I'm still checking in when I can, Wakela. I didn't have plans to post again, but since you had a question I'll try to cover everything...
RE: 2 superpowerupped combat guys who stand around and talk...
Well, I hate to disappoint a reader, but I think I may be caught in a no-win situation here. This was hardly a story lacking in violence or destruction, even if most of it was in flashback. And I suspect that if I'd had the two superpowerupped guys wading into battle for most of the time, I'm sure someone would object to my failing to defy expectations by having them only do the obvious. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that the story is what I intended it to be in this respect, but I'm sorry you were disappointed. Regarding the general impression that there's a lot of world-building that "goes unused," I always enjoyed stories where the universe feels bigger than the plot of the story. I think it was one of the things that made Star Wars a success, and I always liked how the world of China Mieville's Bas-Lag/New Crobuzon books always seemed full to bursting.
RE: The sourcewell, and flying into it
Wakela is right on target for the impression I wanted to make. The Lobans had never seen sourcewells; their technology ran on more familiar (to us) principles. Like I said earlier, I thought of it as a black hole -- something perceptible enough make you curious, but if you had no idea what it was, even getting close enough to find out would probably get you killed. In retrospect, this would have been clearer if I had made the sourcewell less of a visual phenomenon, or if I had not had the Lobans realize that it was a source of "great power" -- instead, just a curious anomaly.
RE: Parallels with real-world organizations
Yes and no. I wasn't targeting any specific organization or group with either. That said, the story was informed by real-world events and how I was feeling about them at the time. The assignment was to come up with a story about people having to flee their homeworld. For that, I thought back to 9/11, and the feeling of lost innocence and probably worse to come in order for us to feel safe. And the reason for the Zayeen crusade -- continued presence of Ashterites on their holy ground -- was directly inspired by the similar motivations behind the formation of al-Qaeda (continued American military presence near Saudi holy places). That said, neither is meant to be an exact parallel; the Zayeen are not al-Qaeda and the Ashterites are not Americans. I only borrowed pieces of real-world events and used them as part of a story about a much simpler conflict. Also, I wrote this story in November 2008. Dominating the news at the time were collapsing banks and speculation that this was the end of Alan Greenspan/Ayn Rand style laissez-faire capitalism. That was what inspired the Loban philosophy -- a straightforward creed that works well, but like most, falls apart when taken to extremes. Am I saying that Alan Greenspan should be incinerated in an otherworldly column of light? No, I am not. Again, just taking real-world bits and working them into a framework with far fewer shades of grey than the real world. So please don't take this as an invitation to argue about capitalism or 9/11 or what-have-you; I won't engage on any of that, except as it pertains directly to this piece of fiction.
RE: "What do you know? You're just the author!"
Please, no one worry about this. Your viewpoints as readers are actually far more important than what I have in my head while I'm typing. My goal is to write things that others will enjoy; if I only wrote for myself, I wouldn't seek publication. And only you folks can tell me what happens in a reader's head when they read (or in this case, hear) the story.