Author Topic: EP116: Ej-Es  (Read 50492 times)

Russell Nash

  • Guest
Reply #50 on: August 08, 2007, 11:39:29 AM
Well, after reading this thread I had to go back and relisten to parts of the story.  I ended up with a much clearer understanding of the story.  I think the two reactions were extreme.  One side is go native and personally do it a piece at a time.  The other side is, "eww, icky, let's run away."

One of the points I had to clarify was what the head researcher wanted to do.  He pulled his right to declare an emergency, but didn't stop at evacuating to the ship.  His plan was to leave orbit and run away.  The counsel said that things were OK and there was no over-riding reason to stay.

The quote that came to me is, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."  You don't want to jump into anything drastic changes until you can be reasonably sure what will happen.

 If I was in charge they would have pulled back to a quarantine area, the ship if neccessary.  Then I would have let the researchers loose for as long as they were making some progress.  The group had time.  If they were needed somewhere else, it would take them decades to get there, even if it only seemed like months to them. 

The thing is my plan is boring and offers no conflict.  It's a non-fiction plan.  Fiction needs to serve the story.

As fiction I really liked it.  Can we have more SAG performers?  The performance was great. 



Mr. Tweedy

  • Lochage
  • *****
  • Posts: 497
  • I am a sloth.
    • Free Mode
Reply #51 on: August 08, 2007, 01:31:27 PM
If I was in charge they would have pulled back to a quarantine area, the ship if neccessary.  Then I would have let the researchers loose for as long as they were making some progress.  The group had time.  If they were needed somewhere else, it would take them decades to get there, even if it only seemed like months to them. 

The thing is my plan is boring and offers no conflict.  It's a non-fiction plan.  Fiction needs to serve the story.

I don't think you quite understand that nature of the conflict.  It wasn't that the ship's majority decided that helping the planet's people would be too difficult or take too long.  They decided that the people on the ground didn't need to be helped.  By the time the decision to leave or stay came around, the research has established that curing the people was possible and actually very quick and simple.  But they decided not to do it.

The question which causes the crew's schism is not "can we help?" but "do these people need help?"

The solution of you suggest of sticking around in orbit is not really a middle-of-the-road compromise.  It's really siding with Mia, saying "these people need help."  Your method would be a slower, more methodical application of her ideals.

Hear my very very short story on The Drabblecast!


ClintMemo

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 680
Reply #52 on: August 08, 2007, 02:23:04 PM
The question which causes the crew's schism is not "can we help?" but "do these people need help?"

I perceived it more like
"Does the risk of getting ourselves infected outweigh the benefit of helping them?"

Life is a multiple choice test. Unfortunately, the answers are not provided.  You have to go and find them before picking the best one.


Mr. Tweedy

  • Lochage
  • *****
  • Posts: 497
  • I am a sloth.
    • Free Mode
Reply #53 on: August 08, 2007, 02:57:36 PM
No.

Listen to the audio between 36:00 and 38:00.  The primary conflict is always whether or not the disease needs curing.  Mia argues that the people need to be cured.  Lolamel argues that they don't.

39:30– "The phantoms are a biologically based cultural difference."  The decision to leave had been made after the cure was developed and before any of the Corps were infected.

Fear of Corps staff being infected is tertiary and is not the primary motivation for anyone.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2007, 03:09:43 PM by Mr. Tweedy »

Hear my very very short story on The Drabblecast!


DigitalVG

  • Palmer
  • **
  • Posts: 38
Reply #54 on: August 08, 2007, 06:39:25 PM
Most important, this story challenged the very idea of 'good' and 'evil'.   Should religion be 'sacred' even to the injury of it's practitioners?  Faith-healers can go to jail for neglect yet our media condemned Saddam Hussien for banning a religious practice that involved men gashing their heads and beating themselves.

Second, the ban was, IIRC, against self-flagilation in the celebration of Ede(sp?).  Hussein wasn't religious and only used his religion as a political tool (hence why Osama Bin Laden hated him). He didn't see why his country should have to pay for injuries (medical costs, loss of productivity, etc) for an unneccesary part of this religious observance.

