Books that never were

[sayeth]

This week's Escape Pod story "Impossible Dreams," about movies that never were, got me thinking about books that never were.  While trying to remember some of the imaginary book in the Library of Dreams in Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics, I stumbled upon this lengthy Wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fictional_books

If you found a library card to another dimention, what books would you like to check out? These books can be real books that were lost or never finished, books that you wish real authors had written, fictional books referenced in other works, or even reference books from alternate (or future) worlds.

Please write the titles of books, not just the description. It's one thing to say "Gee, I wish Robert E. Howard had written another Conan novel", but it works the imagination more to say "With my interdimentional library card, I'd check out a copy of Conan in R'lyeh."

[SFEley]

The Voynich Manuscript, 
English Translation (with Annotations by the 18th Lord Dunsany).

[FNH]

"The Destruction of Weathertop" BY J.R.R. Tolkien
 

[Simon Painter]

Titus Awakes by Mervyn Peake

[Thaurismunths]

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy published by Megadodo Publications

[SFEley]

Titus Awakes by Mervyn Peake

Ooooh.

[Anarkey]

Oh sayeth, I love this idea!  Thank you for starting this thread.

First I'd check out Lewis Carrol's "Through the Attic Door, Alice's return to Wonderland"

Then I'd borrow that book Borges' wrote about, but whose author remains a mystery "The Book of Sand".

That might keep me busy for a while.  Let's hope there's no overdue fines at the Interdimensional Library.

For lighter fare, I'd also check out the BONE-like ubertome (1300 pages!) of Jeff Nicholson's "Colonia".  Sadly, in this world, we only have about three hundred pages so far.  Draw faster, Nicholson!

I'd track down and borrow that book of collaborative short stories between Poe and Bradbury "Blacker than night, lighter than air".  Swirls of optimism and pessimism, terror and delight in equal measure, outer space and closed tombs, bright-lit circuses and dark ruinous houses, all re-shuffled and re-dealt like an everwhirling kaleidoscope.

I'd then get the Gene Wolfe annotated and explicated version of his story "Seven American Nights".

Man, I could seriously go on here, so I'd better stop.

[ClintMemo]

I'd track down and borrow that book of collaborative short stories between Poe and Bradbury "Blacker than night, lighter than air".  Swirls of optimism and pessimism, terror and delight in equal measure, outer space and closed tombs, bright-lit circuses and dark ruinous houses, all re-shuffled and re-dealt like an everwhirling kaleidoscope.

Excellent!

[ClintMemo]

"How to make money and influence people" - by L. Ron Hubbard. 

and it's companion book

"Dianetics for Dummies" by Tom Cruise.

(sorry, couldn't resist    )

[DKT]

I'd then get the Gene Wolfe annotated and explicated version of his story "Seven American Nights".

I could use a companion to several of the things I've read by Wolfe, but it'd have to start with his Book of the New Sun. 

I know Neil Gaiman keeps saying he'll write the Seven Sisters one day (the sequel to Neverwhere), but color me doubtful.  I'd buy that one at the midnight sale.

[FNH]

Son of White Fang - Jack London

The Bumper Book of Escape Pod stories for Bedtime - Edited by SFEley

[Listener]

I think it would be very cool to read some of the better Harry Potter fanfic authors (DON'T LAUGH, I know I'm a dork) writing adult-level HP fiction.

My thought is that, after Book 7, Rowling and Scholastic/Bloomsbury/whomever open the world of HP to write about other magical stuff -- in that world, but not with any of the known characters except being referenced in passing.  Let other writers write for both kids and adults -- not porn or anything, but stuff that might be too dark for kids because of subject matter.

Also, the post-Narcissus in Chains Anita Blake books written by someone with a little more eye toward the plot and a little less eye toward the sex.  Don't get me wrong, I like the sex, but she's gone way overboard.

[Anarkey]

I'd then get the Gene Wolfe annotated and explicated version of his story "Seven American Nights".

I could use a companion to several of the things I've read by Wolfe, but it'd have to start with his Book of the New Sun. 

I'd read commentary on any of his works true, but "Seven American Nights" drives me crazy because I have specific questions that I've never been able to figure out the answer to, though I'm certain (because c'mon, it's Gene Wolfe) that the answer is in there.

[Mr. Tweedy]

I would pay $100 to read "Resurrection Gate" by Alasdair Reynolds.  I absolutely devoured "Revelation Space", "Redemption Ark" and "Absolution Gap."  The world-building was fantastic, the science was hard and plausible, the plot was tense and twisty, the whole thing dripped with a wonderfully dark atmosphere, the characters were real and empathetic, the adventure was thick and fast and each crisis built on the next, drawing me in deeper and deeper until BAM!  The last book suddenly stopped with most of the ends still loose and the conflicts unresolved.  A cheesy, cop-out epilog was tacked onto the end to try to make up for the conspicuous lack of a fourth book.  I actually threw "Gap" in disgust when I finished it.

I'm guessing Reynolds intended for the series to be longer, but his publisher truncated it at three, because of poor sales or something.

