EP380: Punk Voyager

[eytanz]

EP380: Punk Voyager

By Shaenon Garrity

Read by Nathaniel Lee

---
Punk Voyager was built by punks.  They made it from beer cans, razors, safety pins, and a surfboard some D-bag had left on the beach. Also plutonium.  Where did they get plutonium?  Around.  f*** you.

The punks who built Punk Voyager were Johnny Bonesaw, Johnny Razor, Mexican Johnny D-bag, Red Viscera, and some other guys.  No, asshole, nobody remembers what other guys.  They were f***ing wasted, these punks.  They’d been drinking on the San Diego beach all day and night, talking about making a run to Tijuana and then forgetting and punching each other.  They’d built a fire on the beach, and all night the fire went up and went down while the punks threw beer cans at the seagulls.

Forget the s*** I just said, it wasn’t the punks who did it.  They were f***ing punks.  The hell they know about astro-engineering? Truth is that Punk Voyager was the strung-out masterpiece of Mexican Johnny D-bag’s girlfriend, Lacuna, who had a doctorate in structural engineering.  Before she burned out and ran for the coast, Lacuna was named Alice McGuire and built secret nuclear submarines for a government contractor in Ohio.  It sucked.  But that was where she got the skills to construct an unmanned deep-space probe.  Same principle, right?  Keep the radiation in and the water out.  Or the vacuum of space, whatever, it’s all the same s*** to an engineer.

f*** that, it wasn’t really Lacuna’s baby.  It wasn’t her idea.  The idea was Red’s.

“f***ing space,” he said that fateful night.  He was lying on his back looking up at space, is why he said it.

“Hell yeah,” said Johnny Bonesaw.

“s*** ain’t nothing but rocks and UFOs.”

“Ain’t no such thing as a UFO.”

“Like hell there ain’t,” said Red.  “CIA knows all about it.  Them and the astronauts.”

Red was always saying that s***, though.  Everything was the CIA and the saucer people with that burnout.

---

Listen to this week’s Escape Pod!

[ToooooMuchCoffeeMan]

This story really didn't move me, with the exception of the image of a certain former President getting cockpunched. I mean, lord knows he deserves it - our national scrotum is still aching from the one he gave the entire country. But the story itself was just an extended one-liner that used some sf tropes, as opposed to actual sf.

...And Nancy Reagan would've NEVER been forebearing of someone that just punched her in the tit. She would've been screeching for Al Haig to unlock the missles.

[matweller]

Depends on whether it was the real one or the fake one, I suppose.

I'm probably going to hell for that.

I love this story.

[acpracht]

I must preface this by saying that I've been cruising blithely and happily along with Escape Pod for... probably about half a year or more. Many stories I have loved, some I was indifferent on. None of them prompted me with any thoughts worth posting to the forums.

This one did prompt a thought, and I find myself bursting until I share it here.

Put simply: "Yuck."

I get that it's satire. I don't even really have a problem with all the cursing. I get what it's going for, at least I think so.

I suppose that I'm just not punk or hardcore enough like the characters to enjoy their story.

Me, I have some different one-word descriptors of the characters.

"Jerks" if I'm feeling generous. "Assholes" if I feel like being accurate.

Truly, who is the reader supposed to identify with if they're not a "screw everyone and everything" personality?

And even those who ended up selling out were, truly, about two inches deep as people.

I would have no desire to spend two minutes with these people in real life. I can't believe I spent 20 minutes with them in this story.

Sorry, guys, this one was a miss in my book.

(Sigh, once again Mat Weller and I have different opinions. Ah, well, someday we'll agree.    )

On the plus side, I enjoyed Alasdair's essay - I might just have to check out his book.

-Adam

[daikaisho]

Fuck. Fuck. This story just fuckin'... Shit, guys. I'm going to cry, it's so awesome. And then I'm going to have to punch you all in the cock and go crash a car into a Pottery Barn.

But seriously, I think this is my favorite Escape Pod story aside from Kij Johnson's Spar. Which probably tells you all you need to know about me, but there you go. (Also it prompted me to jump on the forum and post about it, and I never do that.)

[jenfullmoon]

I get that it's satire. I don't even really have a problem with all the cursing. I get what it's going for, at least I think so.

