

Absolutely my pleasure:)  I'm delighted, and a little humbled, that I helped.  Hope things work out.

[Nitequill]

I don't want to hurt one ones feelings but this piece was a case study in how not to read a story out loud.

Why do the funny voices for the dialog?

The brother could not decide if he was Hispanic or an Anglo noir tough guy, the girl sounded like a sixty year old transvestite and the rich guy sounded like a teenaged surfer dude frm the valley. Bad enough but then the reader would get confussed which was which or use the accent/voice when saying the characters name in the narration.

I think it is much more pleasent when the reader does the whole reading as well as the dialog inthier own natural voice. The characters' qualities should be convayed by the writting and the dialog should reveal character through word use and speach pattern without the need of a reader using characatured voices.

Really I am offended when readers use silly lisping falsetos for female character dialog. I thought the reader for Engine of Desire for instance did a superb job of female and even juvanile female dialog without resorting to 1980s Cyndi Lauper affectation.

[Fenrix]

Enjoyable story, but in my head, I added terrible things happening to her and her family. Basically transferring the curse not just to her brother, but from one family to the other. I like that ending more. Beatrice may be a victim, but she's not a nice person.

I just have to say that this one's first line bugged me (no pun intended, haha): "The maid brushed the two scorpions off the bed and crushed them under the heavy heel of her shoe when they fell to the floor."

That's a weak opening line and the "fell to the floor" part is superflous.  Normally a sentence like this wouldn't stand out - but in a short story, the first line is so important.

The line that got to me was something like "the words sprang from his mouth like water". They're words from a person, so we understand that they're coming from his mouth. If the analogy pointed more towards a spring bubbling up from the ground a stronger analogy could be built. Water coming out of someone's mouth is just odd.