In The Fetal Position, Listening To The Police's 'King of Pain' OR Learning to Deal With Rejection
Robbie Williams said it best when he said 'Ouch.'
Six months ago, I submitted something to Interzone's e-sub window. It was a story called 'Montgolfier Winter' and I thought it was pretty good. I submitted it, passed the first round of reading, passed the second round of reading and then...nothing. Then, Christmas. Then, New Year and then...nothing.
I don't know about anyone else, but I have a sense about rejection emails. Without opening them I can feel, on some primal level that they won't contain good news. And, the email from Interzone, when it came, didn't. What it did contain was the single best, detailed critique of a piece I've ever read. Which of course, also means that it was like being verbally beaten up. I won't share the contents itself but they liked what was good and pulled absolutely no punches whatsoever about what was bad. And what was bad, wasn't what I thought it was.
I'm quite good at dialogue, it's something which I enjoy doing and when I'm on, it has a really nice pace to it. When I'm off, it's sub West Wing-banter and when I'm really, REALLY off and not paying attention then, urrghh. The dialogue was one of the reasons why Montgolfier didn't get any further. In fact, it was the main reason along with some very clunky text. The basic ideas of the story, the basic plot? Solid. the execution, not so much.
It knocked me on my ass. I'd thrown myself completely into Montgolfier and I thought it had a real shot. To make matters worse, about fifteen years ago when I was about...fifteen I submitted something to Interzone and again, got a knockback. So, the fear, the little voice at the back of my head was going
'Fifteen years Al, fifteen years and you're still not good enough for them.'
Then, after a day or so, the positive elements of the crit began to filter through. The ideas were there, the ideas were the right calibre. It was the execution, it was the nuts and bolts, the mechanical stuff that had let me down. Or, to put it another way, the stuff I should have paid attention to. The disappointment gave way to frustration and irritation at the thought of what I'd not done, and how I'd let myself down.
So, a few days alter, I did the only thing you can do in that situation. I went back through another story, spent a full day rebuilding it and submitted it elsewhere. Montgolfier itself is next on the list, but at eight thousand words it's a hefty edit. I borrowed a book on grammar (Apparently one of the other things that let me down), I changed my proof reading methods and I got back on the horse.
I got close, and close isn't good enough, but close will do for now. The e-sub window opens again in six weeks and I'll have something ready for it. Montgolfier itself will be sent out elsewhere later this week and I've come out of the experience a little battered, a lot wiser and a lot more focussed. Dialogue no longer gets a free pass, I no longer proof read on the screen and my subscription to Grammar Girl's podcast is next on the list:)
I got close. Next time I'll get it.