I suppose that I'm just not punk or hardcore enough like the characters to enjoy their story.

I normally love Shaenon Garrity, but... I think I'm not punk or hardcore enough to be into this either. To me it was, "lame people do lame things, with lots of cursing, even the aliens." Except for Lacuna, who was the only one I was really interested in, and then she was utterly gone from the story. Darn it.

I wanted to like it, but....eh, no, not really.

[Cutter McKay]

The narrative voice of this piece was beautiful; I mean, beautiful in a filthy, disgusting, punk way. The story itself was ridiculous at best, but hilarious. I haven't laughed so much at an EP episode in a long time. The best line was:
"President Reagan came out to greet them and they punched him in the cock."
It's so irreverent and unexpected, probably because I've read so many versions of first contact and NONE of them begin with the President getting junk-punched. I laughed out loud in the middle of an office complex lobby, drawing eyes from not a few random passersby.

I loved this story. I get what everyone else has said so far about the characters being shallow, and the story a thinly veiled SF trope, but my response is: Who cares? It was funny. It was irreverent. It was everything that Punk tries to be. The narrator constantly telling us to fuck off was awesome because that's how most of these people are. I know a few punks, and yes, these characters are a bit shallow, but so are my punk friends.

It was perfect.

And so was Nathan's reading. Kudos.

[InfiniteMonkey]

Yes, yes, very droll, I remember Punk too (it frequently happened in my backyard), and while this story was good attempt on catching the mindset, it, like a lot of Punk, ended up rather vacant.

[statisticus]

I liked this one.  Light hearted, irreverent, and fun. 

Also making the good point that aliens are alien.  Maybe they do prefer punk to classical - why not?  I just wish I knew how Lacuna made that space probe.

[keppele]

I loved this story. It's essentially the cure for There Will Come Soft Rains, and for that alone it should go into the 2013 anthologies.

Also, finally, we get a tale that takes all those pretentious, meaningful, sanctimonious stories about How We Destroyed Mars and punches them in the cock.

[Thunderscreech]

I found this week's story simply delightful.  The character's insouciance as expressed through colorful metaphor lent a certain...  je ne sais quoi...  genuineness to the subject.  Like a fine wine, the tale had a delicate bouquet of indifference and realness lacking in so much of today's writing.  A fine wine that'll get you fucking wasted, that is.

[Frungi]

I love Nathaniel Lee. That is all.

[Listener]

This was a hilarious story. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I didn't think I would at first, and the part with the punks frolicking on the beach almost went on TOO long, but then it straightened out. I particularly liked the montage from the building of the probe to when the aliens landed. And yes, like everyone else, I got a kick out of the "punched him in the cock" lines. I also thought it was quite funny that Johnny Bonesaw's real last name was Bonesaw -- though it would've been funnier if it was spelled "Bonnesaugh" or something. I also thought the reading was good.

I kind of wonder who the narrator was. Was it Red? Was it one of the other punks? Just an unnamed omniscient presence?

[chemistryguy]

Fucking Punk Voyager!  Yeah!  This was so positively ridiculous and irreverent, how could I not love it.

It came dangerously close to overstaying its welcome near the end, but it left me smiling.

[Scumpup]

This story made me feel like I'd been punched in the cock in the best sort of way.

[Devoted135]

There exists a helpful resource called the rating system. EA 'casts have always used them with great discretion and success, and I respectfully request that the editors continue to do so. For example, a "rated R for language" would have been infinitely appropriate here.


Ehh, the story was irreverent and reasonably funny. I think it was quite successful in what it set out to do, it just happens that brand of humor isn't really my thing. I did think it was hilarious that the aliens noted the band members had "gotten old" as if that was a) avoidable and b) a crime. Great reading though.

[algae]

OK, I know it's getting to be an overused trope, but I literally had to create a login just to comment on this story.

Best. Escape Pod. Ever.

I was listening while flying (on a plane, not... you know, actually flying), and the person in the seat next to me kept looking at me like I was doing a different kind of flying (like, the kind that involves taking above the recommended dose of incompatible mind altering substances). Probably because I kept snickering throughout the whole story and actually LOL'd when Regan got dickpunched.

