Please remain calm and answer this question.

[FNH]

You see a turtle upside down in the baking sun... Why aren't you helping it?

[Heradel]

Because it's a tortoise in the desert, not a turtle in the sun.

[jrderego]

You see a turtle upside down in the baking sun... Why aren't you helping it?

Why aren't I helping?

[Talia]

Because I am inside my office, not outside in the desert, so clearly I'm hallucinating.

[FNH]

Because it's a tortoise in the desert, not a turtle in the sun.

Ding! Ding! Ding! ... We got one!

[stePH]

You see a turtle upside down in the baking sun... Why aren't you helping it?

I am an authentic bona-fide human, I assure you.

[williamjamesw]

Have you ever seen a turtle take a bite of something?  I'm not going anywhere near it until I can tell which end is the biting end.
(Nearly lost a chunk of shoe pushing one out of traffic; they can reach a  lot further/faster  than you'd think.)

[Tango Alpha Delta]

Please don't mess with my lunch... he's not done baking.

[birdless]

Wha... Where... I'm gone playing Desktop Tower Defense
(a la here) for a few days, and when I get back, everything's gone surrealistic with Turtles and Mornington Crescents and whatnot....

[Ocicat]

Just after college, I lived in a group house with a bunch of my college friends.  At one point someone left and we had to interview strangers to find someone to fill the room.

We asked a bunch of the usual questions.  What hours they kept, if they'd do dishes, did they smoke.  Then we looked at them seriously and asked them this.  "You're in a desert, walking along in the sand when you look down and see a tortoise.  You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back.  The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping..."

Anyone who looked confused and lost and said "what does this have to do with me living here?" did not get the room.  Only folks who interrupted with "which desert" or "What do you mean I'm not helping?!?" were under serious consideration.

[stePH]

Just after college, I lived in a group house with a bunch of my college friends.  At one point someone left and we had to interview strangers to find someone to fill the room.

We asked a bunch of the usual questions.  What hours they kept, if they'd do dishes, did they smoke.  Then we looked at them seriously and asked them this.  "You're in a desert, walking along in the sand when you look down and see a tortoise.  You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back.  The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping..."

Anyone who looked confused and lost and said "what does this have to do with me living here?" did not get the room.  Only folks who interrupted with "which desert" or "What do you mean I'm not helping?!?" were under serious consideration.

Reminds me of the first five minutes of Shallow Grave 

[Tango Alpha Delta]

Aw... does this mean  I don't get the room? Or are you going to send Deckard after me? 

At least let me finish eating....

[CGFxColONeill]

which desert? there are a lot of them in the world after all. And for that matter what is an amphibian doing in a desert anyhow? hm must be one of the desert breeds... that does not need water as bad

[Tango Alpha Delta]

This reminds me of one of those lame pop-psych Cosmopolitan-esque quiz things that went around a few years ago.  The one where you ask someone a series of mathematical questions of increasing difficulty, and then abruptly ask them to name a vegetable.  (I was the only one there who answered "leek" instead of "carrot".)

[Thaurismunths]

Because it's a tortoise in the desert, not a turtle in the sun.

There's good eating on one of them...

[Heradel]

Because it's a tortoise in the desert, not a turtle in the sun.

There's good eating on one of them...

Really? Having tried, I find anything I consume tastes much the same regardless of platform.

[zZzacha]

You see a turtle upside down in the baking sun... Why aren't you helping it?

Because it's blue

[Tango Alpha Delta]

You see a turtle upside down in the baking sun... Why aren't you helping it?

Because it's blue

Good point... when I'm blue, I often flop over on the back of my shell and tan until I feel better.  I'd be pretty ticked if some meddlesome passerby "helped" me!

[zZzacha]

Good point... when I'm blue, I often flop over on the back of my shell and tan until I feel better.  I'd be pretty ticked if some meddlesome passerby "helped" me!

You are SO right!!! Now, if it had some pigtails (mind you, not just ONE, but SOME) and it was dressed in a yellow bathing suit on a wednesday afternoon, then I would have helped the turtle.
Unless I was eating 2 bananas and I came on my bike, then the turtle would be on its own again. Sorry, that's just the way the world works.

[Tango Alpha Delta]

Good point... when I'm blue, I often flop over on the back of my shell and tan until I feel better.  I'd be pretty ticked if some meddlesome passerby "helped" me!

You are SO right!!! Now, if it had some pigtails (mind you, not just ONE, but SOME) and it was dressed in a yellow bathing suit on a wednesday afternoon, then I would have helped the turtle.
Unless I was eating 2 bananas and I came on my bike, then the turtle would be on its own again. Sorry, that's just the way the world works.

Yes, because your bike would need a thorough cleaning....   

[Thaurismunths]

Good point... when I'm blue, I often flop over on the back of my shell and tan until I feel better.  I'd be pretty ticked if some meddlesome passerby "helped" me!

You are SO right!!! Now, if it had some pigtails (mind you, not just ONE, but SOME) and it was dressed in a yellow bathing suit on a wednesday afternoon, then I would have helped the turtle.
Unless I was eating 2 bananas and I came on my bike, then the turtle would be on its own again. Sorry, that's just the way the world works.

Yes, because your bike would need a thorough cleaning....   

I'm both glad I'm not the only one who went there, and terrified that I had the same thought as you.

[zZzacha]

I'm both glad I'm not the only one who went there, and terrified that I had the same thought as you.

I knew it! It must be the pigtails, has to be.
Man, I'm gooooooood.

Love this conversation, too

[Tango Alpha Delta]

Good point... when I'm blue, I often flop over on the back of my shell and tan until I feel better.  I'd be pretty ticked if some meddlesome passerby "helped" me!

You are SO right!!! Now, if it had some pigtails (mind you, not just ONE, but SOME) and it was dressed in a yellow bathing suit on a wednesday afternoon, then I would have helped the turtle.
Unless I was eating 2 bananas and I came on my bike, then the turtle would be on its own again. Sorry, that's just the way the world works.

Yes, because your bike would need a thorough cleaning....   

I'm both glad I'm not the only one who went there, and terrified that I had the same thought as you.

Don't be afraid!  We socially inept free-associators are very happy people.