Author Topic: EP376: Shutdown  (Read 15893 times)

eytanz

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on: December 28, 2012, 02:48:47 PM
EP376: Shutdown

By Corry. L Lee

Read by MK Hobson

First appeared in L. Ron Hubbard Presents Writers of the Future, Vol. 28 (winner) (2011)

---

The alarm blared over the forest’s metallic rustling, and my HUD’s red
warning light glazed the view through my faceplate. Ten seconds until
the defense scan hit my position. Ten seconds until any motion, any
electrical signature would whip vines down from the iron-cored trees,
wrapping me as surely as steel cables, pinning me while cutter-bugs
took me apart.

My muscles clenched, and I froze. The training sims hadn’t prepared
me for the terror twisting my gut, for the way my heart seemed to
dance a _pas-de-bourrée_, its ballerina toes rapping against my ribs.

I didn’t have time to panic. I chinned my skinsuit’s kill switch and
dropped to the forest floor. In the silence after the klaxon died, my
breather hissed out one final gasp of oxygen. The red glow faded from
my faceplate and the forest closed in, dark without the HUD’s gain and
unnaturally silent without the suit’s audio pickups. Weak sunlight
filtered through the thick canopy, yellowed by sulfur gas, enough to
make out shapes but not details. In sims, they’d cut our visual
enhancement, but they must have extrapolated badly because the shadows
had never been this deep, the shafts of sunlight never so diseased.

I crouched on a patch of dirt, crumpling fallen leaves but avoiding
the forest’s ragged undergrowth. I folded my legs beneath me,
splaying my arms for balance. My hands slipped on the metal-rich
berries that covered the ground as if someone had derailed a freight
train of ball bearings. I swept some impatiently aside and rested my
helmeted forehead on the dirt. How much time had passed? Eight
seconds? No time to worry.

Gritting my teeth, I stopped my heart.

A vise seemed to close about my chest. Sweat beaded on my brow as I
dragged in one last breath, my body panicking, automatic reflexes
screaming at me to fight, to struggle, to escape. I fought them as
Sergeant Miller and Captain Johnston trained me, fought them and
stopped breathing. My vision narrowed. My lips tingled and went
numb. _Twelve minutes_, I repeated to myself as the forest grew dark
and disappeared.

_You’ll come back._ The words echoed in Sergeant Miller’s clipped
bark. Just a few minutes ago he’d given me the thumbs-up after
checking my suit’s seals. He’d rapped his knuckles against my helmet
for luck, and I’d stridden toward this forested hell.


Listen to this week’s Escape Pod!



eytanz

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Reply #1 on: December 31, 2012, 01:07:33 AM
I've split out the post complaining about the lack of an audible cue for time breaks in the story. This is a recurring complaint that is true of many EP stories, and it makes no sense to keep repeating it in every story where it's relevant. This is a general complaint about EP editorial policy, and should be discussed in the "About EP" forum; the new thread can be found there.

From now on, it will still be valid to state whether or not people had difficulty with an episode because of time breaks within the episode thread; but any suggestions for changes to editorial policy in this matter will be deleted from episode threads and should be confined to the "About EP" thread linked above. I'm pretty sure this will actually increase the chances of something happening about it.



Max e^{i pi}

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Reply #2 on: December 31, 2012, 08:23:49 AM
Thank you Eytanz.
I was going to comment about the story, but I think Eytanz deserves his own entire post, just for all of the hard work he does in helping to keep the forums a (somewhat) sane environment.  ;D
« Last Edit: December 31, 2012, 08:44:36 AM by Max e^{i pi} »

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Max e^{i pi}

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Reply #3 on: December 31, 2012, 08:42:35 AM
I really liked this story.

I saw Amaechi's transformation (from a person fixated with doing whatever the hell it takes to fulfill her dream into someone who actually learns to love what she is doing) from miles away. And looking back at it, in retrospect, the transformation appeared to be slightly forced and not smooth at all.
But while I was listening to it, it seemed to me to be the most smooth and natural thing in the world. I was so caught up in the story, identified so well with Amaechi that when it happened it took me a little by surprise. I loved it.
Maybe it's because I, like so many others, have found myself often enough doing something I didn't like or even hated just to achieve something else but then starting to enjoy the journey.

And the story.... wow.
Unknown, possibly hostile aliens terraforming (is it called terraforming if you don't make it like Terra?) planets and nobody knowing why. Yes, it's an old trope, but it's one that I happen to like.
The author cleverly avoided the it-was-all-a-misunderstanding trope and the bipedal-aliens trope. Also the architecture of the aliens suited their physiology and mindset. Basically square shaped corridors are nice, but there really is no reason to make them if you would rather use the walls. Four walls for climbing on makes much more sense that just two. This basically means that each corridor is actually four corridors. If I had to film it for TV or a movie I'd change those to hexagonal corridors, so my actors could walk along them, and we'd still have 4 walls. Also hexagons stack nicely together (honeycombs). But making a 4-walled corridor without a ceiling or a floor takes less resources, so makes more sense to these aliens. I love consistency in my stories.
In fact, when Norm had said that this week's author was a scientist by training and profession I said to myself "Oh good. No silly physics mistakes in this story, and it will probably make internal sense as well." I'm very glad I wasn't disappointed.