[Scattercat]

I kind of wonder who the narrator was. Was it Red? Was it one of the other punks? Just an unnamed omniscient presence?

I can't speak for the author, but when I read it, I was picturing Red Viscera sitting in an alien bar snarling over a beer and making fun of the people ordering those neon-bright drinks Whoopi Goldberg used to give out.

[cyberlogi]

Can't say that I enjoyed the story, but I did enjoy the punk characters. The author did a great job of showing the (IMO) bizarre attitudes and behavior of the punks and their culture.

[matweller]

There exists a helpful resource called the rating system. EA 'casts have always used them with great discretion and success, and I respectfully request that the editors continue to do so. For example, a "rated R for language" would have been infinitely appropriate here.


Ehh, the story was irreverent and reasonably funny. I think it was quite successful in what it set out to do, it just happens that brand of humor isn't really my thing. I did think it was hilarious that the aliens noted the band members had "gotten old" as if that was a) avoidable and b) a crime. Great reading though.

Unfortunately, there does not exist a formalized rating system at EA to my knowledge. Mur made an effort to make mention of things at the beginnings of episodes, and we did talk about a project for formalizing it a long time ago, but it never developed. I will take the heat for this one because I've probably taken it for granted as something the editor handles and I didn't give it the right attention post-transition. I did manage to get an EXPLICIT tag on the file itself and the post on the site says "Rated 13+ for rebellious vulgarity," but I did not get it in the audio.

The good news is that my ego loves reasons to put more recordings of my voice on things, and therefore I will take it upon myself to start recording & saving warnings that I can use at the beginning and hopefully it won't be long before I have a tag for all occasions. Fair enough?

[Max e^{i pi}]

There exists a helpful resource called the rating system. EA 'casts have always used them with great discretion and success, and I respectfully request that the editors continue to do so. For example, a "rated R for language" would have been infinitely appropriate here.


Ehh, the story was irreverent and reasonably funny. I think it was quite successful in what it set out to do, it just happens that brand of humor isn't really my thing. I did think it was hilarious that the aliens noted the band members had "gotten old" as if that was a) avoidable and b) a crime. Great reading though.

Unfortunately, there does not exist a formalized rating system at EA to my knowledge. Mur made an effort to make mention of things at the beginnings of episodes, and we did talk about a project for formalizing it a long time ago, but it never developed. I will take the heat for this one because I've probably taken it for granted as something the editor handles and I didn't give it the right attention post-transition. I did manage to get an EXPLICIT tag on the file itself and the post on the site says "Rated 13+ for rebellious vulgarity," but I did not get it in the audio.

The good news is that my ego loves reasons to put more recordings of my voice on things, and therefore I will take it upon myself to start recording & saving warnings that I can use at the beginning and hopefully it won't be long before I have a tag for all occasions. Fair enough?

Fair enough.

[Max e^{i pi}]

I liked this story. It made me smile and laugh and was generally rather fun.
Yes, the people in the story are shallower than that puddle of beer on the bar.
Yes they are more vulgar than a college fraternity portrayed by Hollywood.
But you know what? They stuck it to the Man and turned out to be right.
Someone has already posited that the reason why aliens have not visited the Earth is because they find us backward/boring/a disease/whatever. Well, in the story's world it's true. Only someone did something about it.

Also, I'm pretty sure that this was all meant to be sarcasm and parody, so....
I enjoyed it and that's what counts (for me).

EDITED to remove pointless and out of place rant.

[Devoted135]

There exists a helpful resource called the rating system. EA 'casts have always used them with great discretion and success, and I respectfully request that the editors continue to do so. For example, a "rated R for language" would have been infinitely appropriate here.


Ehh, the story was irreverent and reasonably funny. I think it was quite successful in what it set out to do, it just happens that brand of humor isn't really my thing. I did think it was hilarious that the aliens noted the band members had "gotten old" as if that was a) avoidable and b) a crime. Great reading though.

Unfortunately, there does not exist a formalized rating system at EA to my knowledge. Mur made an effort to make mention of things at the beginnings of episodes, and we did talk about a project for formalizing it a long time ago, but it never developed. I will take the heat for this one because I've probably taken it for granted as something the editor handles and I didn't give it the right attention post-transition. I did manage to get an EXPLICIT tag on the file itself and the post on the site says "Rated 13+ for rebellious vulgarity," but I did not get it in the audio.

