The narrator is very talented. He used some kind of hillbilly-ish American accent that I couldn’t identify. His change of voice from when he reads the title to when he starts the story is notorious. Although weird at first, I personally liked it; it dragged me into that world a little more.
The author has the addiction to comment on every single line of dialogue, which she does by using adverbs. Although she’s used a diverse set of adverbs for this, the repetition made it go a little over the top. I’d cut that if I were her editor. Also, the narrator didn’t seem to follow the dialog tags, for his tone didn’t match what the descriptions said.
The climax was kinda weak, but I liked this story because its theme reminded me of stories like Medusa or the Japanese urban legend Kuchisake Onna or La Llorona from Latin American folklore. Women seeking revenge after being subdued by men are all over mythologies and urban legends, from all over the world. The girl having red hair and the will o’ wisp made me think about Irish folklore. That put, I think the author lost the gold opportunity of giving this story a modern American feel (other than the accents). If she tried to do that, I've failed to see it.
The protagonist is also a weird plot device. He's like a Gary Stu, and I don't understand why he's even there in the story if he's also the narrator. If I were the editor, I'd cut him too.