To summarize: this was an excellent story of a person growing and becoming more than she was when she first started, coming to terms with herself as a person and what she was doing with her life and what she wanted from it. All that wrapped up in a wonderful bit of science fiction that actually had enough to stand up on its own.
Two thumbs way, way up.

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Dem

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Reply #4 on: December 31, 2012, 09:58:04 AM
I really liked this story.

I saw Amaechi's transformation (from a person fixated with doing whatever the hell it takes to fulfill her dream into someone who actually learns to love what she is doing) from miles away. And looking back at it, in retrospect, the transformation appeared to be slightly forced and not smooth at all.
But while I was listening to it, it seemed to me to be the most smooth and natural thing in the world. I was so caught up in the story, identified so well with Amaechi that when it happened it took me a little by surprise. I loved it.
Maybe it's because I, like so many others, have found myself often enough doing something I didn't like or even hated just to achieve something else but then starting to enjoy the journey.

And the story.... wow.
Unknown, possibly hostile aliens terraforming (is it called terraforming if you don't make it like Terra?) planets and nobody knowing why. Yes, it's an old trope, but it's one that I happen to like.
The author cleverly avoided the it-was-all-a-misunderstanding trope and the bipedal-aliens trope. Also the architecture of the aliens suited their physiology and mindset. Basically square shaped corridors are nice, but there really is no reason to make them if you would rather use the walls. Four walls for climbing on makes much more sense that just two. This basically means that each corridor is actually four corridors. If I had to film it for TV or a movie I'd change those to hexagonal corridors, so my actors could walk along them, and we'd still have 4 walls. Also hexagons stack nicely together (honeycombs). But making a 4-walled corridor without a ceiling or a floor takes less resources, so makes more sense to these aliens. I love consistency in my stories.
In fact, when Norm had said that this week's author was a scientist by training and profession I said to myself "Oh good. No silly physics mistakes in this story, and it will probably make internal sense as well." I'm very glad I wasn't disappointed.

To summarize: this was an excellent story of a person growing and becoming more than she was when she first started, coming to terms with herself as a person and what she was doing with her life and what she wanted from it. All that wrapped up in a wonderful bit of science fiction that actually had enough to stand up on its own.
Two thumbs way, way up.
Just what I was going to say - I wish! I've been lurking until someone said something I could agree or disagree with due to Christmas having sucked my brain out of my ears and here it is. The only thing I would add is the absolute delight at having a dancer of ballet as the MC - goodness me, how often do you see that? Ok, she defected in the end but she will never stop being a dancer because she is dancing her soldiering. Brilliant.

Science is what you do when the funding panel thinks you know what you're doing. Fiction is the same only without the funding.


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Reply #5 on: January 02, 2013, 01:33:23 AM
I listened to this episode at the start of a 4 hour Christmas Day drive that I was dreading.  Given my frame of mind, I was completely prepared to listen to this story and move on to the next podcast in my queue. Instead, I was absolutely blown away.  I have deeply enjoyed many stories I've heard on EP over the years but this is the first one that lit the fire under my butt to register and post a comment. 

Almost from the start I empathized with the protagonist and before I realized it, I was literally cheering her on!  My heart started beating faster when she was fighting the aliens; I rejoiced when she shot her way out of the giant tree; and I held my breath as she dashed for the forest.  Then, when the story ended I fleetingly felt ripped off that I couldn't share in her celebration when she returned to base!  I couldn't care less if her companions made it out alive or not, but I was completely wrapped up in the persona of the protagonist. 

That has never happened to me in a podcast/audiobook before and only rarely happens in a paper book.  I absolutely loved this story for how it captivated me.  Was it technically perfect?  I don't know.  I'll leave comments on those aspects of the story to other posters but I will say again that this story was able to achieve what no other podcast/audiobook has been able to do for me.  Maybe this story helped me channel the Spirit of Christmas Present, but whatever the cause, I was carried off to a great place that I want to visit again and it helped kick-start a great Christmas Day. 

Thank you Escape Artists, MK Hobson, and Corry L. Lee.




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Reply #6 on: January 02, 2013, 05:17:05 PM
I had a mixed reaction to this one.

I really enjoyed the worldbuilding, the strange bug aliens terraforming without communicating, zapping our "advanced" technology and their apparently genegineered cutter bugs and whatnot.  The necessity of periodic death makes this a pretty scary journey with high stakes.