The good news is that my ego loves reasons to put more recordings of my voice on things, and therefore I will take it upon myself to start recording & saving warnings that I can use at the beginning and hopefully it won't be long before I have a tag for all occasions. Fair enough?

I'd call that more than fair enough! Thanks Mat!

[Dem]

I must preface this by saying that I've been cruising blithely and happily along with Escape Pod for... probably about half a year or more. Many stories I have loved, some I was indifferent on. None of them prompted me with any thoughts worth posting to the forums.

This one did prompt a thought, and I find myself bursting until I share it here.

Put simply: "Yuck."

I get that it's satire. I don't even really have a problem with all the cursing. I get what it's going for, at least I think so.

I suppose that I'm just not punk or hardcore enough like the characters to enjoy their story.

Me, I have some different one-word descriptors of the characters.

"Jerks" if I'm feeling generous. "Assholes" if I feel like being accurate.

Truly, who is the reader supposed to identify with if they're not a "screw everyone and everything" personality?

And even those who ended up selling out were, truly, about two inches deep as people.

I would have no desire to spend two minutes with these people in real life. I can't believe I spent 20 minutes with them in this story.

Sorry, guys, this one was a miss in my book.

(Sigh, once again Mat Weller and I have different opinions. Ah, well, someday we'll agree.    )

On the plus side, I enjoyed Alasdair's essay - I might just have to check out his book.

-Adam

I had to go back and look at the rating, 'thirteen for rebellious vulgarity'- ruddy Nora! I'm with Adam pretty much. I see what it's trying to do and that it stayed in character the whole way through (as did the episode feedback - good theatre but hoping N is channelling someone a little more agreeable again next time) and that it's supposed to be vile. Well, it succeeded - it was indeed vile, and I'm the one got a telling off for being a bit too sweary in the EP flash comp!

[Dem]

There exists a helpful resource called the rating system. EA 'casts have always used them with great discretion and success, and I respectfully request that the editors continue to do so. For example, a "rated R for language" would have been infinitely appropriate here.


Ehh, the story was irreverent and reasonably funny. I think it was quite successful in what it set out to do, it just happens that brand of humor isn't really my thing. I did think it was hilarious that the aliens noted the band members had "gotten old" as if that was a) avoidable and b) a crime. Great reading though.

Unfortunately, there does not exist a formalized rating system at EA to my knowledge. Mur made an effort to make mention of things at the beginnings of episodes, and we did talk about a project for formalizing it a long time ago, but it never developed. I will take the heat for this one because I've probably taken it for granted as something the editor handles and I didn't give it the right attention post-transition. I did manage to get an EXPLICIT tag on the file itself and the post on the site says "Rated 13+ for rebellious vulgarity," but I did not get it in the audio.

The good news is that my ego loves reasons to put more recordings of my voice on things, and therefore I will take it upon myself to start recording & saving warnings that I can use at the beginning and hopefully it won't be long before I have a tag for all occasions. Fair enough?

I'd call that more than fair enough! Thanks Mat!

Yep that would do it. I'm not saying I wouldn't listen, I just like a little bit of consideration in case I really wouldn't. If I'd been a first timer to EP, I might not have been back

[ioscode]

This story had me laughing several times, it was silly at time, almost always ridiculous,  and great.  Loved the way it ended with Red too.

[samuel5@thegrinningwizards.com]

Ok, Ok, Fuck. I am crying here.

Punk Voyager was awesome. I literally laughed out loud when Bonesaw's real name turned out to be Reginald Bonesaw. My asshole office mates gave me a dirty look, so I punched them in the dicks. Big bonus points to Nancy Reagan for punching the aliens in the dicks. That scene is a gem not to be forgotten.

Once the rocket was made out of beer cans and paper clips, I stopped caring about the scieny whiny stuff. We were in for a ride. Fuck it, sometimes you just need a good fun story.

This is a very strong number 2 against my favorite "Exhalation". Sorry "Conversations with and about my Electric Toothbrush." you're number 3 now. Like it or get punched in the dick.

