Pseudopod 195: The Engine of Desire

[Bdoomed]

Pseudopod 195: The Engine of Desire


By Livia Llewellyn
Read by Philippa Ballantine

All the signs of life are here, but this neighborhood has long been dead. They’re the only family left, and even they’ve fallen apart, like rotting meat from the suburban bone. She walks down the driveway, her low pumps clacking against the blacktop. As she steps into the street, her heart races; and now she catches the faint whine, a sonorous metallic song calling out in reply. After all these lonely years, it’s returned.

From the far end of the cul-de-sac, a sixteen-year-old girl emerges from the tangled overhang of rhododendrons framing a long-abandoned house. She saunters into the street, tanned hips curving back and forth in waves as she moves. Though autumn hovers in the air, she brings perpetual summer, shimmering all around her in rippling waves. One hand touches a lock of black hair, then tugs at her striped tube-top — for a single sublime moment, a caramel-colored areola peers into the rising dark. Megan feels the decades burn away like ash in the girl’s heat.

“Hey, spaz,” Kelly says. “Got a light?”

“You didn’t change,” Megan murmurs. “Thirty years, and you’re just the same.”

“Yeah, I never change.”

“But I have changed. Can’t you hear?” Megan presses her hand against her heart. “It’s like it’s inside me now, like I’m the engine, too.”

“Oh really? You’re the engine?” Kelly slips a cigarette into her mouth. “Are you sure?”

“You’re not taking her. It’s my turn.”

Kelly runs a long tongue over wet lips. “She’s already taken — it’s what you made her for, right?”




Listen to this week's Pseudopod.

[kibitzer]

Nice to hear a decidedly Kiwi voice on the narration.

[Millenium_King]

I found this one totally snore-worthy.  A real miss for Pseudopod, especially after last week's "Crawl."

The story can be summarrized as: repressed lesbian murders daughter because of extended metaphor.

It was hard to follow the story sometimes because of the pretentious, non-linear arrangement. The beginning was crammed full of metaphors which tried to describe emotions, but ultimately described nothing. It would have benefitted from more direct language more vigorous prose with an increased emphasis on action and showing, rather than flowery descriptions of "aching voids."

The sex in this story I'll address head on:

(1) The scenes which were supposed to be genuinely arousing or tender fell on their collective faces because of gratuitious, and often goofy metaphors. Breasts like "clay" with "diamond-hard nipples?" Are you kidding me? Who wants to touch THAT? It sounds gross.

(2) The scenes with "the engine" itself recall certain hentai images which are not to be described. Writhing tentacles, blah blah blah - not horrific, not erotic.

(3) Am I the only one here who was totally grossed out by descriptions of a 12/13yo girl masturbating? I realize that sort of thing is "edgy" and "necessary to the story" and maybe I'm being a "prude" - but come on, it was disgusting (and in a bad way).

Finally, the titular engine was one of the weakest payoffs ever. 40 minutes of active listening and the thing turns out to be (as I mentioned) an extended metaphor. It's not clear if it's real, where it came from etc. It didn't need to be made concrete, but it was a boring concept (desire throbbing all the time like an engine, how original).

Apologies for the length of this rant and for my, perhaps excessive, negativity, but I was quite disappointed with this one. It was long, rambling, slow, hard to follow, purple and not horrific or scary in the least.

On the plus side: the narrator did a fantastic job.  Probably the only thing that kept me listening to the whole thing.

[kibitzer]

Yes, I thought the narration was good -- clear, interesting and appropriate. Nicely done.

I didn't react as negatively as MK but I did find the reverse time-flow a bit confusing at first. That's often the case with such a story choice, though. I don't think I'd call it pretentious but it's a difficult thing to pull off. I'm undecided on whether I think this one DID pull it off.

As a listening experience it felt over-long. Seemed like it had said everything it wanted to say about halfway through.

[empathy44]

The story seemed to me to be about a sort of mutually predatory sexuality--with horror as a frame to hang it on. The sexuality was vivid and the early murders chilling, but the horror of the overall arc never really lifted off for me. Plus, this seemed sort of Crazy-Predatory-Lesbian-Is-Bad literature.

I thought the real meat was her predatory nature and her being caught in this loop of yearning for transcendent sexual/life experience and resulting disappointment.  The sex-blob-thing seemed to be a weak, blechy scare--but maybe that was the point.

[stePH]

  mmmm... lesbians...

No, SRSLY this story did nothing for me, at least in audio form.  I might have been able to follow it easier on a printed page.  Was it suggesting that the Green River killer was a hentai tentacle monster using a teenage lesbian as bait, or did I misunderstand?