Thanks!  That was the parallel I was attempting to draw but I could not remember the name of the event.  I just remember seeing video of it with a pro-war talking head jabbering on about how we'd returned that freedom to them and it how horrible it was that it was banned under Hussein and I was struck at the time by the disparity between the spin on it and what we'd say if a similar practice were done in the US as well as the obvious health risks.  Even if you neglect the possibility of HIV there's always hepatitis, and nasty stuff like staff infections.



Russell Nash

  • Guest
Reply #55 on: August 09, 2007, 06:54:27 AM
No.

Listen to the audio between 36:00 and 38:00.  The primary conflict is always whether or not the disease needs curing.  Mia argues that the people need to be cured.  Lolamel argues that they don't.

39:30– "The phantoms are a biologically based cultural difference."  The decision to leave had been made after the cure was developed and before any of the Corps were infected.

Fear of Corps staff being infected is tertiary and is not the primary motivation for anyone.


If you continue listening or actually listened more carefully, you would hear that he said this is how the counsel is going to vote.  They hadn't voted yet.  He was letting her know how the vote was going to go.  There was still the chance for debate.  The cheif science (medical?) officer called for the evacuation before the vote was going to take place. 



Mr. Tweedy

  • Lochage
  • *****
  • Posts: 497
  • I am a sloth.
    • Free Mode
Reply #56 on: August 09, 2007, 01:33:06 PM
I had omitted those details for simplicity.

My point is that the conflict is moral, not pragmatic.  No one argues that helping the people would be too hard or impractical.  What they argue over is whether or not help is necessary.

Hear my very very short story on The Drabblecast!


Russell Nash

  • Guest
Reply #57 on: August 09, 2007, 04:28:17 PM
I had omitted those details for simplicity.

My point is that the conflict is moral, not pragmatic.  No one argues that helping the people would be too hard or impractical.  What they argue over is whether or not help is necessary.

My point was that the cheif medical guy said, "We're leaving totally, no discussion, no nothing."  Since they hadn't voted or even argued about it yet, I thought it was too extreme and not thought out.



jdw

  • Extern
  • *
  • Posts: 10
Reply #58 on: August 10, 2007, 02:11:27 PM
Couple comments:

I'm puzzled by the comments that fault the story for an apparent lack of ethical complexities. Ethics were only a portion of the story structure, and I have no reason to suspect the authorial has some hidden preachy agenda. If you'll pardon the tautology, sometimes a story is just a story.

I had a different problem with the story. I actually had to go back and re-listen because I thought I'd misheard the ending. But I'd heard it right -- after the narrative had soundly locked itself in a 3rd person limited perspective focused on Mia, going so far as to provide psychic access to her inner dialog, I found it incredibly difficult, perhaps even impossible, to accept a sudden perspective shift to Esefeb. It was a trick, a way for the story-teller -- whose presence I'd been blissfully unaware of up until now (or perhaps had simply, pleasantly conflated with the character of Mia) -- to deliver the ending's twist. Unlike the rest of the story, this shift felt abrupt and perhaps unnecessary. At the very least I wonder if a similar message could've been delivered without violating the story's structure, which had been working so well up to that point.

And I loved the reading. Audio boo-boos are easy to hear past when the reading is this good.



trreed

  • Extern
  • *
  • Posts: 2
Reply #59 on: August 10, 2007, 08:53:44 PM
"reality, what a concept" Robin Williams

stepping aside the moral/ethical issues served up
this story points to that reality is what we percieve, individualy and collectively
Just because we see it in our heads, does that mean it isn't real? And losing those visions, does it not deserve morning?
Just because we do not hear what the schitzophrenic hears in their head, does that make them any less real for them? and something not to morn or fret over when they go away?

The final harry potter book touches on this concept. This concept has always made for wonderful scifi/fantacy stories.



dj_mojo

  • Extern
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • "Killroy 2.0 is EVERYWHERE"
Reply #60 on: August 10, 2007, 10:19:31 PM
This story simply made me sad at the end, but I don't really know why - was it for Ej's loss of her fantasy or her gain of knowledge?

I know that sad stories can sometimes be a good thing, maybe it just caught me at the wrong time...

The voice talent did an excelent job!



ajames

  • Lochage
  • *****
  • Posts: 358
Reply #61 on: August 10, 2007, 11:33:43 PM

I'm puzzled by the comments that fault the story for an apparent lack of ethical complexities. Ethics were only a portion of the story structure, and I have no reason to suspect the authorial has some hidden preachy agenda. If you'll pardon the tautology, sometimes a story is just a story.