-drFLoyd5

[Unblinking]

Didn't really care for it.  I didn't mind the vulgarity or implausibility, but the characters were all just so annoying.  It felt like a parody written about a punk who was making up a wish-fulfillment story. (I add the parody part because it seems like it's making fun of the punks rather than telling it fully from their point of view).
 
I admit I did laugh out loud at the reveal of Bonesaw's real name.  That was a damned good joke.

[dromeda]

Fuckin' A, man. That is some seriously high-class, top-notch cockpunchery you got going there. Best fuckin' episode in a long-ass time. It seems to be the kind of thing you either really really love or really really hate, depending on if you ever went through a punk phase or not. Obviously I did, and so did Shaenon. This was amazing.

[timprov]

I didn't mind the cursing in the story, I understand that's the character and that's how he talks.  I also enjoyed the punk aliens, that was really funny how the leaders of the world and the media was trying to get something meaningful out of first contact and it just wasn't there.  It was a hell of a fun story, one of the better one's I've listened too on EP.

But, here is where I had the issue.  The cursing in the story was fine, but did we really need it in the Intro, outro, and comments?  I just didn't seem professional to me and, even if I don't like the story, I at least like how the intro, outros and comments usually fall on the professional side.  I felt I needed to clean my ears when I got home from listening.  I thought I had maybe missed a warning about language at the start but nope, it wasn't there, should have been there but it wasn't.

[benjaminjb]

I enjoyed it all, including the in-character episode feedback by Nathaniel Lee, though I sympathize with people who wanted a little more warning and a little respite from the anti-social tendencies of punk.

I'm also kind of obsessed with the Voyager records, which is why my webcomic group is named after it (http://www.voyagercomicsonline.com/) (end plug), so this story hit a nice spot: as fascinating (and frankly, appropriate) as it is that American music is represented by three African-Americans and the Navajo, I can't help but want to send out a copy of Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Though as the first commenter noted, I had trouble imagining Nancy "Just Say No" Reagan as easy-going enough to accept a punch as an acceptable diplomatic act. Maybe Betty Ford or Jackie Kennedy would, but the only First Lady I'd really want to see punch aliens is Eleanor Roosevelt. She'd just wreck 'em.

[Scattercat]

It seems to be the kind of thing you either really really love or really really hate, depending on if you ever went through a punk phase or not.

I dunno.  I loved it to pieces (I was not drafted to read it; I insisted.), and I'm approximately as punk or hard-edge as a Nilla Wafer.  I mean, I've had my CD of The Ramones since I was 12, but I'm really more of a Weird Al guy in general.  My rebellious phase was mostly directed at my peers rather than the authorities.

---

I apologize as far as the language; I confess I assumed we'd have a warning in front of the episode just due to the sheer gratuity.  On the flip side, I figured that if someone made it all the way through the story without melting, they'd probably be able to handle an f-bomb in the feedback segment.  :-P

[acpracht]

There exists a helpful resource called the rating system. EA 'casts have always used them with great discretion and success, and I respectfully request that the editors continue to do so. For example, a "rated R for language" would have been infinitely appropriate here.


Ehh, the story was irreverent and reasonably funny. I think it was quite successful in what it set out to do, it just happens that brand of humor isn't really my thing. I did think it was hilarious that the aliens noted the band members had "gotten old" as if that was a) avoidable and b) a crime. Great reading though.

Unfortunately, there does not exist a formalized rating system at EA to my knowledge. Mur made an effort to make mention of things at the beginnings of episodes, and we did talk about a project for formalizing it a long time ago, but it never developed. I will take the heat for this one because I've probably taken it for granted as something the editor handles and I didn't give it the right attention post-transition. I did manage to get an EXPLICIT tag on the file itself and the post on the site says "Rated 13+ for rebellious vulgarity," but I did not get it in the audio.

The good news is that my ego loves reasons to put more recordings of my voice on things, and therefore I will take it upon myself to start recording & saving warnings that I can use at the beginning and hopefully it won't be long before I have a tag for all occasions. Fair enough?

I'd call that more than fair enough! Thanks Mat!

Yep that would do it. I'm not saying I wouldn't listen, I just like a little bit of consideration in case I really wouldn't. If I'd been a first timer to EP, I might not have been back

I don't mind vulgarity personally, but I do often have podcasts playing with my young children around. So it's nice to have a heads up before the first F-bomb falls so I can switch to "Stuff You Should Know" or "Science Friday."