[Millenium_King]

Was it suggesting that the Green River killer was a hentai tentacle monster using a teenage lesbian as bait, or did I misunderstand?

I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head.

[HugoGrim]

I agree with the sentements above, I just couldn't get into this one.

[stePH]

Nice to hear a decidedly Kiwi voice on the narration.

Kind of out-of-place for a story set in Tacoma, Washington though.

[stePH]

Was it suggesting that the Green River killer was a hentai tentacle monster using a teenage lesbian as bait, or did I misunderstand?

I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head.

But that's not even remotely based in reality.

[heyes]

I found this one totally snore-worthy.  A real miss for Pseudopod, especially after last week's "Crawl."

The story can be summarrized as: repressed lesbian murders daughter because of extended metaphor.

It was hard to follow the story sometimes because of the pretentious, non-linear arrangement. The beginning was crammed full of metaphors which tried to describe emotions, but ultimately described nothing. It would have benefitted from more direct language more vigorous prose with an increased emphasis on action and showing, rather than flowery descriptions of "aching voids."

The sex in this story I'll address head on:

(1) The scenes which were supposed to be genuinely arousing or tender fell on their collective faces because of gratuitious, and often goofy metaphors. Breasts like "clay" with "diamond-hard nipples?" Are you kidding me? Who wants to touch THAT? It sounds gross.

(2) The scenes with "the engine" itself recall certain hentai images which are not to be described. Writhing tentacles, blah blah blah - not horrific, not erotic.

(3) Am I the only one here who was totally grossed out by descriptions of a 12/13yo girl masturbating? I realize that sort of thing is "edgy" and "necessary to the story" and maybe I'm being a "prude" - but come on, it was disgusting (and in a bad way).

Finally, the titular engine was one of the weakest payoffs ever. 40 minutes of active listening and the thing turns out to be (as I mentioned) an extended metaphor. It's not clear if it's real, where it came from etc. It didn't need to be made concrete, but it was a boring concept (desire throbbing all the time like an engine, how original).

Apologies for the length of this rant and for my, perhaps excessive, negativity, but I was quite disappointed with this one. It was long, rambling, slow, hard to follow, purple and not horrific or scary in the least.

On the plus side: the narrator did a fantastic job.  Probably the only thing that kept me listening to the whole thing.

My sentiments exactly.  Maybe it's time for Escape Artists to create an "eroticpod".  I'm sure it has an audience, but I'm not it.

[Millenium_King]

Was it suggesting that the Green River killer was a hentai tentacle monster using a teenage lesbian as bait, or did I misunderstand?

I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head.

But that's not even remotely based in reality.

I know, right?  In this case, reality was WAY more fucking scary.

[blueeyeddevil]

I had a very curious reaction to this story. I did not hate the story, yet I found the narrative style so counter to my every instinct that I listened more as an intellectual exercise in saying 'now why was that choice made?' than for any investement in the story.
It's tempting to say that this is just -in my opinion, of course- bad writing. I didn't find it simply to be awkward or simplistic, but in every way opposite from what would have built verisimilitude for my experience. I don't think I have the right to call it bad so much as it seems to come from metaphorical bizarro-world.
Examples: (I may paraphrase since I listened last night)
The aforementioned 'breasts like clay' ...bwuh?/'She felt her sister's absence, [so far so good] it was as thick and real as her blanket' (thick absence? I'm used to the idea of sensing an absence, but usually, as befits the concept, it involves a sense of thinness or a lack, not a surfeit).
/Reverse timelines can work, but here to the reverse chronology didn't simply fail to accomplish anything, but actually undid much of the impact of the story./And a plethora of other things; finding her lips cold when they should have been hot, having all the girls in a 1969-1972 neighborhood be lesbians and no-one notices or freaks out, etc.
Also, I am a straight male, but I live in a strong gay community and have read some lesbian erotica before. With that said, I found the sex scenes here to be completely unsexy and for that matter strangely masculinized.
I dunno, it worked as mental exercise, but failed completely as storytelling for me.I suspect that wasn't the author's intent.

[LadyDyani]

There were a lot of things that bothered me about this story, and most of them were covered by other posts above.  Millenium_King covered the majority. 

One traumatizing experience in your teens turns you into a sociopath?  If that were the case we'd all be sociopaths.

I am curious about how and why she aborted the two pregnancies.  Did she do it after finding out they were boys and wouldn't lure back the teenage bait for the lesbian fly-trap?  And if she found out the sex of the baby before aborting, how on earth did no one realize she was pregnant?  That's not something you can find out immediately after peeing on the stick.

