Escape Artists

The Lounge at the End of the Universe => Gallimaufry => Topic started by: Heradel on April 19, 2007, 05:51:45 AM

Title: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: Heradel on April 19, 2007, 05:51:45 AM
Having turned when the world ends into a near-treatise on zombies and the humans that run from them, I figured that there's gotta be at least a few other things we can all figure out how to survive through. Boyfriends, girlfriends, dogs and small children may laugh at you, but when the Alien Zombie Daleks show up at their front doors... well, they'll be dead, so you get what we call the last laugh by default. Or you could save them. Whatever rocks your boat.

Suggestions include, but are not limited to:

I'll start adding things in the next few days, but don't let that stop you from getting there first. Or subcontracting the work out to your evil minions so they can post falsehood to trick us feeble and gullible humans.
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: wakela on April 19, 2007, 06:05:13 AM
I will go the marina in all cases. 

What about bethumbed dolphins? 
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: Heradel on April 19, 2007, 06:09:35 AM
Quote from: wakela on April 19, 2007, 06:05:13 AM
I will go the marina in all cases. 

What about bethumbed dolphins? 

Bethumbed?

Wait, how will the marina help you with the fortune telling machine in the roadside diner that spits out the true future?  (which is shamelessly stolen from that episode of The Twilight Zone with Shatner, for anyone wordering)
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: ClintMemo on April 19, 2007, 12:22:58 PM
Sudden catastrophic climate change.
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: Jim on April 19, 2007, 12:43:33 PM
Check out this interview with Max Brooks (http://www.wpr.org/book/040418b.html), author of The Zombie Survival Guide, on Wisconsin Public Radio.
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: lowky on April 19, 2007, 02:22:30 PM
Quote from: Heradel on April 19, 2007, 06:09:35 AM
Quote from: wakela on April 19, 2007, 06:05:13 AM
I will go the marina in all cases. 

What about bethumbed dolphins? 

Bethumbed?

Wait, how will the marina help you with the fortune telling machine in the roadside diner that spits out the true future?  (which is shamelessly stolen from that episode of The Twilight Zone with Shatner, for anyone wordering)

Easy, throw the machine in the back of your pickup truck, wrap it in chains, load it on a boat at the marina, and sink the bastage in the ocean, where no one can read their future but the bethumbed dolphins, who thereby become so morose, they will all commit suicide, therefore not being around to attack us before or after the zombie catastrophe arrives.
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: Startrekwiki on April 19, 2007, 02:33:19 PM
I think that one of the best things to do, is to move to Montreal. From there, you can access the Saint Lawrence river, and the ocean. If you want to take the route of sea.

Say, if something like this came up in the future, why would it happen here, on Earth? Maybe it will occur on a Mars colony, or somewhere like that...
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: lowky on April 19, 2007, 03:31:29 PM
Quote from: Startrekwiki on April 19, 2007, 02:33:19 PM


Say, if something like this came up in the future, why would it happen here, on Earth? Maybe it will occur on a Mars colony, or somewhere like that...
ZOMBIES IN SPACE SPACE SPACE SPACE SPACE SPACE[/i]
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: ClintMemo on April 19, 2007, 05:05:54 PM
How about...

Time-traveling aliens arrive to conquer the earth using mech-zombies, the creation of which brings about catastrophic climate change?
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: Startrekwiki on April 19, 2007, 05:08:59 PM
Help! This is starting to be an extreamley morbid thread!

Although, I like the conquoror idea, other than, the very fact that, why would the zombies not turn on their creators?
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: lowky on April 19, 2007, 06:36:59 PM
Quote from: Startrekwiki on April 19, 2007, 05:08:59 PM
Help! This is starting to be an extreamley morbid thread!

Although, I like the conquoror idea, other than, the very fact that, why would the zombies not turn on their creators?
Well if they are mech-zombies from a conquoror, obviously they would have been built with their own version of the 1st law of Robots.
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: ClintMemo on April 19, 2007, 06:53:52 PM
Quote from: lowky on April 19, 2007, 06:36:59 PM
Quote from: Startrekwiki on April 19, 2007, 05:08:59 PM
Help! This is starting to be an extreamley morbid thread!