Initially, I had the reaction that N. Kress did have a preachy agenda, one to which I strongly objected.  However, it is not so clear to me now whether or not she had any agenda, but I will say that it is the inclusion of this ethical dilemna, along with several other elements, which make this more than "just a story" to me.

stepping aside the moral/ethical issues served up
this story points to that reality is what we percieve, individualy and collectively
Just because we see it in our heads, does that mean it isn't real? And losing those visions, does it not deserve morning?
Just because we do not hear what the schitzophrenic hears in their head, does that make them any less real for them? and something not to morn or fret over when they go away?

The final harry potter book touches on this concept. This concept has always made for wonderful scifi/fantacy stories.

I thought they did a fairly nice job with this idea in "A Beautiful Mind", too.  Come to think of it there was a scene in that movie where Russel Crowe's character puts his movie flesh and blood child in danger due to his preoccupation with his hallucinations, which is not too far from the situation with Esefeb's half-brother.  But I'm getting away from my purpose in posting, which really was just to say good discussion points, trreed.



Mr. Tweedy

  • Lochage
  • *****
  • Posts: 497
  • I am a sloth.
    • Free Mode
Reply #62 on: August 16, 2007, 03:12:50 PM
I said at the beginning that I thought this story was very good because it did an excellent job posing a moral dilemma but leaving it up to the reader to decide which course of action was right.  It's like an interactive parable, where the reader is forced to choose what the moral is.

I had refrained from stating my own answer to the question because I didn't want to cause an argument that would dominate the thread, but it's been a few weeks, so here's my take:

Mia was right.  She recognizes that there is far more to being human that merely feeling happy, and that the people on the planet are able to be far more than they are, even thought they lack the capacity to realize it.

This is ultimately a conflict between the ideas of objective and subjective morality.  Mia opts for objectivity: She says "This is not how people ought to live," and she takes steps to move them toward a better state of being.  The others say "There is no right way to live; all that matters is if people like the way they are living."  Hence there is no need to cure anyone, since no one dislikes their condition.

It is Mia's belief that there is a right way to live that separates her from the others.

Her "right way" is simply to live in light of reality, in the world of facts.  Ej-Es might cause bliss, but Ej-Es is not real, and infatuation with him/her/it is a blindfold that prevents the afflicted from perceiving and interacting with the world that truly exists.  Mia deems that the ability to appreciate the objective world is more important than the ability to be perpetually happy.  This is a philosophical position that I wholly agree with.  Happiness, of itself, is not good, and delusion leading to happiness is a shallow and pathetic state.  Happiness is only meaningful when it is come by honestly, that is, when a person is happy for some reason.  A happiness enforced, either by drugs or by lies, is meaningless, not worth having.

I agree with Mia that it is better to have honest sorrow than empty bliss.  Esefeb is better off weeping for a real cause that smiling at something counterfeit.  And as time goes on, she will learn to smile at real things, as well as cry over them.  That's life, and life is beautiful.

***

It is important to realize that Mia is not trying to force or impose her own culture onto another people: This is not the same as Victorians coming upon naked Indians and labeling them savages in need of European rulers.  She is not trying to make them more like her.  Rather, she is trying to make them more like themselves.  She sees that their affliction is preventing them from realizing their own potential, from being all they can be.  Ethnocentrism is not a factor.

It could be argued that she is wrong because she is forcing or imposing her ideas onto people who are not able to consent, but this is done in love, in the same way I will begin imposing literacy upon my daughter when she is a little older, or that a coach forces an athlete to run as fast as they can.  The person is forced to be themselves to a fuller and deeper extent than they could have managed alone.  Although this process might not be wholly pleasant, it is not abuse.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2007, 03:17:43 PM by Mr. Tweedy »

Hear my very very short story on The Drabblecast!


SFEley

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 1408
    • Escape Artists, Inc.
Reply #63 on: August 16, 2007, 05:57:02 PM
By the way, I just said it in this week's EP, but I want to say it again:

I really, really love that the story has inspired this level of thought and discussion. 

ESCAPE POD - The Science Fiction Podcast Magazine


Russell Nash

  • Guest
Reply #64 on: August 16, 2007, 08:16:21 PM
Mia was right.