The erotic writing also felt like it was put in to make the story "edgy", but fell flat of the mark.  Anyone who thinks breasts feel like clay with diamond hard nipples has obviously never touched a breast before.  Smidgen the snack cake was more erotic.

Also, I feel a little guilty for being so negative on my first post here.   

[Sgarre1]

I've resisted commenting on the comments but thought I would address the fractured chronology since so many seem to find it pointless - I imagine relistening might make this more apparent (but if the story didn't work for the listener, relistening is unlikely) but the fractured chronology is used to slowly unveil the character's motivation and complicity with the engine and it's thrall.  This is not simply "innocent led astray by big evil, nor is it "evil girl makes contact with bigger evil and balks", the framing is used to uncover the back and forth layers of the motivation, tied up as it is with family psychodrama, burgeoning sexuality and building a sense of identity in a cultural time period when rejection of family and rigid sexual mores was encouraged (sorry, this isn't a neighborhood of lesbians, just a neighborhood of sexually precocious and experimental suburban girls in the Hippie 60s/Glam 70s - maybe this world is just inconceivable to those who didn't experience at least part of it, when, as the singer Momus put it "sex between strangers was like a handshake between friends". Nor is the main character repressed in any way, though she is certainly a Lesbian - part of the horror arises from the fact that she's willing to marry a man and raise a daughter deliberately to lure back the engine, her desire is so overwhelming and obssessive).

All people's reactions to erotica are different so there's really no guidelines to go by, even less so for horror erotica, but I felt this did a good job at the latter (which usually tends to be erotica with a horror figure like a vampire or succubus) by actually tying the erotic content into an interrogation of desire itself. Also, the evocation of the suburban mileau of the 70s (I don't think The Green River Killer is meant to be specifically invoked, but more as a cultural touchstone of the times, when neighborhoods were emptying of teens for a variety of reasons).  Of course, as always, YMMV.

[yaksox]

I too liked hearing a kiwi narrating.
I fell asleep for a while but that's more of an indicator of where I was at rather than of the story.

[Millenium_King]

...the framing is used to uncover the back and forth layers of the motivation, tied up as it is with family psychodrama, burgeoning sexuality and building a sense of identity in a cultural time period...

That may have been the intent, but I think it failed to do that.  I furthermore am resolute that there are other, more efficient ways of achieving what you describe (for example: I do not believe the story would have been undone if it was told in normal chronological order).  I stand by my original analysis: the reverse order, like a lot of this story, felt like it was included because it made the story "edgy."  This whole thing was style over substance - and what substance there was proved thin indeed.

[Sgarre1]

Ah well, agree to differ then.  I disagree completely.

[Listener]

I like PJB's readings, but when I found out this took place in Washington, that killed it for me.

I didn't mind listening to the story, but I don't think I really liked it that much. I usually enjoy chronological trickery -- I do that in many of my stories -- and I liked it in this story as a way to reveal the various layers/reasons for Megan's behavior.

Unfortunately, Megan's behavior was almost completely ridiculous. Killing your kid so she won't be tempted by a ghost-girl? Killing your husband? Being 36 and making a move on the ghost of a 16-year-old? Marrying some "nice but a little slow" guy from the grocery store so you can have a kid and tempt the creature? Even in 1985 that's clearly a crazy thing to do...

I think this all stems from a combination of unrequited love for Kelly and pain from the loss of her sister back in 1969. Not that that's an excuse, just an explanation.

The story had its problems, but I can see the good parts of it enough to understand why it would have sold.

[LadyDyani]

The chronology didn't bother me.  I didn't find it hard to follow, and I even understand why it was done.  Slowly leading backwards through time to reveal the cataclysmic event that shaped her life at the end of the story. 

It just didn't work for me.   

[Scattercat]

So!  Everyone hated this story.

Guess what I thought?  No, go on.  Guess.

Yeah, I thought this was awesome.  The multi-layered imagery was fudgy and delicious, circling around and touching on motifs and small wordplays until they took on a life of their own.  Prose and poetry don't have to be so far apart, and I am rather bemused by the streak of literalism and hard-edged reality that seems to have overtaken the forums of late.  Sometimes language can be beautiful, and sometimes horror can be beautiful, too. 

I'd have preferred a prose copy, because the chronology was a teensy bit hard to follow in audio, but otherwise my only negative emotion is a small bit of jealousy that I don't have the boldness to write like this.

