I think what I wish was that this story ended with the younger brother running down the street, the whole self-realization thing felt very forced to me.
I didn't mind the reading, it was stilted but I don't think the pauses were long enough to cause any aggravation and the imagery I quite liked. I also felt that in many ways this was much better at having a gay character without that having to be the focus, though nearer to the end it felt like it was being more forced into it.
Before I make the horrible comment, I am very glad this story was bought and produced but I find myself curious about what sort of sci-fi this classifies as? I don't see any reason this can't be set this year, or several years in the past. I know why this question occurs to me, that I just finish Existence, by David Brin, which was very much near-future sci-fi and pretty much plays on all the current-tech to the extreme tropes, which I found sort of annoying, but while it wasn't very futuristic that was part of the world. Generally these sorts of questions end as "its whatever people want it to be," but I'm curious as if there is some sort of survivalist sci-fi or apocalyptic sci-fi idea where that is the focus that puts it in the future?