I agree with your final conclusion.  I just don't think changes on this scale should be jumped into.  I would have developed a plan with a small experimental and a small control group.  Etc., etc. Proper scientific method and all.



Roney

  • Lochage
  • *****
  • Posts: 440
Reply #65 on: August 17, 2007, 10:36:53 PM
I said at the beginning that I thought this story was very good because it did an excellent job posing a moral dilemma but leaving it up to the reader to decide which course of action was right.  It's like an interactive parable, where the reader is forced to choose what the moral is.

Sorry to sidestep the substance of your post, but this comment has nailed what it is about the story that doesn't work for me:
  • Tight focus on the central character
  • Limited number of locations
  • Very limited number of props
  • Sparsely populated with single-agenda NPCs
  • Mystery to be solved
  • Multiple-choice ending

These constraints are common to many short stories but the way they were presented felt more like an interactive fiction scenario.

Don't get me wrong: I'm a big fan of interactive fiction.  But the best IF manages to disguise the limitations of the form and create something where the player's choices tell a satisfying story.  In this case the author had complete control of the narrative but the result was reminiscent of an interactive fiction walkthrough.  The result is that I wasn't so much imagining what I would do in the protagonist's shoes as wondering why I was watching the protagonist play out her computer game.



Planish

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 772
  • Fun will now commence.
    • northernelectric.ca
Reply #66 on: August 19, 2007, 09:01:55 PM
Sorry to sidestep the substance of your post, but this comment has nailed what it is about the story that doesn't work for me:
  • Tight focus on the central character
  • Limited number of locations
  • Very limited number of props
  • Sparsely populated with single-agenda NPCs
  • Mystery to be solved
  • Multiple-choice ending
For most short stories, I thought all those were features, not bugs.

Liked the story, liked the reader.

I thought there were a few editing errors though, at least one phrase spoken a second time slightly differently, and a few spots where a deletion left too short a gap, but from working on Librivox projects I realise how easy it is for stuff to slip by.
I kinda' liked the paper shuffling though, because it made it more <something, don't know what to call it> as a performance in addition to the story itself. It is, after all, a reading, not a radio dramatization.


The thing that got me sidetracked (for the first couple of minutes) was the suspicion that they were going to stumble upon a room full of filing cabinets, with drawer labels, like ..."Ea-Ej" "Ej-Es", "Es-Fb", "Fb-Fn"... etc. and it was going to be the key to understanding the names or language.
Never mind that it does not make sense to have "Ej" appear on two of the drawers, without going to three characters. Too much Soylent Green / Planet of the Apes / Twilight Zone for me, I guess.  :D Suffice it to say that I was glad that it did not happen.

I feed The Pod.
("planish" rhymes with "vanish")


JoeFitz

  • Matross
  • ****
  • Posts: 258
Reply #67 on: August 20, 2007, 01:58:17 AM
Overall, I found it was mediocre in my books. The conflict seemed too predictable, as did the result. At first, I thought the Ej-Es was simply "angels" and I couldn't help thinking of Jodie Foster as Nell. The song didn't help much.

Yet, some aspects were strong, such as the reading, and the repeated question and answer about joining the Corps. The weariness of the narrator was well executed and well-thought out. Unfortunately, I found Mr. Tweedy much better at underlining the ethical dilemma at the story's center than the author in this case.

The discussion hasn't made the story more enjoyable, but has been an end unto itself.



Loz

  • Lochage
  • *****
  • Posts: 370
    • Blah Flowers
Reply #68 on: August 20, 2007, 06:57:09 PM
It's been several weeks since I listened to this story and don't have the time, atm, to listen again, so some of my rememberences might be wrong.

Did Mia find proof that this condition had got dramatically worse in the last generation of the people? Was it that this was going to now finish them off for good?

And I wonder if people's opinions would be changed if it turned out, as I thought it was heading towards, that the hallucinations were actually of a different skein of reality, of things that had some genuine objective existence.