[Kaa]

This was one of my least favorite episodes, ever. Note that I didn't just say "stories," but "episodes." Because I include Norm's intro and Nathan's feedback segment for "Marley and Cratchitt" in my assessment.

The story itself did absolutely nothing for me. It started off with one-dimensional characters I hated behaving like people I can't stand doing things I find useless at best. And they basically kept doing it. And all the nods to 80s personalities got old after about the third one. As someone else said above, it was essentially a one-liner...that went on for 33 minutes. It moved from one predictable scene to the next. The only thing I didn't predict was that only one member of the band left Earth with the predictably punk aliens.

And while I certainly don't mind profanity, it was so over-the-top and pointless, here, that it became grating very fast.

The gratuitous profanity in both the intro and Nathan's segment started off mildly cute and then rapidly sped into off-putting. I get what they were going for, and they succeeded: it captured the same "Fucking fuck you, you fucking fuck! Fuck!" voice as the story. Maybe if it had been a story I actually liked, it wouldn't have made me react so negatively.

I didn't even have the patience to listen to Alasdair's essay because I was just so done with this episode by that point, I scrolled to the end.

[Unblinking]

But, here is where I had the issue.  The cursing in the story was fine, but did we really need it in the Intro, outro, and comments?  I just didn't seem professional to me and, even if I don't like the story, I at least like how the intro, outros and comments usually fall on the professional side.  I felt I needed to clean my ears when I got home from listening.  I thought I had maybe missed a warning about language at the start but nope, it wasn't there, should have been there but it wasn't.

I generally like the themed spin in the episode comments at the end, but for me there was too much of a clash between the 80s punk persona and the story that was being feedbacked... fedbeck... something like that.  I'm probably more aware of it because it was my story being fedback.  (That was my first story to have feedback on a podcast, so that was cool nonetheless)

[rider]

I couldn't help imagining Jello Biafra rolling in his grave over this one.  (yes, i know he's not dead yet!)
Of course, wasn't that part of being a punk?  Fun story, did enjoy the way it ended; sell outs need not apply.

[FireTurtle]

The story didnt real "do it" for me. I found it entertaining as a sort of "fuck you" to all those science stories with the uber smart people making all the good calls. Kind of like Peeps. Fluffy, funny, maybe a little amusing that they even exist, but probably not really a good idea to eat.

That said, I LOVED the themed outro. I was laughing hysterically in the car as I arrived at work.

[KenK]

Haw. He said "cock punching"! 

[DKT]

Just wanted to pop in and say, I enjoyed the hell out of this story. I thought the scene on the beach, and the constant retreads, was great, but when the aliens landed and cockpunched Reagan and Bush, I burst out laughing and that was it for me. It had a very Wild Stallions vibe going on, but with a punk spin that I found very fun.

I can see how people who didn't like the story were predisposed not to like the feedback (or the rest of Norm's host spot), but I thought Nathan's feedback was hilarious.

(BTW, nice reading, Nathan.)

[Scattercat]

Thanks, Dave!

I know the story was set in California, but somehow, to me, punks all talk like they're from New York/New Jersey.  I was battling my accent instincts all the way through.

[Talia]

Fantastic, all around. I always enjoy it when the anonymous narrator becomes a character and and of itself. Makes it more personal-like.

The bit with Nancy Reagan was hilarious.

And I disagree about Peeps. I think they're an EXCELLENT thing to eat! (... in limited quantities). Mmmm, neon marshmellowy goodness.

[Unblinking]

And I disagree about Peeps. I think they're an EXCELLENT thing to eat! (... in limited quantities). Mmmm, neon marshmellowy goodness.

I knew I liked you for a reason. 

[Cutter McKay]

And I disagree about Peeps. I think they're an EXCELLENT thing to eat! (... in limited quantities). Mmmm, neon marshmellowy goodness.

I knew I liked you for a reason. 

Ever tried roasting Peeps over a campfire? The sugarcoated exterior caramelizes while the marshmallow center melts. It is the ULTIMATE in Peep enjoyment, and campfire roasting for that matter. The only thing that even compares is roasted Starburst, though the Peeps are better.

