Escape Artists
The Lounge at the End of the Universe => Gallimaufry => Topic started by: Leon Kensington on July 06, 2007, 11:34:05 PM
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Here is how it works, you take a quote from a movie, book, tv show, or podcast and change out a word for pants.
Example: Have fun!
Turns into
Have pants!
Here is my first-
The Pants were created by man. They evolved. They rebelled. There are many copies, and they have a plan.
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I have a pair of pants for you, and I promise they fit
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Hmmm...
Three Pants for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Pants to rule them all, one Pants to find them,
One Pants to bpants them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
He is one of the wandepants folk — Rangers we call them. He seldom talks: not but what he can tell a rare tale when he has the mind. He disappears for a month, or a year, and then he pops up again. He was in and out pretty often last sppants; but I haven't seen him about lately. What his right name is I've never heard: but he's known round here as Strider.
Already the Pants tempted him, gnawing at his will and reason. Wild fantasies arose in his mind; and he saw Samwise the Strong, Hero of the Age, striding with a flaming sword across the darkened land, and armies flocking to his call as he marched to the overthrow of Barad-dûr. And then all the clouds rolled away, and the white sun shone, and at his command the vale of Gorgoroth became a garden of flowers and trees and brought forth fruit. He had only to put on the Pants and claim it for his own, and all this could be.
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I was going to go with Darth Vadar, but Google informs me that 533 Internet Monkeys before me have already come up with "I find your lack of pants disturbing." Damn you Internets!!!
Serenity, however, appears ripe for plunder.
That guy killed me, Mal. He killed me with pants. How weird is that?
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Pants! Pants! We don't need no stinkin' pants!!!
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Pants! Pants! We don't need no stinkin' pants!!!
The Pants of the Sierra Madre A true classic.
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Get me the pants, we have a problem.
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And who can forget such classic movies as Air Force Pants
with such classic lines as:
Alice Marshall: I'm 12 years old, dad. In caveman days I'd be having pants of my own.
or
President James Marshall: If this works, you get to be Pantsmaster General.
or
President James Marshall: Peace isn't merely the absence of conflict, but the presence of Pants.
or
Egor Korshunov: You who murdered a hundred thousand Iraqis to save a nickel on a pair of pants are going to lecture me on the rules of war? Well DON'T.
or even this fine dialog:
F-15 Pilot: Sir, pull up your pants! You've got one on your tail.
President James Marshall: Get him off my tail!
F-15 Pilot: Missile away. Air Force One. Break left and climb!
Major Caldwell: Sir, we've lost pants.
F-15 Pilot: This is Halo-2. They've lost pants. I'm going in.
or
White House General: [after hearing the president] My God! Is he saying what I think he's saying?
Vice President Kathryn Bennett: If we're going to act, we have to act now.
Defense Secretary Walter Dean: It's too risky.
Vice President Kathryn Bennett: The president is up there with pants on his head.
General Northwood: He asking us to do that to Air Force One?
Vice President Kathryn Bennett: He's not asking. Your Commander-in-Chief has issued a direct order. Do it!
and finally:
President James Marshall: The truth is, we acted too late. Only when our own pants were threatened, did we act.
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"These are not the pants you're looking for"
- Star Wars
"A census taker tried to take my poll. I ate his pants with fava beans and nice chianti. [Snffffffff!]."
- Silence of the Lambs
"It was the best of pants, the worst of pants."
- Tale of Two Cities.
"Doya think you can get some of that pants in your head!" - Bordello of Blood
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" I have come here to kick-ass and chew Pants, and I'm all out of Pants!"
- They Live
"We need a bigger Pants"
- Jaws
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"Hey! Wanna go to the pants party with me?"
"Are you trying to tell me there's a party in your pants and I'm invited?"
"Yeah!"
"No."
"Okay!"
-The Legend of Ron Bergundy
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Brandt, did Ron put you up to that?
They won't pants us, and you know why? Because we are just too damn pretty! Look at that chiseled jaw.
--Mal
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That game reminds me of this episode of Questionable content: http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=792
Every proverb is better with a lion in it...
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Dave Bowman: Open the pants bay doors, HAL.
HAL: I'm sorry, Dave. But I'm afraid I can't do that.
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HAL: My pants are far too important for me to allow you to jeopardize them.
Dave Bowman: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL.
HAL: I know you and Frank were planning to depants me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
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Dave Bowman: All right, HAL; I'll go in through the emergency airlock.
HAL: Without your pants, Dave, you're going to find that rather difficult.
Dave Bowman: HAL, I won't argue with you anymore! Open the pants!
HAL: Dave, this conversation can serve no purpants anymore. Goodbye.
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"One more question. You're watching a stage play. A banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled pants...".
--Deckard in Blade Runner
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Pants! Pants! My kingdom for some pants!
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"You cant argue with a Pants man."
