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Author Topic: EP115: Conversations With and About My Electric Toothbrush  (Read 39820 times)

Jim

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EP115: Conversations With and About My Electric Toothbrush

By Derek Zumsteg.
Read by Jared Axelrod (of The Department of Public Words).

“I read an interesting forum post last night,” my electric toothbrush told me over its low burr.

“Thiff ouff thew be thood,” I said through my mouth of foam.

“It was!” he replied. “Using readily available components, Monkeymonkey turned his Intellibrush into a milk frother.”

I spit into the sink and set my toothbrush in its white ceramic charger. “What would I do with a milk frother?”

“Make cappucinos,” my toothbrush said, with a hint of resignation, as I rinsed and spit again.

“I don’t drink cappucinos,” I said.

“You could start!”


Rated G. Contains a very mild reference to vibrating appliances.


Referenced Sites:
U.S.S. Mariner
Senses Five Press



Listen to this week’s Escape Pod!
« Last Edit: July 19, 2007, 01:37:47 PM by Russell Nash »

My imaginary omnipotent friend is more real that your imaginary omnipotent friend.


Jim

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Reply #1 on: July 19, 2007, 12:26:17 PM
Cute story, reminds me of the talking toaster from Red Dwarf. Actually it reminds me a LOT of the talking toaster from Red Dwarf. In fact, all I could think while listening to it was, this is the talking toaster from Red Dwarf, only it's a toothbrush instead of a toaster. Then when it came to the part where it escaped to find its destiny, I thought, this is just like the "smart shoes" that Lister tells Rimmer about his friend Olaf Petersen buying. Red Dwarf again.

But I still liked the story, because I enjoyed the talking toaster gag on Red Dwarf.

My imaginary omnipotent friend is more real that your imaginary omnipotent friend.


lhoward

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Reply #2 on: July 19, 2007, 01:03:42 PM
That was a very fun and enjoyable story. I know a story is truly funny if it can make me laugh … out loud … in public ... and this one did.

I’ve spent some time in the past wondering about what it will be like when mundane appliances have ludicrous amounts of processing power, or AI. They usually end up something like this story, but never as entertaining.



VBurn

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Reply #3 on: July 19, 2007, 01:06:25 PM
I really enjoyed this story, but I still am not going to trust those electronic tooth burshes.  However, I could use an intelligent milk frother because I am terrible at using the stupid manual one I have.  I was reminded of the camera in Terry Pratchett's The Colour of Magic.  I love the ideal of smart device with an independent streak.  That would also explain How Lonesome a Life without Nerve Gas http://escapepod.org/2007/01/25/ep090-how-lonesome-a-life/ being one of my all time favorite EP episodes. 



Leon Kensington

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Reply #4 on: July 19, 2007, 06:47:14 PM
I want that toothbrush!



lhoward

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Reply #5 on: July 19, 2007, 11:05:00 PM
Steve was right, Escape Pod can't froth milk:




SFEley

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Reply #6 on: July 20, 2007, 12:51:38 AM
Steve was right, Escape Pod can't froth milk:

You, sir, just made my day.  Thank you.

ESCAPE POD - The Science Fiction Podcast Magazine


Bdoomed

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Reply #7 on: July 20, 2007, 02:55:28 AM
Steve was right, Escape Pod can't froth milk:

You, sir, just made my day.  Thank you.
mine too! :P

Question, Steve were you recording in a bathroom or something? im so used to awesome sound quality, this one kinda threw me off.  im not sayin its terrible or anythin, but its diff, and not in the cool way. tinny i would say...

anyways, this story was highly entertaining.  If the toothbrush was that smart, id hate to see what the floss could do! *pictures top news story: "Man hangs himself with floss" but we know what really happened!* ...dont sleep tonight

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


SFEley

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Reply #8 on: July 20, 2007, 03:55:36 AM
Question, Steve were you recording in a bathroom or something? im so used to awesome sound quality, this one kinda threw me off.  im not sayin its terrible or anythin, but its diff, and not in the cool way. tinny i would say...

I didn't record this story.  Jared did.  There was a bit of clipping at loud points in the dialogue -- but overall the reading was good enough I didn't ask for a retake.

ESCAPE POD - The Science Fiction Podcast Magazine


Lambda

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Reply #9 on: July 20, 2007, 05:15:27 AM
I liked this story. It makes a good parallel to last week's anti-tech story.



eytanz

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Reply #10 on: July 20, 2007, 10:09:54 AM
A delightful story - I really enjoyed it. Not much else to say.

Oh, and lhoward - great picture :)



VBurn

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Reply #11 on: July 20, 2007, 12:27:24 PM
I think the i-Phone has a frother function somewhere.



