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Author Topic: EP317: Boxed In  (Read 3921 times)
Dem
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« Reply #20 on: November 09, 2011, 05:21:00 PM »



(Barry, outing himself.)
Aha - an Oz! Thought so. Hence the apparent cheery upbeatness.
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« Reply #21 on: November 10, 2011, 09:56:53 AM »

My main reaction to this story was frustration. Like Max, I was yelling at the MC to stop being irrationally afraid (only I was yelling into my lab's freezer at a bunch of tubes instead of at a bus full of people). It's like he was primed to expect the worst, so every little thing seemed to set off alarm bells. Perhaps I was missing something, but it really seemed like his reactions were seriously out of sync with the situation.

I tend to disagree. He was being offered an obscene amount of money for... what, exactly? He's a street kid.. being concerned about safety is absolutely a priority. And his concern was clearly merited IMHO, considering what she dragged him into.

What Talia said.  His fear is not by any means irrational here.  He should be very afraid.

Everyone has already said everything I wanted to say. I guess we have a consensus, more or less...

Has anyone said anything you didn't want to say? Smiley

And, has anyone not said anything you didn't want to say?   Grin


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SF.Fangirl
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« Reply #22 on: November 12, 2011, 08:03:04 PM »

I agree with what others have said before me.  Again we get a short story that abruptly ends when the it's about to get good.  Again we get way more world building than plot.  I thought the world was interesting, but I want more plot with my story.  This story did have a completed plot unlike Site Fourteen, but it quit just when things were getting interesting.  The main character's passivity didn't add any excitement to the plot either.

I've made this complaint several times recently.  I even wondered if I am becoming uninterested in what the short form offers, but I did really enjoy Clockwork Fagin which told a complete story in short form without skimpping on the world building and my complaint echos a lot of other posters said for both this story and Site Fourteen.  I'm beginning to think that the problem is the story selection.  I enjoyed the setting for both this and Site Fourteen, but felt very let down when the actual story went no where interesting.
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seanpeter
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« Reply #23 on: November 17, 2011, 08:19:55 PM »

Cheese grater?  Who knows what a cheese grater is in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.  Couldn't get it out of my mind for the rest of the story.  But a good story it was.  Except for the cheese grater.
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Max e^{i pi}
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« Reply #24 on: November 23, 2011, 10:28:14 AM »

Cheese grater?  Who knows what a cheese grater is in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.  Couldn't get it out of my mind for the rest of the story.  But a good story it was.  Except for the cheese grater.
Of course they have cheese graters.
That's what they use to flay people alive with.
People flay other people alive in post-apocalyptic wastelands, right?
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FireTurtle
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« Reply #25 on: November 24, 2011, 11:23:25 PM »

OMG. Gamercow wrote what I was going to write. We are in agreement, this must mean the apocalypse is nigh. Repent ye sinners.

Edit: to clarify source of apocalypse
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seanpeter
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« Reply #26 on: December 03, 2011, 01:03:07 PM »

Cheese grater?  Who knows what a cheese grater is in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.  Couldn't get it out of my mind for the rest of the story.  But a good story it was.  Except for the cheese grater.
Of course they have cheese graters.
That's what they use to flay people alive with.
People flay other people alive in post-apocalyptic wastelands, right?

Well, then it's not a cheese grater..
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Max e^{i pi}
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« Reply #27 on: December 05, 2011, 02:48:02 AM »

Cheese grater?  Who knows what a cheese grater is in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.  Couldn't get it out of my mind for the rest of the story.  But a good story it was.  Except for the cheese grater.
Of course they have cheese graters.
That's what they use to flay people alive with.
People flay other people alive in post-apocalyptic wastelands, right?

Well, then it's not a cheese grater..
Even if it has a new use, the term might stay the same. Language is funny like that...
Example: I have a Xerox monitor, and I've never wanted to make copies of it.
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« Reply #28 on: December 08, 2011, 12:23:06 PM »

Cheese grater?  Who knows what a cheese grater is in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.  Couldn't get it out of my mind for the rest of the story.  But a good story it was.  Except for the cheese grater.
Of course they have cheese graters.
That's what they use to flay people alive with.
People flay other people alive in post-apocalyptic wastelands, right?

Well, then it's not a cheese grater..
Even if it has a new use, the term might stay the same. Language is funny like that...
Example: I have a Xerox monitor, and I've never wanted to make copies of it.

That's not the best example, since Xerox is the brand name, not the object.  Unless you have a photocopier monitor.  But I agree with your point.  I'm not sure what would make the best example.  I'm having trouble thinking of objects that fall under this category.  
--I guess, perhaps, you could say "glasses" (as in eyeglasses) is a bit outdated because many eyeglasses have no glass in them, but no one would know what you mean if you said "polycarbonates".  (would be a better example if I could think of a name based on function rather than composition)

For some reason, expressions are coming to mind, not objects, such as:
a "rule of thumb" has nothing to do with thumbs
"letting the cat out of the bag" has nothing to do with cats or bags
Those aren't great examples either, having more to do with lasting expressions than actual object names.