[Scumpup]

Never roasted a peep.  I've roasted those little cornish game hens, but I guess despite the vague small chicken connection, it isn't the same.  Roasted starburst?  How is that not like a glob of molten, fruity tar?

[Cutter McKay]

Roasted starburst?  How is that not like a glob of molten, fruity tar?

That's exactly what it is. Molten, fruity, delicious, tar. Just be careful not to roast them too long or they'll melt right off the stick, 

[Kaa]

Roasted Peeps? You haven't tasted a proper S'mores until you've made one with a Peep and some dark chocolate.

And when I say "proper" I mean that they're so unbelievably sweet that your teeth actually make a sound as they dissolve away. Serving size: One. Per ever.

[Unblinking]

Roasted Peeps? You haven't tasted a proper S'mores until you've made one with a Peep and some dark chocolate.

And when I say "proper" I mean that they're so unbelievably sweet that your teeth actually make a sound as they dissolve away. Serving size: One. Per ever.

Roasted Peeps and Peeps Smores are now on my list of things to eat. 

[knigget]

Ultimately, here is what it boils down to:

It didn't suck. Totally. Like, you're driving along listening to it and there's no desire to slam the EJECT button (the one for the seat, not for the disk) repeatedly, or chew through the seat belt to get out of earshot, or even to skip it and go on to the next mp3.

[RKG]

Fun story and it reminded me of this: http://snlfirstfive.tumblr.com/post/1195720481

That's a win-win in my book.

[CryptoMe]

I am totally ambivalent about this story. There was soooo much that sucked about it; unbelievable science, douche bag characters, over-the-top gratuitous swearing, and a bit too long, to name just a few. But, the cock punches were funny.

[Scattercat]

No matter the occasion, it's always the right time for a punch to the cock.

[matweller]

I am totally ambivalent about this story. There was soooo much that sucked about it; unbelievable science, douche bag characters, over-the-top gratuitous swearing, and a bit too long, to name just a few. But, the cock punches were funny.

To paraphrase: "All of this was SO beneath me, except the dick jokes, they were spot-on!" Verbal irony is so beautiful.

[Cutter McKay]

I am totally ambivalent about this story. There was soooo much that sucked about it; unbelievable science, douche bag characters, over-the-top gratuitous swearing, and a bit too long, to name just a few. But, the cock punches were funny.

To paraphrase: "All of this was SO beneath me, except the dick jokes, they were spot-on!" Verbal irony is so beautiful.

Where's the Facebook "Like" button again?

[Max e^{i pi}]

I am totally ambivalent about this story. There was soooo much that sucked about it; unbelievable science, douche bag characters, over-the-top gratuitous swearing, and a bit too long, to name just a few. But, the cock punches were funny.

To paraphrase: "All of this was SO beneath me, except the dick jokes, they were spot-on!" Verbal irony is so beautiful.

Where's the Facebook "Like" button again?

Right here.

[FeloniusMonk]

I liked it!
Douchebag characters, ridiculous science and slightly incoherent timeline all added to the feel of an ageing punk, mostly reformed but still with a seething core of unidirectional anger, sitting in a bar and telling his one really cool story.
Other than adding +1 for cock punches I loved the line "where did they get plutonium? Around, fuck off!” That was what really put me in the position of listening to someone tell a cool story rather than listening to a literary tale.

[Cutter McKay]

I am totally ambivalent about this story. There was soooo much that sucked about it; unbelievable science, douche bag characters, over-the-top gratuitous swearing, and a bit too long, to name just a few. But, the cock punches were funny.

To paraphrase: "All of this was SO beneath me, except the dick jokes, they were spot-on!" Verbal irony is so beautiful.

Where's the Facebook "Like" button again?

Right here.

Dear Lord, these are awful. Why would anyone buy these? And why am I tempted to buy them myself?

[Listener]

No matter the occasion, it's always the right time for a punch to the cock.

This is now in the queue of my quote blog. It was too good not to include.

[SF.Fangirl]

Wow!  I am very much in the minority because I am very "meh" about this episode.  Definitely didn't like it.  Didn't hate it either.  Wasn't even tempted to stop listening but I kept waiting for something to happen.  I was mildly amused on a few occasions, but overall it wasn't particularly funny either.