- Napoleon Wilson ( Assault on Precinct 13 )
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The pants are everywhere, Neo. You can feel them when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. They are the world that had been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth...
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KayLee- I ain't had nothing twix my pants weren't run on batteries in near 6 months.
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Death cannot stop true pants. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my pants. Prepare to die.
You rush a pants man, you get rotten pants.
HE DIDN'T FALL? PANTS!
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
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Follow the Yellow Pants Road! Follow the Yellow Pants Road!
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"Have you ever danced with the pants by the pale moonight"
"It aint the pants, baby, it's the mileage."
"What's in the pants, man? What's in the pants?"
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"Solyent Green is Pants!"
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Gina- Gias, I want you to pants me.
Baltar- I will not pants you, what you need is justice!
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"I don't believe in the 'no-pants' scenario."
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Then they are on double secret pants!
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I don't believe in the 'no-pants' scenario.
Brilliant! Though I disagree with the sentiment...
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From Apantsaclypse Now:
"Pants...shit...I'm still in my pants."
"Never take off your pants. Absolutely goddamn right. Unless you're going all the way."
"The zipper...the zipper."
"You're an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect my pants."
And of course
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It's the smell of ... pants."
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"My name is Larry Grossman and I’m not wearing any pants.”
Yea I know it is an actual pants quote. But I still laugh though when I think about it.
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From Apantsaclypse Now:
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It's the smell of ... pants."
"I love the smell of pants in the morning. It's the smell of… victory."
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Of course I could've gone with "All your pants are belong to us". :) But that one has been used before on teh interpants.
So instead I'll take this one:
Three pants for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One pair of pants to rule them all,
One pair of pants to find them,
One pair of pants to bring them all,
and in the darkness bind them.
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
Which is of course from the epic story "Lord of the Pants".
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There's a war out there old friend, a world war. And it's not about who has the most bullets, it's about who controls the pants.
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You! Shall Not! PANTS!
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"Your thoughts dwell on your pants."
"I miss pants"
"Afraid to lose pants I think, hmm?"
"What has that got to do with anything?"
"Everything! pants is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to pants."
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Use the pants Luke.
or
How bout Independence Day:
POTUS- Everyone knows that there are no pants at Area 51.
SECDEF- Well, Sir that isn't completely true.
POTUS- WHAT! We have pants!
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"Pants are smart, they can handle it."
"A pant is smart, pants are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it!"
"Good evening, and welcome to the Pant of Ultimate Darkness"
"Are you alright?"
"No, I'm not allright!"
"Take it easy."
"I'm hurt, I'm pissed and I've got to find new pants!"
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How about these:
It's like I told my ex wife, I never drive faster'n I can see. Other than that, it's all in the pants.
And just to jump on the CLOVERFIELD hype machine for the moment:
I've seen it, it's alive it's PANTS!
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ding dingding ding ding dingding...
The Cylons Were Created by Man.
They Rebelled.
They Evolved.
They Look and Feel Human.
Some are programmed to think they are Human.
There are many copies.
And they have Pants.
BATTLEPANTS GALLACTICA
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Pants?!? This - is - Sparta!!!
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And just to jump on the CLOVERFIELD hype machine for the moment:
I've seen it, it's alive it's PANTS!
That was awesome ;D
When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, we're going to see some serious Pants
The Pants Are Out There
Pants over, man! Pants over!
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It's like I told my ex wife, I never drive faster'n I can see. Other than that, it's all in the pants.
Have you paid your dues? Have you paid your dues!? The Pants are in the mail.
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"LIFE IS PANTS, Your Highness. Anyone who tells you otherwise is measuring something."
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Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your pants!
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Jessep: You want pants?
Kaffee: I think I'm entitled to them.
Jessep: You want pants?
Kaffee: I want the pants!
Jessep: You can't handle the pants! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with pants.
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From The Princess Pants (1987):
I've hired you to help me start a war. It's an prestigious line of work, with long and glorious pants.
When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk, you couldn't buy pants!
And you: friendless, brainless, helpless, pantsless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed in Greenland!
Probably some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise, at night... in... eel-infested pants…
You be careful. People in pants cannot be trusted.
We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No pants, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
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How about the Sean Connery/Nicholas Cage movie, The Pants
They have 15 canisters of VX nerve pants.
PUT DOWN YOUR PANTS THAT IS AN ORDER!
WE WILL NOT PUT DOWN OUR PANTS!!!
Honey, guess who pantsed jfk?
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How about Pulp Fiction with "pants" substituted for the "f" word?
Does he look... like... a... bitch?!
No!
Then why'd you try to pants him like a bitch, Brett?
I didn't!
Yes, you did. Yes, you did, Brett, you tried to pants him. And Marcellus Wallace don't like to be pants by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace.`
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I'll be in my pants.
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