when man becomes machine...

[RichGarner]

I have posted a short excerpt from a series I created called Metalface. Metalface is the politically correct term for a person who has transferred his living soul into a robotic body... never again to join the human race.

This short excerpt takes place after an attack by a group of evil metalface, called vectorons. The protective metalface are called servites.

Please let me know what you think.

http://www.metalface.net/pmwiki.php/Main/HauntingMemory

[Rachel Swirsky]

Standard disclaimer forthcoming:

Please bear in mind that posting your work in a public location counts as first publication rights and may affect your ability to later attempt to market or sell your work. If you are concerned about that, I suggest you take the piece down as soon as possible.

[RichGarner]

Standard disclaimer forthcoming:

Please bear in mind that posting your work in a public location counts as first publication rights and may affect your ability to later attempt to market or sell your work. If you are concerned about that, I suggest you take the piece down as soon as possible.

This work has been published for over seven years now. Not too concerned about that. But thanks.

[clichekiller]

Standard disclaimer forthcoming:

Please bear in mind that posting your work in a public location counts as first publication rights and may affect your ability to later attempt to market or sell your work. If you are concerned about that, I suggest you take the piece down as soon as possible.

For someone clueless about the business and how it works could you give a very brief explanation of first publication rights?

[RichGarner]

Professional publishers will pay for "First Publication Rights" meaning that their publication of your work is the first (and often ONLY) version of your work that can be found. For example... If Issac Asimov wrote Caves of Steel and published it in several science fiction magazines, no publisher would buy it because it has already been published. The magazine issues are considered the "first publication" of Caves of Steel and anyone who buys the magazine can read it.No publisher will spend time and money on a work that has already been published because there is a less chance of consumers purchasing the work.

In today's world, the internet is a form of publication. If you post your novel on the web (like in your blog or downloadable in a pdf file) this counts as first publication and no publisher will buy your work because it has already been published.

Publishers want to spend money on works that noone can get anywhere else. If you post them on the internet, you will not be able to sell them to publishers.

[ClintMemo]

Publishers want to spend money on works that noone can get anywhere else. If you post them on the internet, you will not be able to sell them to publishers.

That's been the business model forever, but some people, like Scott Sigler, are doing things that fly in the face of that.

[Rachel Swirsky]

Absolutely. But it's rare.

(and while I support any writer who would choose to do it, I do feel they shoul dknow what they're getting into -- whereas most of the time when I find people posting their work for free, they don't understand what rights are at all.)

[RichGarner]

I've had a card game published and a roleplaying game published and the money from both was minimal. Not interested in making money off writing. It's just a hobby for me now.

[Rachel Swirsky]

I thought the conversation had moved from being about you to being more general. I didn't mean to imply that you didn't know what you're doing. I apologize for coming across as if I did.

[RichGarner]

Sorry. I tend to do that sometimes.

But I suppose for some writers out there, perfecting their craft (or at least developing it) requires some free work. If you are just starting out, it might be a good idea to release some short stories just to get some feedback. Just don't release anything you would like to make money off of.

But for others, running their work up the proverbial flagpole is not as important as making some extra money. For those, I would hope they already have a good idea of how the business works or at least they are prepared for some disappointments.

[Rachel Swirsky]

Sure. I'd just note that it's not necessary to put work up in public places to get feedback -- actually, I would guess that it's directly counterproductive. For $50/yr, you can join the Online Writing Workshop. For free, you can get crits at Critters. Neither way involves giving away your work.

I just generally think it's a bad idea for beginning writers -- who someday want to be professionals -- to put their bad work online. It gets google archived. If people read it, they learn to associate your name with poor work (because being posted online reads like publication).

And I'm not sure who the pool of readers is supposed to be, for self-published, admittedly first draft fiction. I mean, if I want to read great fiction, I can go over to Strange Horizons and read for free, stuff that's polished and chosen by intelligent editors. I could listen to Escape Pod. I also think most working writers have our own critique groups, so we're unlikely to traipse over to someone's site to give advice. I glanced once, read a paragraph, and replied, "Please proofread."

Beginning writers are best served by finding people who are slighlty better than they are, and getting critique from them. I am not convinced that those people are to be found reading self-published sites on the internet -- not when there are free online critique groups that offer such services in a private space.

[RichGarner]

Understood. But the original purpose of the post was to get feedback on the content... story and premise... not so much the prose and structure.

But good points.

[Thaurismunths]

Understood. But the original purpose of the post was to get feedback on the content... story and premise... not so much the prose and structure.

But good points.

Well, there's kind of a problem with that, and I think Palimpsest did answer your question.
The problem is that it's your story. You should know what your characters do, where they come from, how they act, and what happens in the end. No one out side your skull can help you with that. If you don't know what's going on in your fictional world, maybe you should sit down with a note pad and paper and do a little pre-writing so you better understand your world; otherwise this won't be your story, but a collaborative effort.
What Palimpsest was getting at is that you can ask reviewers to help you express your world, but not shape it. They can help guide you from A to B to C, but they can't (or at least shouldn't) tell you what A and B are, or if there should be a C, which is what it sounds like you're asking of us.
Also, this forum seems to be focused on writers and writing, but not on the written. Your story is definitely SF, and this is an SF forum, but the kind of review you're looking for might be better sought in one of the feedback sites mentioned above in this post..

[Planish]

Metalface is the politically correct term for a person who has transferred his living soul into a robotic body... never again to join the human race.

This short excerpt takes place after an attack by a group of evil metalface, called vectorons. The protective metalface are called servites.

I'm afraid that if I read just that much on a back cover I'd put it right back on the shelf, thinking it to be aimed at a much, much younger readership than me.
"Metalface", "vectorons", "servites" all sound a bit too anime-ish for me.