I can understand Mr Tweedy's argument for Mia being right, however, by just ripping away someone's reality tunnel, without warning, and then walking away, not taking the time to comfort them and make sure of the psychological repercussions of her actions, Mia might end up doing more harm than she realises or seems to care about. She seems to be following a 'better to die standing than live on your knees' approach. I still believe Mia to be a monster, it being especially bad that she's become a monster through her own tunnel-vision and with the best of intentions.



ajames

  • Lochage
  • *****
  • Posts: 358
Reply #69 on: August 22, 2007, 10:32:13 AM

Mia was right.  She recognizes that there is far more to being human that merely feeling happy, and that the people on the planet are able to be far more than they are, even thought they lack the capacity to realize it.

This is ultimately a conflict between the ideas of objective and subjective morality.  Mia opts for objectivity: She says "This is not how people ought to live," and she takes steps to move them toward a better state of being.  The others say "There is no right way to live; all that matters is if people like the way they are living."  Hence there is no need to cure anyone, since no one dislikes their condition.

It is Mia's belief that there is a right way to live that separates her from the others.

I agree with Mia that it is better to have honest sorrow than empty bliss. 


When I first read this post of Mr. Tweedy's [severely truncated here to highlight what I want to discuss], I thought it was the definitive statement of what was my position also.  But Mia's apparent method of curing Esefeb [and others?] has always been difficult for me to reconcile.  In making my arguments earlier, I assumed that she would provide after-care to those she cured, but there is not even this slightest suggestion of this given in the story. 

So I feel the need to amend my position, and state that Mia was right in wanting to cure these people of the virus, but wrong in how she did it, and inflicted far more harm than good on anyone she cured.  Mr. Tweedy's post actually helped me reach this conclusion.  The problem with the objective vs. subjective reality is that objective reality is more subjective than it seems.  The way that cultures see the world, even cultures with high regard for the 'objective' sciences, is more heavily influenced by subjective beliefs and 'ways of seeing' than we often realize.  The problem with this virus is that it didn't just infect Esefeb or a small subset of this  colony's population, it destroyed the whole civilization.  If Esefeb and the others had a civilization to come back to when they were cured, had other people with a common reference of reality to take them in, then I would agree that even a painful cure would be worth it.  But as it appears in the story, Esefeb and others would be cured and come back to a world they are entirely unequipped to deal with in any meaningful way [for all intensive purposes, they would be equivalent to infants abandoned shortly after birth, with no other humans to care for them].  Humans are social animals, and these humans need a society to return to.  Mia could provide that society, but there is no indication that she planned to do so.

With that said, I still strongly believe that not all realities are equal.  This virus robbed Esefeb and her people of all the potential they had to interact with the world around them in a meaningful way.  If my child were to get this virus here on earth, I would desperately want to cure him.  The discussion of what makes one reality better than another is another discussion in itself, as there are several criteria one could use.  The reality that more accurately accounts for how things are in the physical world, the reality that makes us happy, the reality that pushes us to achieve, to create, to live out our potential, and so on. 

To me, a reality that leaves one happy at the cost of all else isn't much of a reality at all, but it is better than no reality.



Mr. Tweedy

  • Lochage
  • *****
  • Posts: 497
  • I am a sloth.
    • Free Mode
Reply #70 on: August 22, 2007, 02:48:20 PM
What do you mean, ajames?

You've introduced this idea of multiple realities.  What do you mean by that?  Are you referring to different people's interpretations of a single reality or do you mean to say that there are, in fact, different realities to be experienced?

I'm confused as to your ontological model.

For myself, I say there is exactly one reality, which different people perceive in different ways.  People perceive with varying degrees of acuity, but this does not effect the reality around them.

Hear my very very short story on The Drabblecast!


ajames

  • Lochage
  • *****
  • Posts: 358
Reply #71 on: August 22, 2007, 10:53:42 PM
[Poster's note: for a very brief summary of this post, you may want to skip ahead and read my next post first]

As interesting as it is to speculate otherwise, I, too, believe in one fundamental reality.

I also believe the following:

a] Our ability to perceive this reality is limited, probably much more limited than we know.  We have five senses, and with technology we have learned to extend these senses and "see" things we otherwise wouldn't be able to "see".  Yet how much of the universe is currently beyond our ability to perceive it?  Some physicists and mathematicians are positing that we live in a universe of multiple spatial dimensions [much more than the three I am familiar with].  I'm no physicist or mathematician, but to me this means my ability to perceive the universe may be somewhat similar to a flatlander's ability to observe his/her universe.

b] Despite everyday common experience to the contrary, correctly perceiving the "true" reality is a difficult task.  Research has shown our memories are surprisingly prone to error, that our perception of objects can be shaped by the statements of others about the objects, that we put more faith in anecdote and testimonials than "hard facts", and so on.  My point being here that besides our physical limitations in being able to perceive the universe, we have a number of psychological factors that shape our perceptions as well.

c]  The predominant beliefs and underlying assumptions of our culture [or sub-cultures within it] play an extremely large role in shaping our perceptions of reality.

