self-pity

[Raving_Lunatic]

Just for an argument on the definition, how would you define self-pity?

A friend of mine thinks it's feeling sorry and wallowing in misery, full stop. So sort of thinking "I'm a social reject and it's all my fault" and acknowledging that you are the source of all your problems

which I'd've thought comes under "low self-esteem" or "blaming yourself"

whereas I was convinced self-pity was more blaming society/other people for whatever issues you have; like: "I would be in a better job right now if my parents had taken an interest in my education"

so which one? just generally feeling miserable about yourself and wallowing in that emotion or blaming other people for your problems and wallowing in that?

[deflective]

you turned around on this. i thought it had the wider definition until looking around.

[Talia]

just generally feeling miserable about yourself and wallowing in that emotion

This.

[Raving_Lunatic]

See talia I would be inclined to agree with my friend on this one- people use the term to describe people who just feel sorry for themselves and are miserable ect, but from Wikipedia:

Self-pity is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence.

and of course wikipedia is always right...

TBH i don't care what the dictionary says but what people use it to mean, and I think my friend is right in that it has a wider def. on reflection. Maybe I should take back those things I said about his mother

[JoeFitz]

FWIW, I think the term itself does potentially carry the broader definition, but like most words, the actual meaning varies in the precise context. I favour the definition over at dictionary.com, to wit, "pity for oneself, esp. a self-indulgent attitude concerning one's own difficulties, hardships, etc."

In other words, I think self-pity is a term used to convey the speaker's opinion that the feelings/behaviour complained of have limited basis or are expressed in an exaggerated manner.

[Raving_Lunatic]

that's a good point

self-pity as exaggerated miserableness or making mountains out of molehills... sort of fits with the second one

[stePH]