The story and reading was great. I downloaded this one and readied it for a road trip this past weekend based upon how much I enjoyed the author's flash entries. I'm going to have to search for the honey book that was pimped in the outro. Or the author could just pimp it here so we don't have to search >.>
I was kind of confused by the intro, though. If I hadn't known what was coming, I think I would've been thrown by all the description of Cahokia, the ancient pre-Columbus American empire, prior to a story set in an ancient fantasy Arabic culture.
I didn't want to talk about the stuff Dave mentioned in the outro, cause I thought that would be better after the story, and I was sort of free-associating "sun, sun...hmmm" and my brain landed on Cahokia. They show a short film at the Interpretive Center (you can see it on the website, too) called "Cahokia: City of the Sun." And I thought, "well, the connection is very, very tenuous, but more people should know about Cahokia." So I went with it.
I'm a wanderer in from Pseudopod, so I'm used to Alasdair slamming me into a story within a minute and giving up a little philosophy in the outro. The style is different over here, so it could be I'm being resistant to change. I'll let you know once I'm sure. But I had some issues with the intro and outro.
First problem with the intro was not identifying where Cahokia was located. With as much time as was dedicated to the culture, I have no idea where it was located. I was trying to locate it in Texas or the Yucutan, when I think maybe it's somewhere near St Louis? Then my second and biggest problem was the intro set me up to expect a different location for the story. I was thinking mound people midwest with a pre-colonial explorer who was "just passing through". I was predisposed to a different culture, so it really jangled me when they were talking about food preparation that was clearly middle eastern. I got kicked out of the story for a good minute while I readjusted my bearing.
The outro portion discussing the Arabic language was good. But then the outro went for another five minutes or more. The reader feedback (which not having listened to either the story or been to the forums) felt like the whole thread was being summarized for me. Most of the editorial portions didn't really grab me, and I could try to define it a bit more concisely if that would be helpful.
I hope this has been constructive feedback, as I'm not trying to be the curmudgeon from the scary room walking over to kick down your sandcastles.
« Last Edit: July 13, 2010, 12:26:21 AM by Fenrix »
All cat stories start with this statement: “My mother, who was the first cat, told me this...”