I appreciated the theme of "a terrible price paid," but I think I would have found the story more meaningful if the character had known what she was getting into and made a terrible, irrevocably choice for the sake of her lover. Characters stumbling ass-backwards into sacrifice just doesn't appeal to me. It doesn't tell me anything about the character other than "she made a mistake in her ignorance."
But isn't that the point -- that's like life? You start something with the best of intentions and it's not until you're right in the thick of things you discover the real cost? I think it's a rare situation where you fully understand the cost before proceeding.
But if that's the case, then it isn't a choice. It's an accident.
Or, rather, I feel that characters - and the character of real people, too - are defined by choices made with
some understanding of the circumstances. What's interesting to me is the choices people make - and the prices they pay - when they think they understand the situation. What's also interesting to me are the mental vicissitudes that people are willing to put themselves through in order to avoid facing uncomfortable truths. These are interesting.
On the other hand, I get that unintended consequences can be a totally compelling thing. However, there's a fine line.
I get into my car, drive down the street, run into you, and you die. Your death is an unintended consequence of my driving, but it doesn't say a lot about my character. In fact, it doesn't say anything about my character. As they say: shit happens. This is not really a story (sorry).
I have a drink, get into my car, drive down the street, run into you, and you die. Your death is an unintended consequence of my driving, but there's more to the story. I rendered myself unsafe to drive before I got into the car. I probably have all sorts of fascinating narrative crap going on in my head. Why did I have that drink? Why did I get behind the wheel? How did I convince myself that it was going to be ok, even though I knew it was stupid? Your death is an unintended consequence of my driving, but it still says a lot about my character that you were killed. Again, sorry about that.
While the first story certainly happens in real life, I'm not all that interested in seeing it reflected in fiction. The second story has a lot more potential.
I think this story was very close to being exactly what I would have wanted. I would have liked to see the narrator given more of a chance to understand what she was doing. I would have liked for her to be given clearer warnings, and then I would have liked to see more of a glimpse into why she ignored those warnings. Then, when the story concludes and "justice" is done, and she is left in the wreckage of her choices, we have completion.
What we have now just felt like a sad joke, and the punchline is "bad things happen, and sometimes you never had a chance." And while that's true in life, I don't find it compelling in fiction. If the story was more of a tragedy, and the lesson was "be ruthlessly honest with yourself; your self-deceptions could lead you and others to grief," I would have found that more interesting.
But I totally admit that I am a bad choices junky. I come to fiction to see characters making bad choices. Even when the story ends well, I need to see lots of bad choices along the way. I understand that this isn't everyone's favorite aesthetic, but it is definitely mine.