Reynolds, if you're reading this, write "Resurrection Gate!"  Or just send me the notes you probably already wrote for it.  I must know what happens!

[stePH]

I'd like to read Telemachus Sneezed by Atlanta Hope.  It's described in the Illuminatus! trilogy by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson.

[qwints]

My favorite from the list are:
# Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes by Oolon Colluphid
# Who Is This God Person Anyway? by Oolon Colluphid
# Well That About Wraps It Up for God by Oolon Colluphid

To that I would add.
Dirk Gently and the Invisible Couch by Douglas Adams.
He loved deadlines, but he had far too few of them

[eytanz]

I would pay $100 to read "Resurrection Gate" by Alasdair Reynolds.  I absolutely devoured "Revelation Space", "Redemption Ark" and "Absolution Gap."  The world-building was fantastic, the science was hard and plausible, the plot was tense and twisty, the whole thing dripped with a wonderfully dark atmosphere, the characters were real and empathetic, the adventure was thick and fast and each crisis built on the next, drawing me in deeper and deeper until BAM!  The last book suddenly stopped with most of the ends still loose and the conflicts unresolved.  A cheesy, cop-out epilog was tacked onto the end to try to make up for the conspicuous lack of a fourth book.  I actually threw "Gap" in disgust when I finished it.

I'm guessing Reynolds intended for the series to be longer, but his publisher truncated it at three, because of poor sales or something.

Reynolds, if you're reading this, write "Resurrection Gate!"  Or just send me the notes you probably already wrote for it.  I must know what happens!

Heh. I loved Revelation Space and really liked Redemption Ark (though it did suffer from sequel-related change of tone - the world building seemed inconsistent in a lot of subtle ways between the two books). I really, really adored Chasm City. That is one brilliant book. But I hated Absolution Gap, which seemed to be a fifty page story stretched out for no good reason. I took the abrupt ending to be a mercy killing. The story should have ended a lot sooner, or gone down another path.

I'm curious as to where you get the title for the putative sequel, though - was one ever planned? Or did you come up with it? It does sound right, but I never heard it before.

[eytanz]

I'd read commentary on any of his works true, but "Seven American Nights" drives me crazy because I have specific questions that I've never been able to figure out the answer to, though I'm certain (because c'mon, it's Gene Wolfe) that the answer is in there.

Probably, but (also because it's Gene Wolfe), he'll never tell.

[DKT]

I really, really adored Chasm City. That is one brilliant book.

That book blew me away.  I kept thinking there was no way it was going to tie together in the end.  And then it did.  Absolutely fantastic.  I need to check out more of the guy's stuff sometime.

[Listener]

I would love to read the Anita Blake books that SHOULD have come after "Blue Moon".  That was the last one where (a) the number of characters were manageable and (b) it wasn't all about what new powers Anita would get in THIS book.

Also, I'm curious to see what a real editor would've done to the book I self-published (which will never ever EVER be linked here because it was HORRIBLE).

[stePH]

I would love to read the Anita Blake books that SHOULD have come after "Blue Moon".  That was the last one where (a) the number of characters were manageable and (b) it wasn't all about what new powers Anita would get in THIS book.

On that note, I'd like to have read the fifth through seventh volumes of "The Dark Tower" that Stephen King should have written to bring it to a satisfying conclusion.  Something that kept the concept of the Tower as a cosmic lynchpin of space, time, and scale that was touched upon near the end of the first book.

[DKT]

I would love to read the Anita Blake books that SHOULD have come after "Blue Moon".  That was the last one where (a) the number of characters were manageable and (b) it wasn't all about what new powers Anita would get in THIS book.

On that note, I'd like to have read the fifth through seventh volumes of "The Dark Tower" that Stephen King should have written to bring it to a satisfying conclusion.  Something that kept the concept of the Tower as a cosmic lynchpin of space, time, and scale that was touched upon near the end of the first book.

Ah, the first book.  Hey, if you're going to go that far, I wouldn't mind reading 2-4 as something that was more in tone with that first book

[stePH]

I would love to read the Anita Blake books that SHOULD have come after "Blue Moon".  That was the last one where (a) the number of characters were manageable and (b) it wasn't all about what new powers Anita would get in THIS book.

On that note, I'd like to have read the fifth through seventh volumes of "The Dark Tower" that Stephen King should have written to bring it to a satisfying conclusion.  Something that kept the concept of the Tower as a cosmic lynchpin of space, time, and scale that was touched upon near the end of the first book.

Ah, the first book.  Hey, if you're going to go that far, I wouldn't mind reading 2-4 as something that was more in tone with that first book

Well, I loved the first four books, each one better than the previous.  I just think King totally lost it between parts four and five.  I think he lost interest and just phoned it in to get the Constant Readers off his back.

[DKT]

That could be.  I still have to read the last two.  But for me (and I know I'm in a very small minority) nothing has matched The Gunslinger's brutality.

[eytanz]

That could be.  I still have to read the last two.  But for me (and I know I'm in a very small minority) nothing has matched The Gunslinger's brutality.

I'm part of the same minority. Books 2-4 were good, but book 1 was something special. Never bothered picking up books 5-7.