I think I have a problem with the narration? Because it's like everything ends in a question? And I'm not sure if we're supposed to believe what she's saying? Or if SHE believes what she's saying? About anything? You Know?
Actually, to be fair, I think it was a fairly good reconstruction of the sound of tentative adolescence, but that doesn't keep it from annoying the living #&@()* out of me. It's that particular verbal tick that annoys me, not the narration. The world would be much better off if young people had a bit more confidence in what they were saying; not the confidence of a sociopath, mind you, but enough so that saying your name doesn't sound like in ends in a question mark.
As for the story, and what happens in it, is it fantasy, blah-blah-blah. No, it's not Tolkien or Conan. That's ok.