I think much of what I didn't like about it stems from the flashforward-flashback-flashforward format that has become too popular in recent years, and which as usual has managed to kill what tension I had.  The flashbacks are primarily aimed toward the goal of establishing a method of dying and reviving, which is fraught with peril even though they're just sitting in labs and stuff.  But because our first section takes place in the future after this has become routine for her, there is no tension in that.  The two main tensions in the story are the killing of herself, but that's already resolved in the first scene and only attempts to show us in the flashbacks.  The other one is the faceoff inside the tree but that was resolved by her just taking the weapon out of her enemy's hands, THEN taking her own weapon out of the enemy's hands and then running and shooting a lot.  Her being able to grab the alien weapon was improbable, but them then allowing her to take the slug thrower just after that  when they should be extra alert just struck me as ridiculous.  And she's so well armored that there wasn't really any tension of her blasting her way out--they hit her lots of times but she just kept going.

 There's some really awesome stuff here, and I was interested enough in the worldbuilding to listen to the end, and I don't regret listening.  But I didn't feel that the tension was played up very well.



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Reply #7 on: January 02, 2013, 06:22:22 PM
Her being able to grab the alien weapon was improbable, but them then allowing her to take the slug thrower just after that  when they should be extra alert just struck me as ridiculous.
That bothered me a little bit at first too, but then I remembered that they don't have articulated joints, but rather tentacles. Now, if you think about it, tentacles aren't very well suited for holding on to things that other entities would really rather you didn't hold on to. No tendons to pull bones tight, no interlocking fingers. Just a coil of tentacle sort of holding it in place. A good tug in the direction that is perpendicular to the direction that the tentacle is coiled will release whatever was grasped there.
That also explained (to me) why she didn't try to use their weapon on them. The interface would be designed for tentacles, and so alien to her that she wouldn't be able to figure it out on the run.

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Reply #8 on: January 02, 2013, 07:36:02 PM
That also explained (to me) why she didn't try to use their weapon on them. The interface would be designed for tentacles, and so alien to her that she wouldn't be able to figure it out on the run.

I thought their weapon only worked on electronics, like an EMP, but the aliens are not electronic.  Maybe I totally misunderstood that.



Max e^{i pi}

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Reply #9 on: January 02, 2013, 09:45:47 PM
That also explained (to me) why she didn't try to use their weapon on them. The interface would be designed for tentacles, and so alien to her that she wouldn't be able to figure it out on the run.

I thought their weapon only worked on electronics, like an EMP, but the aliens are not electronic.  Maybe I totally misunderstood that.
They did keep shooting at her.
Also, if it only works on electronics, then when they keep shooting at her and it does her no harm then it's not because of her armor. It's because her electronics are already dead.

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Reply #10 on: January 03, 2013, 02:29:33 PM
That also explained (to me) why she didn't try to use their weapon on them. The interface would be designed for tentacles, and so alien to her that she wouldn't be able to figure it out on the run.

I thought their weapon only worked on electronics, like an EMP, but the aliens are not electronic.  Maybe I totally misunderstood that.
They did keep shooting at her.
Also, if it only works on electronics, then when they keep shooting at her and it does her no harm then it's not because of her armor. It's because her electronics are already dead.

Yeah, I think you're right.  The story specifi ally mentioned her body armor protecting her, so I think I misunderstood what the weapon did.



Max e^{i pi}

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Reply #11 on: January 03, 2013, 02:49:00 PM
That also explained (to me) why she didn't try to use their weapon on them. The interface would be designed for tentacles, and so alien to her that she wouldn't be able to figure it out on the run.

I thought their weapon only worked on electronics, like an EMP, but the aliens are not electronic.  Maybe I totally misunderstood that.
They did keep shooting at her.
Also, if it only works on electronics, then when they keep shooting at her and it does her no harm then it's not because of her armor. It's because her electronics are already dead.

Yeah, I think you're right.  The story specifically mentioned her body armor protecting her, so I think I misunderstood what the weapon did.
It confused me too.
But her suit may be some sort of Faraday Cage and protect the remainder of her electronics. Like her breather. (Why not her HUD? Because that would be in the helmet and not protected by the cage. Plus, it receives exterior EM stimuli as input, so can't be shielded.) But I wouldn't call a Faraday Cage armor.
The other option is that she stole the EMP gun, and then they shot at her with particle beams, directed energy or slug thrower weapons. Her carbon fiber armored suit did protect her against that, but then we're back at you being dissatisfied with there being no tension.
Either way, that did not bother me too much while I was listening to the story, I was totally caught up in it.