Although, I like the conquoror idea, other than, the very fact that, why would the zombies not turn on their creators?
Well if they are mech-zombies from a conquoror, obviously they would have been built with their own version of the 1st law of Robots.

so instead of shuffling around mumbling "brains..." they shuffle around mumbling "HUMAN brains...."
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: FNH on April 19, 2007, 07:12:40 PM
Attack of the Sentient Sofa's!
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: ClintMemo on April 19, 2007, 07:24:21 PM
Quote from: FNH on April 19, 2007, 07:12:40 PM
Attack of the Sentient Sofa's!

They'd kill all the couch potatoes first. 
That could be a case of "Darwin in action."

People who have purchased a Wii would have an advantage.
I'd better hurry up and get mine. :P

Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: Bdoomed on April 19, 2007, 07:31:51 PM
Quote from: lowky on April 19, 2007, 03:31:29 PM
ZOMBIES IN SPACE SPACE SPACE SPACE SPACE SPACE[/i]
ROFL!  Sounds like some REALLY bad, low budget morning cartoon that no one likes, because they thought it was a good idea while they were drunk, so they made it.
Quote from: FNH on April 19, 2007, 07:12:40 PM
Attack of the Sentient Sofa's!
Dude, sofas can be very dangerous.  You never know what they'll do! and i have the scars to prove it!!!
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: SFEley on April 19, 2007, 07:43:44 PM
Quote from: Heradel on April 19, 2007, 05:51:45 AM
Suggestions include, but are not limited to:
  • Number 1

Is this Number 1 from The Prisoner, or some other Number 1?

If it's The Prisoner's Number 1, there's only one safe answer: when the Beatles music starts playing, lie down on the floor, cover your head, and don't look at, listen to, or think about anything until the drug trip passes.  (And/or everyone dies.)
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: ClintMemo on April 19, 2007, 07:44:29 PM
Quote from: FNH on April 19, 2007, 07:12:40 PM
Attack of the Sentient Sofa's!

When they make the game based on the movie, the boss monster would have to be either a sectional or a hide-a-bed.
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: SFEley on April 19, 2007, 07:45:11 PM
Quote from: Startrekwiki on April 19, 2007, 02:33:19 PM
I think that one of the best things to do, is to move to Montreal.

You know, you could have just stopped there and your post would have made total sense.
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: lowky on April 19, 2007, 08:43:50 PM
Quote from: Bdoomed on April 19, 2007, 07:31:51 PM
Quote from: lowky on April 19, 2007, 03:31:29 PM
ZOMBIES IN SPACE SPACE SPACE SPACE SPACE SPACE[/i]
ROFL!  Sounds like some REALLY bad, low budget morning cartoon that no one likes, because they thought it was a good idea while they were drunk, so they made it.

I was picturing a kind of Pigs in Space thing from the old muppet show, so your probably dead on there.  I actually don't see it as cartoon so much as the kind of thing where at least every couple episodes, someone shambles into the console and it falls apart into it's cardboard constituents.  Strings visible on everything on space shots.  Just stuff that would make the original Dr. Who look like high budget special effects.
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: clichekiller on April 19, 2007, 09:30:04 PM
Killer Bunnies <- It's got huge fangs.
Armored Cockroaches <- Watch your back when you're pumping gas.
Sentient Singing Toasters <- They'll croon you to death or maybe kill you with carbohydrates.  "Want any toast"
Dust Bunnies <- Marth Stewart's Home Defense line of dust busters
Grey Goo <- Beware what you can't see
Dragons <- Three Words "Heat Seeking Missile"
Roving Automated Cola Machines <- "Coke kills!"
Credit Collection Agencies <- Evolve into a race Morlocs and actually accept blood as a form of payment
Animatronic Elmo Dolls <- Elmo knows where you live!
Homeless armed and armored with the razor sharp remains of those blasted blister pack packaging <- +10 Vorpal Wounding for sure.
Cats <- Cause we all know they're the ones who really rule the world "Socks the cat anyone"
Army of the Mouse <- Don't mess with Disney
Sloths <- They're not slow just really really patient and now they're PISSED!