Maybe they call it a cheese grater to add insult to injury.  "Not only am I damaging you, but I'm not even doing it properly and using a human grater, that's how little respect I have for your existence."  
Or perhaps the overlords also use them to grate cheese.  Nothing like a little blood to season your pizza toppings.
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« Reply #29 on: December 08, 2011, 12:29:29 PM »

I guess a marginally more appropriate example would be a "corkscrew".  Yes, it is a screw that can be used to pull cork stoppers out of bottles.  But they also work perfectly well against other kinds of stoppers, like plastic ones .  If there is an unforeseen shortage of cork in the future, I'd bet people will still call them corkscrews, not plasticscrews.
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Gamercow
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« Reply #30 on: December 16, 2011, 09:06:55 AM »

If there is an unforeseen shortage of cork in the future, I'd bet people will still call them corkscrews, not plasticscrews.

There's actually a cork shortage happening right now.  The wine world is trying to convince drinkers that screw caps are just fine, and that they do their job just as well if not better than corks. 
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« Reply #31 on: December 16, 2011, 09:31:04 AM »

If there is an unforeseen shortage of cork in the future, I'd bet people will still call them corkscrews, not plasticscrews.

There's actually a cork shortage happening right now.  The wine world is trying to convince drinkers that screw caps are just fine, and that they do their job just as well if not better than corks. 

And the cork world is still trying to convince us that it's not so, the bastards.

I say we go back to glass bottles that seal completely, forcing us to smash the bottle open and serve through wire mesh. Who's with me!?
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Max e^{i pi}
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« Reply #32 on: December 18, 2011, 09:17:11 AM »

If there is an unforeseen shortage of cork in the future, I'd bet people will still call them corkscrews, not plasticscrews.

There's actually a cork shortage happening right now.  The wine world is trying to convince drinkers that screw caps are just fine, and that they do their job just as well if not better than corks. 

And the cork world is still trying to convince us that it's not so, the bastards.
My wine only comes with a screw cap when there are bubbles in it. Otherwise it's usually with a fake cork. It doesn't add the proper flavor, but it looks a lot better than a screw cap.
And yes, I can taste the difference between wine (properly stored) stoppered with a real cork or not.
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« Reply #33 on: December 21, 2011, 05:03:07 PM »

OK, not a lot of love for this one, but I think people are too harsh, and doing the classic mistake of just judging the story by it's ending. Because, yeah, the ending was bad fit with the rest of the story, which was really about this kid who was just hanging on to a life that his sister had set up to him. So it would have felt more natural with a conclusion revealing or changing their relation in some major way. Instead we got this little breach of a group of pariahs ?

But aside of that, there was definitely stuff to like here, the world where air quality is the major class marker and where the upper classes must buy into the sensations of the lower to feel anything at all certainly hit a note with me. The structure of past and present gave a nice rhythm to the story (although it was a bit heavy on exposition) and felt relevant as I expected it to provide clues towards what was going to go down.

I should say though that if this was really the starting point of a 'revolution' (which didn't seem likely, there is no hint of the lower classes being organized in any kind of 'resistance') rather than just a one-off lesson to the arrogant rich, it would be kind of bittersweet how it took a bored rich kid to set it up ....
 
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Sir Postsalot
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« Reply #34 on: February 28, 2012, 12:25:07 PM »

OK, not a lot of love for this one, but I think people are too harsh, and doing the classic mistake of just judging the story by it's ending. Because, yeah, the ending was bad fit with the rest of the story, which was really about this kid who was just hanging on to a life that his sister had set up to him. So it would have felt more natural with a conclusion revealing or changing their relation in some major way. Instead we got this little breach of a group of pariahs ?

I wouldn't really call it a "classic mistake" to judge a story by its ending.  I don't think it's a mistake at all.  It's only natural and it makes sense.  Although one can make criticisms about any part of a story, the most common will be the beginning and ending and the climax, because those are the most notable points in your average story structure.  The ending is the destination, the part that all of the rest of the narrative exists to move towards, so of course if it doesn't fit the rest of the story that's going to be a complaint. 

Just like focusing complaints on the beginning, because if it doesn't make you want to keep reading, that's a very valid complaint as well.
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LaShawn
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« Reply #35 on: April 19, 2012, 11:32:51 AM »

Hmm...I agree with everyone. It was beautiful worldbuilding, but the passiveness of the main character makes made this just an okay story. I found myself far more interested in what the sister was doing. Yes, her relationship with her brother was creepy. How did she get that way? How did she feel about setting up his marks? How, in fact, does she get people to go to them dome. I think if this story had been told through the sister's POV, it would have been a grittier, more fulfilling story.

As for the end--I didn't see it as a revolution. With all the references to disease, I got the impression that just opening the door to allow in all the "germs" would be catastrophic enough.
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