Destroying the journal is a symbolic act, but one with really profound resonance for her. She has poured YEARS of herself into it, and giving it up -- the correspondence with Paige which requires her to be friends with Paige -- qualifies as giving up a self. Not only because she's functionally ending a period of her life where she had this certainty informing it, but also because the things she wrote will never inhabit another person; in never having reached Paige, all the things she's lived and observed and articulated in that journal are gone for good. She doesn't get to keep them herself, and she doesn't get to give them to anyone but the river and the Peri Border Agency.
I get where you were going with that, and other people seem to be okay with it, it just seemed false to me.
For me the title just keeps reminding me of this as well, even though that's not what you intended by the title. I see the title "Hollow Play", and I think "Oh yeah, that's the story about the bluff sacrifice that somehow works". It's possible that if I hadn't already had that association in the title that I wouldn't be reminded me of my interpretation of it every time I come back to this story thread.
Also, FWIW, the way I imagined the sacrifice in question working for Emily is that glimpsing Paige is part of it. While this isn't stated outright, my thought was that if Emily DID ask Lynette to bring Paige over, the gate would shut, Kel would still be stuck in one form in this dimension (though that form might be somewhat altered), and Emily wouldn't have her journal. It was an Orpheus-not-turning-back moment, and she didn't turn back. She THOUGHT she was giving Paige up in order to find her, but in fact she was giving her up in order to have the chance to KNOWINGLY give her up. Coz that's how this magic works.
Now THAT, I dig. Part of the issue I'd had with it from the beginning (whether I articulated this well or not) is that although she does end up losing her friend in the end, at the time of the sacrifice she doesn't KNOW that she's cutting ties forever--she's trying to cheat the sacrifice and apparently there is the opportunity for this cheat to work.
As I was listening to the story, though, I didn't think that was a possibility. As far as I could discern, once the door is open the door is open. Sort of a no-takebacks kind of situation, you know? It would've helped me get into the ending, a lot, if it were clear that the door COULD shut after it opens if she went back on the sacrifice--maybe by mentioning a time where such a thing had happened before or something. Anyway, I like the story more with your comment in mind, though taking the story in the wild as it were, I wouldn't have heard that.
I'd also point out that Emily's sobbing and shattered by the end of this, so, y'know, any notion that this sacrifice is good for her rather than excruciatingly painful is kind of a false dichotomy.
I don't think I made that dichotomy, though maybe you're referring to someone else. Grieving sucks. There's no two ways about it. And grieving the loss of a friend who hasn't actually died is not so different in many ways from grieving a death. But grieving is, in the long run, a beneficial process that allows you to heal. So, yes, it is both painful and beneficial. If I said anything that contradicted this statement previously, I didn't intend to.
She's gained absolutely nothing from this transaction;
I disagree. She thinks at the time of the transaction that she has gained nothing, sure, I can buy that. But she has been living in constant anxiety and denial and dull but constant emotional pain for quite some time, wondering why her friend has made herself unreachable. Without the intrusion of magic in her life, I get the impression she could go on with this indefinitely, maybe ruining future romantic relationships, overshadowing everything in her life. With the magic she has gotten rid of the ongoing and indefinite poisonous anxiety and doubt, and traded it for a period of intense but healthy grieving. Of course she'll remember her friend for the rest of her life, but I feel that she can reach a healthy equilibrium in regards to the severed connection, allowed the wound to heal rather than picking at the festering cut on a daily basis. And I think that even if you ignore the inclusion of the letter from Anna which she knows nothing about yet, but which supports the idea that her life will go on and she can find happy times and new relationships in the absence of the old ones.
So, I'd say she's gained everything from this transaction. She's gained an entire open future, rather than a claustrophobic and doubt-ridden kennel she'd penned herself in.