I'll add more as I think of them.
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: Heradel on April 20, 2007, 06:53:53 AM
Quote from: SFEley on April 19, 2007, 07:43:44 PM
Is this Number 1 from The Prisoner, or some other Number 1?

If it's The Prisoner's Number 1, there's only one safe answer: when the Beatles music starts playing, lie down on the floor, cover your head, and don't look at, listen to, or think about anything until the drug trip passes.  (And/or everyone dies.)

Yes, it's the same Number 1 (I basically raided the TV series/Positive emotions thread for villains). I've only seen about three episodes of The Prisoner and all were well past midnight in a hammock at the Fifth Hope (http://hope.net), so no comment on the method, but I usually duck for cover whenever Revolution Number Nine comes on anyway, so~.

Sides, Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey.
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: lowky on April 20, 2007, 11:50:23 PM
Quote from: clichekiller on April 19, 2007, 09:30:04 PM
Killer Bunnies <- It's got huge fangs.
Armored Cockroaches <- Watch your back when you're pumping gas.
Sentient Singing Toasters <- They'll croon you to death or maybe kill you with carbohydrates.  "Want any toast"
Dust Bunnies <- Marth Stewart's Home Defense line of dust busters
Grey Goo <- Beware what you can't see
Dragons <- Three Words "Heat Seeking Missile"
Roving Automated Cola Machines <- "Coke kills!"
Credit Collection Agencies <- Evolve into a race Morlocs and actually accept blood as a form of payment
Animatronic Elmo Dolls <- Elmo knows where you live!
Homeless armed and armored with the razor sharp remains of those blasted blister pack packaging <- +10 Vorpal Wounding for sure.
Cats <- Cause we all know they're the ones who really rule the world "Socks the cat anyone"
Army of the Mouse <- Don't mess with Disney
Sloths <- They're not slow just really really patient and now they're PISSED!

I'll add more as I think of them.

1) Holy Handgrenades
2) No Escape Roaches win
3) cut off the power cord, and it's as good as dead
4)already solved with the dust busters
5) Goo Gone,  Been around for ages
6) Heat seaking missles only work against fire breathing dragons, those that breath acid and/or cold (esp cold) it aint gonna help
7) Have a coke and a smile
8 ) Can't afford to give them cash, they have been trying to squeeze blood from a turnip for ages anyways
9) Elmo is the cousin of the antichrist.  The antichrist being Barney of course.
10) doomed for sure
11) Someone has to scoop the litterbox
12) Disney is too busy with their Pastafarian agenda
13) Sloths hmm no solution yet.
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: Heradel on April 21, 2007, 04:41:53 AM
Quote from: lowky on April 20, 2007, 11:50:23 PM
13) Sloths hmm no solution yet.
]

Running Shoes? A series of Ha-Ha's or Ho-Ho's? (see british gardening)
Title: Re: Having Done Zombies: The annals of improbable things to escape from and how.
Post by: SFEley on April 21, 2007, 02:24:56 PM
Quote from: Heradel on April 20, 2007, 06:53:53 AM
Yes, it's the same Number 1 (I basically raided the TV series/Positive emotions thread for villains). I've only seen about three episodes of The Prisoner and all were well past midnight in a hammock at the Fifth Hope (http://hope.net), so no comment on the method, but I usually duck for cover whenever Revolution Number Nine comes on anyway, so~.

Anna and I watched all of The Prisoner on DVD last year.  It's a brilliant premise for a series, and most of the execution is brilliant too, but the original writing team fell apart about halfway through and left Patrick McGoohan to pretty much make it up as he went along.  The finale was so bizarre that McGoohan had to go into seclusion to avoid all the people tracking him down to ask "WTF?!"

There's a remake in the works from Sky One, and I'm looking forward to it, even though it looks now like Christopher Eccleston will not be Number Six as originally reported.
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