Zathras

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Reply #12 on: July 20, 2007, 01:43:07 PM
 I also enjoyed the story, a fun listen on my ride in to work.  I don't know if I would've so readily welcomed back the toothbrush/frother, though.  All that whining would have got on my nerves.  Well, I guess a guy could have sold it on EBay. 

Also loved lhoward's picture, but wonder how he keeps from losing the little black deals on the IPod earphones. 



Mr. Tweedy

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Reply #13 on: July 20, 2007, 03:20:31 PM
The highest of possible praise: My wife liked it.  (She's picky.)

Hear my very very short story on The Drabblecast!


DKT

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Reply #14 on: July 20, 2007, 04:20:41 PM
This story was absolutely fantastic.  It just got better and better and the bit about vibrating made me laugh out loud listening to this harder than any other story on Escape Pod has.  Brilliant story, touching and hilarious, and Jared Axelrod's narration is evidence of why he's becoming one of my favorite readers on EP (and Pseudopod).  I hope we hear lots more from both the writer and the reader.


lhoward

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Reply #15 on: July 20, 2007, 05:36:03 PM
Steve was right, Escape Pod can't froth milk:

You, sir, just made my day.  Thank you.

I am glad you like it.  I've received so much entertainment of out of Escape Pod, it is about time I sent some the other way.

.... now does anyone know how to get half-and-half out of an iPod?  ;)



Etherius

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Reply #16 on: July 20, 2007, 07:52:56 PM
Very, very silly, but I enjoyed it a lot. If appliances ever get that smart, I think I may have to walk around with a Taser for peace of mind. Arthur Weasley's advice seems appropriate here:

Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain.

...though if the toothbrush really wanted to help him pick up girls, I would have thought that an attachment other than the milk frother would be in order. That definitely wouldn't have been a G-rated story, though.  :D

"Be the difference you want to see in the world." -- Mahatma Gandhi


Roney

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Reply #17 on: July 20, 2007, 09:12:08 PM
I think that if I'd read this story on the page I'd have been quite "meh" about it, but Jared's reading really sold it to me.  It sounded like a cross between the Red Dwarf Talkie Toaster (as Jim mentioned) and Ed Norton's narration in Fight Club.  Is there any story that such a hybrid couldn't make funny?



ClintMemo

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Reply #18 on: July 20, 2007, 11:43:11 PM
Hilarious! 
Jarod's reading was great.

My LOL moment:
"You don't own me!"
"I DO own you!"


...yes, officer, I know I ran a red light, but this EP story is really funny.

Life is a multiple choice test. Unfortunately, the answers are not provided.  You have to go and find them before picking the best one.


Bdoomed

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Reply #19 on: July 21, 2007, 04:15:36 AM
Question, Steve were you recording in a bathroom or something? im so used to awesome sound quality, this one kinda threw me off.  im not sayin its terrible or anythin, but its diff, and not in the cool way. tinny i would say...

I didn't record this story.  Jared did.  There was a bit of clipping at loud points in the dialogue -- but overall the reading was good enough I didn't ask for a retake.

:P i meant the intro and outro that im sure you DID record (else it was a GREAT impersonator!)
hmm, having listened to the episode again on my Zune this time (not my computer), and it seems that it was my speakers wacking out on me.  The episode as a whole was incredibly 'tinny', but not on my Zune... so my bad Steve, or... should i say, my speakers' bad!

Hilarious! 
Jarod's reading was great.

My LOL moment:
"You don't own me!"
"I DO own you!"
:D seconded!

i also loved
"there's all kinds of things i could do in this arena!"
"like what?"
"im a HANDHELD APPLIANCE THAT VIBRATES! Do i have to draw you a picture?"
 ;D

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


Leon Kensington

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Reply #20 on: July 21, 2007, 06:04:36 AM
This had to be the funniest episode post 100, if not ever.



Reggie

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Reply #21 on: July 21, 2007, 10:13:06 PM
I think that the author should patent the idea of an inteli-brush, for when Apple tries to release the iBrush.

He'll make millions....

 ;D

(love the story)



oddpod

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Reply #22 on: July 21, 2007, 11:21:02 PM
i love this one,
it also gives me a mild case of the he-be-ge-bes.  i saw an add last month for a microprocessor controlled toothbrush and i am left wondering if such thing serve any purpose other than to get people to buy them.

or maby i am just a bit of a ludite :)

card carying dislexic and  gramatical revolushonery


Alasdair5000

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Reply #23 on: July 22, 2007, 01:19:51 PM
   I really liked this especially the jovial, slightly too happy tone of the toothbrush:)  Favourite line:

'I don't drink capuccinos.'
'You could START!'




DanK

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Reply #24 on: July 23, 2007, 03:33:18 AM
I laughed a lot hearing this.  The story itself was funny, but the reading made it positively hilarious.

Also, the Escape Pod Milk Frother picture is now a permanent resident of my hard drive.