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Reply #12 on: January 04, 2013, 12:54:01 PM
The idea of her having to "die" repeatedly to bypass the alien security was interesting.  OIherwise the story seemed to be stuff cribbed from bad movies.  A factory-working, ballet-dancing, tech-armor wearing, hard-as-nails female action hero protagonist?   Please.  We're already into made for SyFy territory and things don't get better.  The chase/shootout, in particular, was something that might have been exciting on screen; a verbal description of it was just tedious as there was no question that Our Heroine would escape.  The only reason I can come up with for the aliens not pursuing her or switching on their security is that the author wanted it that way.  Our Heroine suddenly deciding she loves the army appears to be similarly motivated.
I guess I didn't like this story very much at all.




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Reply #13 on: January 07, 2013, 07:57:54 AM
l enjoyed this one - growth lies in the limit-experience, that seemed to be the point to me.
For Foucault, "the idea of a limit-experience that wrenches the subject from itself is what was important to me in my reading of Nietzsche, Bataille, and Blanchot". In this way, the systems of philosophy and psychology, and their conceptions of reality and the unified subject, could be challenged and exposed, in favour of what systems/ consciousness had to refuse and exclude.  In this way, he strove for what Foucault would call "the point of life which lies as close as possible to the impossibility of living, which lies at the limit or the extreme". It was at the edge of limits where the ability to comprehend experience breaks down that Bataille sought to live. (Wiki)



flashedarling

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Reply #14 on: January 07, 2013, 04:06:31 PM
I thought their weapon only worked on electronics, like an EMP, but the aliens are not electronic.  Maybe I totally misunderstood that.

Perhaps I'm misremembering but my impression was they hit her with the EMP that shorted out her systems. Then once she grabbed the gun and ran they switched to conventional high-speed projectile guns.

Of course I suppose it could be that their guns do both, a high speed projectile that also disrupts electronics on a hit.



dirk.bruere

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Reply #15 on: January 07, 2013, 09:23:20 PM
And on a rather minor point, Sulphur Dioxide does not smell of rotten eggs. That's Hydrogen Sulphide.



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Reply #16 on: January 08, 2013, 05:54:38 PM
What a Story !! This was like someone ripped the Heart out of an very good Action Movie and forced it to be a story.  It was Action and Adventure and had room left over for an interesting Charakter development plot.  Just Great. I was thrilled...



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Reply #17 on: January 09, 2013, 05:25:23 PM
I really enjoyed this story. I found that it avoided many of the tropes which sometimes turn me off in Escape Pod. From the episode introduction, I expected that by the end the main character would have learned that the aliens communicated by dance, and that she was the only way to save the republic. Nope, just run and gun shoot-em-up.

I also enjoyed the idea of humans learning to control their biorhythms more extensively. I was also glad that the author didn't go into the methods too much, as it seems like that might be a rabbit hole of explanation to a 21st century listener. Quick and concise, moving from one plot point to another. I enjoyed the way the little deaths lead to the death of her old self.

That being said, I felt like the author knew more about the aliens than she was saying. The "ecology" was pretty well developed and was interesting, but I was hoping to get more from it. I love when alien exploration stories do the "big reveal," and I feel like that was lacking. For such an interesting set, I expected a bit more from the aliens than "icky better squish them"



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Reply #18 on: January 09, 2013, 06:17:47 PM
Well I can see why this story won the Writers of the Future contest. I really enjoyed it. I do agree with some of the nitpicking already covered, but overall I found it engaging and interesting. The idea of her "dying" every fifteen minutes--or whatever the time interval was--was quite an interesting concept and made for some great lines like:
Quote from: Corry L Lee
My HUD blared its warning, and I killed myself again.
And
Quote from: Corry L Lee
I wanted my life back. “Then teach me how to die, sir.”

It seems like I should feel ripped off at the end when she abandons her lifelong dream of being a dancer. I mean, it's what we were promised in the beginning, so having her just say, "Aw, f@%k it." seems like it should be a disappointment. And yet it wasn't. I was right there cheering her on, "Yeah, Amaechi! F@%k dancing and f@% them!"

The interspersed flashbacks when she was "dead" worked well for introducing her situation and companions, though this style of storytelling is beginning to get a bit trite. Still, it's the best way to start in the action and still build the character.

I did have a hard time with her getting shot repeatedly yet barely being affected by it. When the enemy's guns don't harm her the tension deflates as we are no longer fearing for her life.

In the end it kind of felt like a Michael Crichten novel to me: Lots of fascinating and well written build-up; quick, easy escape at the end. That said, I love Crichten and I really liked this story.

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Reply #19 on: January 09, 2013, 07:50:12 PM
Wow, this one was pretty great! I had to restart it once or twice to make sure that I was oriented properly in the story, but I think that's just because the action was fairly quick paced for audio. I also totally failed to follow the fine detail of her battle with the aliens, my brain just couldn't visualize it. Still, it carried me along pretty well and I picked it back up as she was running back to her ship. I'm glad that she found a new place in the world, with people who would see her for all of herself, and not just a couple missing fingers.