[Listener]

The chronology didn't bother me.  I didn't find it hard to follow, and I even understand why it was done.  Slowly leading backwards through time to reveal the cataclysmic event that shaped her life at the end of the story. 

It was probably my favorite part of the story (the use of chronology).

[Nitequill]

I have to write in light of the negative comments. I liked the story so much I looked up the author to find other stories by her.

I thought the erotic stuff was erotic though the diamond hard nipples did throw me. I think that adolescent sexuality can be a totally legitimate topic for fiction. Our adolescent experiences haunt us all our lives even if they really don't deserve to... I think in part the story was about that.

I need to re-listen to the story but I thought the sexuality was straight up lesbian not anguished lesbian which was a nice change of pace. I also thought there was the protag as a young teen lusting for a slightly older teen and then the protag as a grown up lusting for the person who would now still be older than her. I must re-listen to see if the 'seductress" remained a teen but that wasn't my impression... I assumed she had aged as well.

The store cashier husband was a bit lazy as a characterization, if the story had indicated what he had become that would have 'honored' his character more... even if he had only become a loser pot head or something. I don't know if me being 43 made a difference or not but I bought the story setting and context -- was familiar down to the the girl/girl sexual politics when I lived in that era at that age.

I liked the reader and don't give a damn what accent a reader has relative a story setting... I just hate when readers try all sorts of dialects and dialog characterization instead of staying in the background and just delivering the words as I felt this reader did. The backward chronology is a pretty standard litterary trope and didn't throw me though I had to focus at first to keep the names straight in the heavy dialog sections.

I think the real reason I liked the story so much more than other posters is I tend to see horror and science fiction as metaphor not as literal. In a supernatural story I want the monsters to be real monsters not delusion or other psychological nonsense but the story as a whole I tend to see as being a metaphor. Vampire stories are usually about sexual attraction, monster stories about sexual attraction/repulsion, zombie stories about loss or illness.

I figured this story was about sexual longing and sexual jealousy and unrequited lust. I have read a lot of stuff but the 'seductress' as bait for a monster was done well, the suburban horror element was handled well, and the engine was suitably horrific. I think the 'seductress' and the engine both function as metaphors for aspects of the protags own feelings and I liked the protags refusal at the end to be just an other conquest.... it delivered the sense of betrayal you feel when you find out you are just a casual fling to someone for whom you pined deeply.

This story reminded me of old James Tiptree, Jr. stuff... far better than anything by best sellers like Stephen King or Dean Koontz. I have seen a lot of tropes and there is nothing new under the sun but this story was very evocative on the primary level as a story about a monster/being flirty fishing from a suburban ranch style and on a sub-text level as about the poignancy of adolescent lust and the feeling of betrayal when those contacts are transient or nonreciprocal.

[Unblinking]

I really didn't care for this story.  And then I read the following comments on the forum:

she's willing to marry a man and raise a daughter deliberately to lure back the engine, her desire is so overwhelming and obssessive

And now I dislike it even more.  I hadn't gotten that aspect of the story at all, that the protagonist is raising a child as bait just to lure Kelly back.

The descriptions and metaphors were way too overblown, to the point where I was having trouble finding the actual reality in places.  And they just got thicker in the sex scenes--maybe it's just because of a guy but when I'm in the moment like that I'm not thinking much beyond "SEX!", I am not stretching metaphors beyond their breaking point during this time.

I actually don't have anything against an erotica horror story here, but I didn't find any of this erotic, perhaps because of the purple metaphors, I'm not sure.  I'm not sure I know why it didn't work for me, but it didn't. 

The chronology really hurt the story I think.  The closest I ever got to really being interested was at the moment of the reveal of the engine after such a long time talking about it.  And then afterward it goes back to a flirting scene several years before and then ends on that less climactic point.

Overall, I think this one was just too long of word content for its length, and the level of metaphor was just too much.

[Nitequill]

Seems like guys didn't find this erotic... any women type people read it? Same opinion?

Clearly protags don't have to be paragons of virtue... note the Dentisto story protagonist who didn't seem to put people off that story. Everyone seems to be judging this protagonist for her lust and selfishness and mercenary attitude while that dentist was a butcher and a rapist but that didn't seem to garner any approbation. 

I feel like this story touches on the ineffable and that is the sort of metaphor I meant as opposed to literary/rhetorical metaphor. I feel good horror and sci-fi expresses something that can't be articulated directly. I felt this story expressed lust and loss and rejection and all that... people are not pretty when it comes to that stuff.

Really I think this was one of my favorite if not favorite PseudoPod stories but there is no accounting for taste right?