Taking all this together, I am wary of anyone claiming to know the "truth" or "reality".  If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.

However, inability to fully perceive the fundamental reality with 100% certainty does not necessarily lead to a relativistic world where all perceptions of reality are equally valid.  Just because we don't know everything doesn't mean we don't know anything.  And just because we don't know everything doesn't mean that we can't begin to determine if some perceptions of reality are closer to what we know of reality than others.  We just need to be cautious and avoid the trap of believing that we know reality.

The values that cultures promote add another level of complexity when considering reality.  For a culture, learning the "objective truth" may be only one of many values, and it may be overridden by those values.  Of course, in some cultures, it may not be a value at all.  Not all cultures are equal, either, and in general the culture that does a better job at perceiving reality will do a better job at surviving through time, though not always, and there are other factors to consider when assessing a culture, too.

Finally, I should state here that subjective perceptions of reality do not equal reality.  I may loosely speak of Esefeb living in her own reality, but it is merely short-hand for Esefeb's perceptions of reality being markedly different from other's perceptions of reality, although extremely compelling to Esefeb. 

There are as many perceptions of reality as their are sentient beings.  If perceptions are similar enough they may form a common culture [and are often likely similar as a result of intimate contact with that culture, though certainly not always].  But all these perceptions come from different perspectives of one fundamental reality.

To bring all this back to my previous post, I believe that culture plays a prominent role in our development as humans and our perception of the world and reality, and without a culture to guide Esefeb and her people through their recovery, I fear some horrible results could ensue from Mia's actions.  With a culture to return to, I believe strongly that curing Esefeb and others is the right thing to do.  Mia could provide that culture, one presumably very similar to the one of the original colonists, but we have no indication that she plans to do so.

« Last Edit: August 23, 2007, 09:49:04 AM by ajames »



ajames

  • Lochage
  • *****
  • Posts: 358
Reply #72 on: August 23, 2007, 09:19:05 AM
For myself, I say there is exactly one reality, which different people perceive in different ways.  People perceive with varying degrees of acuity, but this does not effect the reality around them.

I reread this and realized I could have simply said, yeah, that's what I think too, more or less, and if I spoke about other realities before, I was speaking loosely and meant other perceptions of reality.

I'm going to touch up my previous long-winded post slightly, but I'll leave it in for anyone interested in an expansion on factors related to the "varying degrees of acuity".
« Last Edit: August 23, 2007, 09:50:07 AM by ajames »



Planish

  • Hipparch
  • ******
  • Posts: 772
  • Fun will now commence.
    • northernelectric.ca
Reply #73 on: August 27, 2007, 10:12:42 PM
And I wonder if people's opinions would be changed if it turned out, as I thought it was heading towards, that the hallucinations were actually of a different skein of reality, of things that had some genuine objective existence.
I was wondering about that too, up until that infected crew member (I forget the name) starts describing seeing worms or something that were native to their planet. At that point I deemed it to be "all in their head".

I feed The Pod.
("planish" rhymes with "vanish")


Myrealana

  • Peltast
  • ***
  • Posts: 107
    • Bad Foodie
Reply #74 on: September 28, 2007, 06:20:47 PM
Coming late to the discussion. I've just stubled on to Escape Pod and I'm catching up on old shows.

I found this story so beautiful and profoundly sad.

I guess I was raised on too much Star Trek. I'm a Prime Directive kind of gal - leave 'em the way you found 'em - but I think Mia was wrong. It's almost like she decided if she couldn't be blisfully happy all the time, Esefeb had no right to it either.

At the same time, I can see how she justified her actions. What I wondered most at the end was how Mia felt about it after she say Esefeb crying. Was she still convinced she did the right thing, or was she regretting it now?

"You don't fix faith. Faith fixes you." - Shepherd Book