As she was running, her escape started to seem a bit too easy, making me grow very suspicious that this might just be a simulation/training exercise. Sort of the opposite of an Ender's Game scenario. When she woke up back at the base my suspicions were confirmed, and I was groaning that she had lived through that whole ordeal in the span of one 12 second (that was the length I think??) "practice death." Then we jumped back into the action and I realized that actually I was wrong and that was just an ill-timed flashback. I'm starting to get really sick of flashbacks.



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Reply #20 on: January 11, 2013, 09:15:49 AM
at uni they told me that women couldn't relate to sci-fi because sci-fi was always about white dude soldiers in outer space. well now that it is about non specific ethnicity female ballerina soldiers in outer space... i hope those formerly disenfranchised ladies are happy. I couldn't get interested in the story enough to pay attention and hear the entire story no matter how hard or how many times i tried. It sounded well researched, what little i was present for, although other commenters seem to fell differently. Grabbing my attention and holding it is the only yardstick i judge stories by so i have to give this story a fail. ALSO 'HUD' means heads up display and i knew that but i had to stop and think what it was and in an audio story stopping and thinking is a terrible distraction.



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Reply #21 on: January 11, 2013, 12:57:54 PM
at uni they told me that women couldn't relate to sci-fi because sci-fi was always about white dude soldiers in outer space.
Back in the day, everything was about white dudes, unless you read Bunty and then it was about dancing white dudettes. Aliens 2 was the first film I remember seeing where women did a bit more than squeak, 'Oh Malcolm, which way shall we go?!'

Science is what you do when the funding panel thinks you know what you're doing. Fiction is the same only without the funding.


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Reply #22 on: January 11, 2013, 02:16:21 PM
at uni they told me that women couldn't relate to sci-fi because sci-fi was always about white dude soldiers in outer space.
Back in the day, everything was about white dudes, unless you read Bunty and then it was about dancing white dudettes. Aliens 2 was the first film I remember seeing where women did a bit more than squeak, 'Oh Malcolm, which way shall we go?!'

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Devoted135

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Reply #23 on: January 11, 2013, 02:32:47 PM
at uni they told me that women couldn't relate to sci-fi because sci-fi was always about white dude soldiers in outer space. well now that it is about non specific ethnicity female ballerina soldiers in outer space... i hope those formerly disenfranchised ladies are happy. I couldn't get interested in the story enough to pay attention and hear the entire story no matter how hard or how many times i tried. It sounded well researched, what little i was present for, although other commenters seem to fell differently. Grabbing my attention and holding it is the only yardstick i judge stories by so i have to give this story a fail. ALSO 'HUD' means heads up display and i knew that but i had to stop and think what it was and in an audio story stopping and thinking is a terrible distraction.

So first you implicitly criticize women for not being able to relate to white dudes (incorrect, by the way), and then you turn around and say you give this story a fail simply because you couldn't relate to the female of unspecified ethnicity?? Uncool, dude.



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Reply #24 on: January 11, 2013, 03:25:44 PM
To be fair, he said he wasn't interested in the story, not that he wasn't interested specifically because of the female character.

I know the genre is still unfairly balanced in favor of men, but that may be true yet of all writing, so for it to be a complaint of sci-fi in particular is unfair. But I always get a laugh because -- I can't remember the title, it may have been EP159 Elites, but I'd have to listen again, but -- one of the first EP stories I heard was about a unit of especially brutal female space Marines that to this day makes me think "It's not for their protection, it's for yours" whenever the females-in-combat debate flares up. In fact, I would say the number of stories on EP with a demur or victimized female (excluding the ones where the story is about their triumph over their victimization, because those are positive and equally common in male-centered fiction) character could probably be could probably be counted on one hand. While I get the impression that the EP crew is more culturally sensitive and liberally skewed, I also get the impression that the stories chosen are a pretty good representation of what's out there and there's reason to be hopeful about that.



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Reply #25 on: January 11, 2013, 05:04:37 PM
at uni they told me that women couldn't relate to sci-fi because sci-fi was always about white dude soldiers in outer space.
Back in the day, everything was about white dudes, unless you read Bunty and then it was about dancing white dudettes. Aliens 2 was the first film I remember seeing where women did a bit more than squeak, 'Oh Malcolm, which way shall we go?!'

Hey Vasquez, you ever been mistaken for a man?
No, have you?
Yay - those are the lines!

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matweller

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Reply #26 on: January 11, 2013, 05:30:13 PM
ADDENDUM TO MY PREVIOUS COMMENT:

I just wen't back and listened to Elites...not the story I was thinking about, but man, one of the greatest stories EP has ever run, in my opinion.



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Reply #27 on: January 11, 2013, 06:29:33 PM
To be fair, he said he wasn't interested in the story, not that he wasn't interested specifically because of the female character.

