I agree with most of the sentiments above: this one was very sci-fi and not so much horror. I think someone pointed out that, aside from the gore, there wasn’t really any horror in it. I would say I have to agree. I would furthermore say that the gore was somewhat unnecessary: when Baba was crushed by the car, was there a need to get all POV with the woman driver? Was there a need to get all Red Asphalt with the description? I didn’t think so. The sickening sound of a car bumping over flesh is sufficiently disturbing – the description made it seem a little cartoonish.
The language was alright, though a little flaccid and not interesting on its own. But the pace was good and it did not have a long, slow buildup (“The Blessed Days” anyone?).
All that being said, I did not have the trouble others seem to have had with integrating in with the world. The story, like Star Trek or Twilight Zone (or most good sci-fi) is really more of an allegory or warning. The phones seemed like implants to me, maybe even partially biological ones. The fact that they were not well described or explained, I think, is irrelevant: they served well as plot devices.
I usually caution against multiple POVs, but I thought this one was alright. It was a little disconcerting in audio to switch around a lot, but it was easy enough to follow if one paid attention.
This was an idea I swear I’d seen before, but then again... I can’t think of where, so maybe this is just a story which I will describe as “Why didn’t someone think of it before?!” Which is to say that the idea seemed so obvious – but not unoriginal.
Again, I just looked at this one as an allegory a little more than “realistic” or “hard sci-fi” – has anyone ever seen the ST:TOS episodes “The Mark of Gideon” or “Let that be your Last Battlefield?” Are they totally realistic? No. But do they have a lot to say about our society? Yes. This was the same way. Maybe humans are animical to being “plugged in” to this degree – but as more and more people obsess over ephemeral facebook friends or text-message drama, this serves as an interesting signpost of what’s to come – if maybe not a warning.
Anyway, I think this might have been more at home at Escape Pod. It fails at horror, but definitely succeeds as a story.
