I'm afraid I didn't get what this one was going for. The imagery was interesting, but it didn't really come together for me as a story. It kind of felt like a poem, which is a thing I don't understand even though I understand that other people like poems.
If you ever feel like you would like a better handle on what other people see in poetry, I highly recommend the book
The Ode Less Travelled by Stephen Fry. It's actually a 'How to write poetry' book, but he uses tons of examples of existing works to illustrate the principles he talks about.
Even though the book did inspire me, I haven't actually written much poetry since listening to it (the audio version is read by the author and he is an excellent narrator; it's worth listening to just for the experience!), because I don't put aside the time for it (like any other hobby, it requires a certain time investment) but I do have a much greater appreciation for the appeal of poetry to people who like it. (I also don't seek out poetry any more than I did before, but I am able to appreciate it better when it crosses my path.

)