That's true, but in context it's difficult not to read it that way.

Quote
I know the genre is still unfairly balanced in favor of men, but that may be true yet of all writing, so for it to be a complaint of sci-fi in particular is unfair. But I always get a laugh because -- I can't remember the title, it may have been EP159 Elites, but I'd have to listen again, but -- one of the first EP stories I heard was about a unit of especially brutal female space Marines that to this day makes me think "It's not for their protection, it's for yours" whenever the females-in-combat debate flares up. In fact, I would say the number of stories on EP with a demur or victimized female (excluding the ones where the story is about their triumph over their victimization, because those are positive and equally common in male-centered fiction) character could probably be could probably be counted on one hand. While I get the impression that the EP crew is more culturally sensitive and liberally skewed, I also get the impression that the stories chosen are a pretty good representation of what's out there and there's reason to be hopeful about that.

I remember that story! I also have no idea what episode it was, since my guess (Cinderella Suicide) proved to be incorrect. Also, Elites is a fantastic story. I would second your point that across the board EP does a great job of balancing the stories they run. No complaints here. :)



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Reply #28 on: January 12, 2013, 07:03:26 AM
I don't normally comment, but here goes.

This one troubled me. I wanted to like it. There were bits of it I really did like. It felt like a glimpse into a complete world. I was interested in the background, the technologies being used, the bigger wider world outside the window, which the writer had obviously thought hard about.

I liked the setup. A seven-fingered ballet-dancer soldier trained to kill herself at will? Fabulous idea.

I didn't mind, as others seemed to, the time jumping.

What disappointed me was the payoff. All that good world building and character building we'd got at the beginning, and in the end what do we get? A realisation that being a soldier is better than being a dancer because people want you to come back. Those would be the same people who'd sent you out on what pretty much amounted to a suicide mission, so, yeah, not the most obvious conclusion to draw. Perhaps there was supposed to be an element of unreliable narration to it, but it sure seemed as if we were expected to cheer her on as she realised that dancing is selfish and only the army loves you. It felt hollow and fake, the "dancer" thing tacked on like those Christian-bookstore pulp novels about a guy who takes drugs purely so he's able to give them up when he finds Jesus, which clearly written by a guy who's never smoked a cheeky J in his life. She wasn't a dancer because it was important to the story; she was a dancer so she could stop being a dancer. She might as well have been a fishmonger.

Given how strongly the world and the character started, how engaged I was with the first two thirds of the story, it was very disappointing to have it end on such a shallow damp squib.



CryptoMe

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Reply #29 on: January 19, 2013, 05:59:07 AM
I had a problem with the story for some of the reasons already mentioned (and I will now usurp Unblinking's numbered lists role ;)... )
1. The action in audio just didn't work for me, and I missed a lot of details (thanks to the forumites for filling me in).
2. The jumping back and forth tripped me up at the end exactly the way Devoted135 described (I too thought for a moment that the entire thing had just been a training exercise involving only one death).
3. The abandonment of her lifelong goals on a whim for more suicide missions just did not ring true for me either (so with you on that McDuff).

So all round, it wasn't a win for me.

I did like the the set up and 12-minute deaths concept, though.



Gamercow

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Reply #30 on: January 21, 2013, 02:40:15 AM
Those would be the same people who'd sent you out on what pretty much amounted to a suicide mission, so, yeah, not the most obvious conclusion to draw. Perhaps there was supposed to be an element of unreliable narration to it, but it sure seemed as if we were expected to cheer her on as she realised that dancing is selfish and only the army loves you. It felt hollow and fake, the "dancer" thing tacked on like those Christian-bookstore pulp novels about a guy who takes drugs purely so he's able to give them up when he finds Jesus, which clearly written by a guy who's never smoked a cheeky J in his life. She wasn't a dancer because it was important to the story; she was a dancer so she could stop being a dancer. She might as well have been a fishmonger.

Well, her being a dancer was very important to the story if you ask me.  Her being a dancer gave her much better control over her body and mind, and allowed her to get the intel that was so desperately desired.  There was also the matter of her being unaltered with implants.

I really enjoyed this story.  It was well written, had a good main character, and was different enough to keep my interest. 

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jwbjerk

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Reply #31 on: January 21, 2013, 04:27:59 PM
General thoughts, at the start I liked the mystery of an unknown, advanced, inscrutable alien power.  Unfortunately like the movie Prometheus, these advanced aliens seem only capable of brawling-- unlike Prometheus engineers, they don't do it very well.

These aliens had conquered 5 human planets, so it doesn't make a lot of sense for them to be unprepared to deal with humans.  Some sort of hint, guess or explanation why she found it so easy to storm their base, why they used weapons that couldn't penetrate a skinsuit (surely that wasn't the best human armor?), and generally why their huge advantage of knowledge, preparation and numbers were so relatively ineffective.