[Biscuit]

Been a loooong time since I've commented on a story but I just wanted to say:

Cock and Tit Punches for all!

(this story had me weeping with laughter at my desk, you douchebags)

[Gamercow]

If I had read it, I probably would have done my best Vyv from the Young Ones impression.  But it was an excellent narration nonetheless.  I was actually pretty ambivalent about the story itself, I had hoped to hear more from the genius scientist, but she "was never heard from again".  Oh well. 

Oh, and peeps en flambe are excellent.  Haven't tried peep smores yet.

[LaShawn]

Congratulations EP. You just forced me to do my first spittake. Then my coworkers came over wondering if I was alright and seeing that I work at a Christian organization, I couldn’t really tell them that I was choking on the image of Nancy Reagan punching aliens in their cocks, and that my tears were tears of joy.

Although I abhor punk rock music, there is a part of me that is a closet anarchist, and this story spoke to that. I think the reading made all the difference on this. Well done, Nathaniel. This gave me a much needed laugh.

[DKT]

So, LaShawn, what you're saying is...cockpunch the Christian organizations, then ask them out for beer afterwards?

[CryptoMe]

And again, the forum comments are better than the story. I'm laughing so hard there are tears streaming down my face!
Thanks all. You're great!

[HeyMrP]

So, this is the first story that made me motivated enough to bother signing up and commenting.
It was hilarious. I laughed all the way to work. I guess I'm immature enough that a good old fashioned
cock punching still makes me laugh.

[Gary]

This story was brilliant in the way it captured the essence of every "punk" I knew from that time.
They were bored and angry and not really sure what they were angry about so they just lashed out at EVERYTHING including each other ... just because.

[childoftyranny]

Alas, I'm on the side of simply finding this story annoying, the whole punk ethos just tends to make me groan, the writing of the story and the narration were fantastic though. It captures punk fairly well, in my opinion, and I don't know that if its parody or not matters, because it really wouldn't be punk to take punk too seriously. Yes, I called it, metapunk.

I'm pretty sure the essay including Firefly was in this episode, if I'm wrong, this will just look silly!
I'm also in a minority amongst geeks in that I just didn't like Firefly, I think I'm the only person I know for who that is true, and I quite enjoy the space-cowboy genre. Maybe I should watch the first two episodes again just to check if maybe my mood was off when I tried it.

Its sort of sad that its takes thought to log in here because I accidently spelled my username wrong when I first made the account... it is possible to spell your name wrong.

[Agent_137]

I really enjoyed this story, and I laughed throughout the entire episode. Something I needed after all the heavy stuff lately.

I'd enjoy it if Nathan read all future comment summaries in his punk voice.

[Keffy]

Listened to this one a while ago, but loved it! And I don't even care if that means I'm immature. (I am.)

[Unblinking]

I'd enjoy it if Nathan read all future comment summaries in his punk voice.

I wouldn't.

[Scattercat]

Fuckin' A, man, what is it with you, you want I should kick you inna head or something?  Fuuuck.  ;-)

[ancawonka]

I wouldn't have expected Nathan, who sometimes hesitates when reading comments, to sound so confident and ... punk.  I really enjoyed this one (so much so, that I listened to it twice, which doesn't happen very often since there is so much podcasting and so little time...)

[hardware]

OK, so there was fun to be found here, the F**k Y** attitude is well captured. I liked it the best while they were at the beach, just being their punky selfs. Just as there is something endearing with that attitude in someone young, there is something pretty sad about an adult adopting the same attitude, which made the latter part leave a somewhat stale taste in my mouth. I was also surprised that the feedback was in the style of this weeks story, not the story that was being commented. That didn't work so well for me.

[Fenrix]

I'm somewhat surprised by the unironic hate this piece has received. Escape Pod has always encompassed the "Have Fun" motto for me, and I think the stories I like the best over here are the ones that really inhabit that mantra. This story was fun. Keep up the good work, Escape Pod, and punch the world in the cock while you're at it.

[quasidoza]

Saw this story near the top of the comments and had a smile on my face remembering it - I did like it, in work was often tempted to say let's just punch them in the cock but I didn't (out loud).