Author Topic: Pseudopod 291: Lizardfoot  (Read 7952 times)


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on: July 23, 2012, 07:00:26 AM
Pseudopod 291: Lizardfoot

by John Jasper Owens “Lizardfoot” originally appeared in A capella Zoo #3 and is readable by clicking the link. It was nominated for the Pushcart Prize.

John Jasper Owens says “if you like this story, Google me or enter my full name in Amazon. I’m around, in bits and pieces. Do try my story “Lord Braugh’s Dessert” at Bard and Sages Quarterly.

Your reader this week is the amazing John Bell. Further work by the astounding Mr. Bell can be heard online at Sonic Society and also Bells In The Batfry.

“It was Rayletta that made the lizard boots what had the footprints we used to track around. I never asked, on account of Missy-Bee don’t like me talking to Rayletta, who is divorced and therefore hell-bound and has those huge boobs, but I suspect Rayletta made the LizardFoot boot bottoms by way of a gator foot, which she put on butcher paper, and traced around it to make it bigger. And as y’all also know, the swamp out back of my trailer was the ideal place to stomp around in the boots, because that marsh goes back about a hundred miles to the coast and is too shallow for skiffs, too deep and pock-holed for hiking, and impossible to drain, unless you are also willing to drain the Santeechee river what feeds it. Plus the gulf.

It seems like that swamp goes on forever, under them cypress trees.

Sometimes at night, sitting out on my deck, I watch the moonlight coming through the branches and hanging moss and then I hear a hoot owl, and I will admit I have sometimes wondered if the alleged sightings of LizardFoot have had some truth to them. Although during the day, like most people, I believed those sightings to have been moonshine and/or crank induced. My own daddy claims to have seen old LizardFoot once or twice, but mostly when in trouble with mama for gigging till dawn. And Daddy is not afraid of a drink.”

Listen to this week's Pseudopod.

I'd like to hear my options, so I could weigh them, what do you say?
Five pounds?  Six pounds? Seven pounds?


  • Palmer
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Reply #1 on: July 23, 2012, 10:59:19 AM
Magnificent characterization, both by the author and by the narrator. Thanking you everyone.


  • Palmer
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Reply #2 on: July 23, 2012, 05:30:48 PM
Just finished listening to the newest selection from our scary friends over and Pseudopod and I have only thing to say. Hot motherflying Lizard sex! I enjoyed the idea of what appeared to be a rather stout racist changing there view of there world when they meet that special creature.

Now if only we could get all those close minded people to find there lizard mack daddies, the world would be a better place!

It's not that I can't see the line, it's merely that I burned it away when I was 5...


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Reply #3 on: July 23, 2012, 09:08:55 PM
I. Loved. This. Loved. It.

I'm from the south, and I think that, unfortunately, the characterizations were spot on for a not insignificant percentage of southerners. Too many for MY liking, at least. Loved the resolution.

Although I did wonder if Lizardfoot and Lizardfootetta would have cloacae instead of . . . easily identifiable genitalia. And mammaries on a reptile? I--

Oh, wait, I'm letting logic get in the way of a good story. BAD Kaa. Bad. :)

I invent imaginary people and make them have conversations in my head. I also write.

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Reply #4 on: July 24, 2012, 04:13:21 PM
Loved the voice. Great stuff.  I did have a slight problem with the ending. I got the idea from earlier in the letter that our hero would be going away for a long time if not for good, (You'll find the house empty by the time you read this)  It turned out that he really just planned to go out and punish his wife and her lizard paramour, not run away and start a Lizard/Human love nest away from the cares of man. It seems he would be back before a mail delivery unless things went horribly wrong.  Just a little confusing, and of course considering the audio format it could just be something I missed. 
      Still an extremely fun listen! thanks for the experience.


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Reply #5 on: July 25, 2012, 01:28:07 PM
This was fun.  I did enjoy how his close-minded wife saw the appeal in the strange by the end.  Definitely worth some laughs. 

I found it pretty comical that he took the time, as his wife and lizardfoot are probably getting further and further away, that he took the time to write an extended note that certainly no one will believe in any case.  And for all we know is entirely fabricated as an excuse to get out of the party.

I did wonder why the lizardfoot woman had breasts...  The fact that that detail made no sense, and the oddness of such a prolonged note, might support the hypothesis that this is a complete fabrication.  :)


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Reply #6 on: July 25, 2012, 06:29:27 PM
this was FUN, and I loved it.
first time I listened I wasn't really paying attention and all i heard were the racist and sexist overtones so I didn't finish it.
 but on the second time I super enjoyed the ride :)


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Reply #7 on: July 26, 2012, 04:56:03 AM
first time I listened I wasn't really paying attention and all i heard were the racist and sexist overtones so I didn't finish it.
 but on the second time I super enjoyed the ride Smiley

Thank you for re-listening!


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Reply #8 on: July 26, 2012, 03:38:23 PM
Great story and great read.  Loved it. 

Proud 1%er (w/in Escape Artists only)
Nothing else to see here folks.


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Reply #9 on: July 27, 2012, 10:49:28 AM
I could have done with a defter touch on the closing notes, but overall I found this charming and entertaining.  It was clear from the start that this was a light-hearted piece, which is good; sometimes you can't tell until later on whether a story is aiming for funny or horrible and the disconnect can be a little jarring.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2012, 12:32:08 PM by Scattercat »


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Reply #10 on: July 28, 2012, 12:06:02 AM
This was a delightful story (not something I ordinarily say about Pseudopod stories!) with great narration!   :)


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Reply #11 on: July 31, 2012, 06:47:37 PM
This story was hilarious. Not scary, but excellent.

Narrator for Escape Pod, Pseudopod, and Podcastle. Check out my YouTube channel here


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Reply #12 on: August 01, 2012, 12:10:44 AM
Proof positive that Pseudopod doesn't always have to be the ginger step-child of the Escape Artists' family. I turn off more Pseudopod podcasts than any other (because I mean, damn, I already know that cockroaches are nasty), but when you boys shine, you shine like no other.

Humour, humanity, weirdness, redemption . . . this thing deserves more positive adjectives than it has word count.

Gotta be the best of the year.

Lone Mopper

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Reply #13 on: August 01, 2012, 10:23:50 PM
This story is bringing me out of the woodwork, (yeah, yeah, like a cockroach)

I am the type of person that enjoys art for it's contribution to my life, be it painting, music, book or story

but this one, wow, I feel I have to comment.

I love it because it is not what was anticipated or expected.

Way to go!

The Lone Mopper


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Reply #14 on: August 06, 2012, 02:55:47 PM
I don't really have much to say about this story except that it was very enjoyable, and I liked how it nicely subverts expectations, on more than one occasion.


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Reply #15 on: August 24, 2012, 08:04:23 AM
This story changed my life. It has allowed me to believe once again in true love...

...between a man and a lizard woman...

...A lizard woman with huge boobs.

I think I feel a song coming on.

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Special Ed

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Reply #16 on: August 28, 2012, 01:14:43 AM
That was a lot of fun.  What a great way to laugh through a commute.


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Reply #17 on: October 12, 2012, 06:07:52 PM
So much fun! Loved the story and loved the narration. Spot on!

Brian, Narrator:
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PP 251
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Reply #18 on: January 16, 2013, 12:07:48 PM
I'm catching up on the old Pseudopodia I missed over the summer and I was absolutely floored by this one! So funny... As others have said, the narration is SPOT ON!
I'll definitely be searching Amazon for more by the author.