Her being able to grab the alien weapon was improbable, but them then allowing her to take the slug thrower just after that  when they should be extra alert just struck me as ridiculous.
That bothered me a little bit at first too, but then I remembered that they don't have articulated joints, but rather tentacles. Now, if you think about it, tentacles aren't very well suited for holding on to things that other entities would really rather you didn't hold on to. No tendons to pull bones tight, no interlocking fingers. Just a coil of tentacle sort of holding it in place. A good tug in the direction that is perpendicular to the direction that the tentacle is coiled will release whatever was grasped there.
That explanation occurred to me too, especially as she grabs the box-gun after contemplating her 2.5 fingers (more than the aliens had).

But if we're going to be physically realistic like that, the tentacle is also a super-lousy method of locomotion under earth-like gravity without water for support. Yet they somehow nearly kept up with her in the chase (i think-- that scene confused me).
If that interests you, see here for the suitability of tentacles for walking.
I'm not saying every sci-fi story needs to be that bio-mechanically realistic, just if you go there (which i think the story does), you should be more consistent about it.



Fenrix

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Reply #32 on: January 21, 2013, 09:37:12 PM

These aliens had conquered 5 human planets, so it doesn't make a lot of sense for them to be unprepared to deal with humans.  Some sort of hint, guess or explanation why she found it so easy to storm their base, why they used weapons that couldn't penetrate a skinsuit (surely that wasn't the best human armor?), and generally why their huge advantage of knowledge, preparation and numbers were so relatively ineffective.


I would guess that their defenses have them set up such that nothing should be able to make it in. You don't have to fortify a place and heavily arm the occupants if the defenses are effective. Hubris or efficiency?

All cat stories start with this statement: “My mother, who was the first cat, told me this...”


childoftyranny

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Reply #33 on: April 11, 2013, 11:16:37 PM
What surprises me most is that more people didn't have difficulty with the ending of this, her dropping her lifelong dream seemed troubling to me, and in some ways the pro private military aspect in her coming to appreciate the sort of camaraderie that apparently this one mission developed. As I've been catching up to these I just realized that instead of three more militant-scifi stories there were three with Oubliette, which is sort unusual for EscapePod in my experience. Especially with multiple stories built on the aliens in the way/taking away our stuff idea, curious!

I found the world-building here pretty interesting, and I'm still really curious as to what the aliens are doing, it sounds like they are terraforming a world in ways that aren't biological so why bother taking someone else's colony?

I did find the ending somewhat too easy, after the work of getting in, that she could just grab the weapon, I understand the idea of a tentacle not being a great gripping too, but since these were metallic bugs, I'd think that ribbed tentacles, so they could be extended and such could grip something at least stronger than even most trained military members could easily extricate something from.

Overall I enjoyed this story, and right as I was driving home I got to pondering that perhaps her change of attitude could be from the brain damage that pretty much has to occur from death and resurrection every 12 minutes...or what it for 12 minutes, the length of the scan escapes me right now.



luka datas

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Reply #34 on: May 05, 2013, 02:21:29 AM

So first you implicitly criticize women for not being able to relate to white dudes (incorrect, by the way), and then you turn around and say you give this story a fail simply because you couldn't relate to the female of unspecified ethnicity?? Uncool, dude.



cool is my middle name.
Firstly, I always criticise women because they appreciate the input and secondly, If can't relate to a female of unspecified ethnicity it is only because she prefers it that way.

I like action stories that take place in space where the characters aren't veiled representations of americas obsession with racial inequality or so forth. I read and listen to sci fi as an escape from all that bungdung.
 




















Scattercat

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Reply #35 on: May 05, 2013, 05:51:38 AM
I know a lot of people who would like to have the ability to just ignore inequality.  However, because they are the targets of it, this is not possible.  Your freedom to dismiss their experiences as "bungdung" is, in itself, a form of the privilege you don't want to talk about.

If the mere existence of an explicitly nonwhite and nonmale character is sufficient to politicize a story in your mind, then I feel you should stop and think very hard about why that bothers you.



Bdoomed

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Reply #36 on: May 05, 2013, 07:44:29 AM
^What he said.  Literature is THE place to put all of that, not the place to shun and shy away from it.

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


luka datas

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Reply #37 on: May 06, 2013, 01:19:04 AM
Great a debate.

Only thing I can say is that when I speak for myself that is who I am speaking for.

When I read that is who I am reading for.

I don't read to participate in political discussions because if I wanted to do that I would just participate in political discussions.

I don't like stories where characters are treated unfairly when their transgressions are so minor that they really don't deserve the treatment.

I don't care if the characters are white black female gay or an anthropomorphised animal as long as they are living in the future where this is no longer a primary consideration.

I like adventure stories where the heroes are involved in something that I can't read in the newsaper every day and have my stomach turned by.

AND if you attend any university you will have a hard time finding sci-fi classified as literature.

I like sci-fi and I don't have a problem with that... since a lot of so-called literature is what I would call 'well written but boring.'

your turn.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2013, 01:33:41 AM by luka datas »



Scattercat

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Reply #38 on: May 06, 2013, 03:57:30 AM
No one is criticizing your story preferences.  You can like whatever you like.  But when you criticize a story for being too political when all it did was make the main character female and non-Caucasian in an otherwise bog-standard action plotline (with an admittedly unusual twist to the type of action involved), then you're saying a lot more than just what kind of story you like.  Your original comment presented your point of view in opposition to the (dismissively mentioned) complaints of women that it was hard to relate to SF when it was wall-to-wall white males, suggesting that any use of non-white non-male POV was inherently a loss to white males and a gain to The Other.  You followed this up by referencing racial inequality as "bungdung" that others are "obsessed" with, which in turn implies that racial inequality is not a serious consideration and does not merit a place in the themes of serious literature.  Both of these are deeply problematic assertions, wholly steeped in (likely unrecognized) privilege; that is, as I said, your ability to ignore such facets of life is inherent in your position as a white male who doesn't have to worry about race or gender in your every professional or public interaction.  But just because it's not relevant to you doesn't make it a theme unworthy of exploration (even in the flimsy manner here in this story), and part of the benefit of literature as a medium is that it enables one to empathize and understand those who are not precisely like oneself.

Further, I would argue that, whether one enjoys thought-provoking literature or not, suggesting that science fiction, as a genre, ignore it entirely by virtue of saying that none of the serious problems of today will be a problem In The Future is at best a misguided piece of advice.  Again, you can feel free to dislike weighty literature for your personal pleasure-reading, but so long as science fiction remains solely about escapism and male power fantasies, it will struggle to maintain any sort of standing as a respectable genre. 

I would go on to suggest that learning to engage with deeper themes through the medium of fiction is a useful skill, and in many ways is the primary point of the very act of storytelling, but one cannot criticize others merely for personal preferences. 

I will say that this story is hardly obsessed with race nor even very much about race at all; the main characters are multi-ethnic and include a solid mix of male and female, and neither race nor gender is particularly relevant to the story's resolution.  (The main character is a dancer, and that skill is what gives her the edge, but dancing is hardly a female-only profession; she could as well have been a he and the story largely unchanged.)  Complaining about ethnic/gender concerns in this context makes your tone sound trigger-happy; you appear, by complaining about such a mild intrusion into White/Male Space, to be actively looking for cause to take offense or dismiss.  Again, the mere existence of protagonists who aren't white, male, and straight is not "politics."  As someone said on the occasion of Julia Pierson as the "first female head of the Secret Service": the battle will be closer to over when we can stop remarking on the event occurring.  Once it's no longer "weird" for women to head the secret service - or for non-Caucasian women to be space marines in SF stories - that is when we will be close to equality.



luka datas

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Reply #39 on: May 06, 2013, 05:41:42 AM
Rebuttal

I surrender to you winning argument

only. Is it really important that everyone feel the same way about everything. I know some pretty free thinking and closed minded pro and anti racist/ anti-gay, pro gay marriage/ religious and anti religion type people (not all of which are white or male) and I don't have any expectation that I could convince them to feel the same way about everything that I do. (Which is uninterested, completely)

So I don't bother.

They have their views and sometimes those views are actually quite amusing...  possibly more so since they are never actually in conflict with my own and they don't actively persecute or help anyone. Just mouth off about whatever is going.

A minority in a western country probably shouldn't be confused with the majority in a third world country, however.

These groups are generally the cream of the crop otherwise they probably wouldn't have made it here. It's not that easy for me to feel sorry for them as it is for certain people but thats probably because I see them for what they are. It is just as easy for a native of an area to fail in their chosen field as it is for a non native.

Not that people aren't products of their environments as well.. but if you really want to feel sorry for a minority then caucasian people need to be added to your list since both asian and african people outnumber caucasions by a vast margin internationally.

I think also that you are reading more into my comments than are actually in them concerrning the femaleness of the protagonist in the story that we are discussing. I'm not sure how to argue your points since to do so would suggest that I disagree with you and that I had in  some way been arguing counter to them in the first place.

I didn't like the story and you did. It isn't the end of the world.
« Last Edit: May 09, 2013, 04:00:45 AM by luka datas »



hardware

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Reply #40 on: June 03, 2013, 04:37:38 PM
This was pretty good, as a pure action set-piece it worked pretty well, in a Crank meets Predators with a little bit of Temple Run kind of way. I can agree that escape came a bit easy and those aliens didn't seem like the greatest of warriors at the end of the day, but that is just par for the course for this kind of story. I swallowed the adrenalin pill, now I won't try to analyze it.