Pseudopod 057: Tenant’s Right

[Jim]

Pseudopod 057: Tenant’s Rights
By Sean Logan

Read by Alasdair Stuart

Albert climbed onto the shelf in his closet and lifted the hatch to the attic. He scanned his immediate surroundings for terrorists and spiders. Clear. He hoisted himself up and crawled along the stealthway to the lockbox hidden under the insulation in Sector Alpha. He removed a small baggie and a vial of liquid, slid them into a secret pouch in the left arm of his trench coat and returned to his room.

He dumped the contents of the baggie into a silver alchemist’s mixing bowl (they said it was a dog’s water dish at the pawn shop, but that seemed unlikely). He looked closely at the fine flaky powder and thought he could detect movement, which made sense, because at a microscopic level were millions of tiny insects. Itching power, the professional kind, illegal in the United States. Those little bugs crawled under the skin and caused unbearable irritation. And when Lance showed up at dinner tomorrow, itching like a mangy dog, there was no way Sally-Ann’s grandparents would want her living in this vermin-ridden hovel with that disease-carrying hobo.

And just to make sure it was effective, Albert implemented the next phase of his plan.

[Russell Nash]

Cringe

This is the most I've cringed at a Pseudopod in a long time.  I don't like strange itches.  I don't like the feeling of a fly or spider walking up my arm.  I don't like when something like a tick tries to get under my skin.  I don't like big bugs.

Cringe

More please.

[coyote247]

Nice little story. Didn't waste more than a sentence on the explaination of the horrific element, but it seemed to work better that way in this case. I'm not sure how I can rationalize a meth dealer inventing a growth horomone that can turn bugs comparatively gigantic in the same seemingly ordinary world as annoying metrosexuals like Lance, but the ridiculousness of the dinner situation and the survivalist ninja-boy made it seem right at home.

[eytanz]

This was a strange story. The imagery and outcome is certainly among the most cringe-worthy of all pseduopod stories. The characterization and descriptions, however, played like an over-the-top 1980s British sitcom. I found it difficult to take the story seriously enough to be actually disturbed by it while I was listening to it, but if I think back to some of the stuff that happened on its own merits and out of context of the rest of the narration, it is quite disturbing indeed.

Can't decide if this means the story worked for me or not.

[Russell Nash]

I actually liked the comedy aspects.  It reminded me of those news items about all the idiots with the Katanas.  Just becasue they've seen a couple of movies and have bought a replica sword, they think they're a ninja.  It had the feel of a sitcom to me, too, but I don't mind a sitcom as long as it's not written on a moron's level.

[sirana]

I once had a roommate like this ... *shudder*

Also: EWWWWWWW

AND: More please!

[eytanz]

I actually liked the comedy aspects.  It reminded me of those news items about all the idiots with the Katanas.  Just becasue they've seen a couple of movies and have bought a replica sword, they think they're a ninja.  It had the feel of a sitcom to me, too, but I don't mind a sitcom as long as it's not written on a moron's level.

I didn't mind it, exactly. It's just that it adds a layer of distance, which sort of insulated me from the creepiness. The "insects under the skin" part works best on a visceral level, where just imagining the idea makes my own skin tingle. It's a very intimate kind of fear. But the style of the story was over the top and felt fake, existing in a world where horrible things happen and we laugh at them. So I had a cognitive dissonance thing going on while I was hearing the story that was more confusing than anything else.

[Leon Kensington]

Wow.  I stand amazed at what PP has brought us this week.  Wow.  I'm never going to be able to have an itch or the feeling of a bug on my body again with screaming.

Story:   9 out of 10                                           Reading:  9 out of 10

[lowky]

bugs under the skin :shudder:

I really liked this story, lance reminded me of a roommate I had in college.  After not wanting to take no for an answer from a girl on our sister floor, turns out she was his Ranger ROTC DI's girlfriend.  He got singled out for alot of little things after that, including not wearing tighty whiteys one time.  Was wearing a Hawaiian print banana hammock as underwear, cause he needed to do laundry. 

[bolddeceiver]

...difficult to take the story seriously enough to be actually disturbed by it while I was listening to it...

Eesh, not actually disturbed by amputation of a bug-infested penis?  You're made of stronger stuff than I.

[Kaa]

While I enjoyed the story on its own merits (who hasn't wanted to do something that evil to a roommate you didn't like? I mean, come on--we've all thought about it!), the only thing that didn't work for me was the reading.  It felt...rushed. Like Alasdair had something else he had to do, was late, and so hurried through the reading in order to make it.  If he'd slowed down just a bit, the entire package would have worked for me.

I also had to rewind and listen to parts of it again to figure out who was talking.  Now, I was driving to work at the time, and this is Atlanta, Georgia, and that may have had something to do with it, but a bit of a larger difference between the characters' voices or maybe a not-so-rushed reading would have made it more enjoyable.

My $0.02.

Oh, and by the way? *CRINGE*  Ouch.

[Russell Nash]

the only thing that didn't work for me was the reading.  It felt...rushed. Like Alasdair had something else he had to do, was late, and so hurried through the reading in order to make it.  If he'd slowed down just a bit, the entire package would have worked for me.

I have to agree with that.  I figured he just needed some seasoning and he'll learn to let it flow more instead of pushing.  However, I do find him very listenable and would like to hear him read more.

[Kaa]

However, I do find him very listenable and would like to hear him read more.

Yeah, I should have added that. I normally find Alasdair's readings enjoyable. This one just...didn't work. For me.

[Chodon]

As someone who once, after a camping trip in the Colorado mountains, found a tick in a very uncomfortable place (the tend toward warm areas...I'll leave it at that) this story really hit pretty close to home.  I was really cringing the whole time.  I loved it!  More please!

[darusha]

Yup, this was a gooder.  Bugs crawling out of still living eye sockets?!  Ergh!  I nearly lost my lunch.  Well done!

I also liked the campy British sitcom sense of it all; Alasdair's voice helped here, I think.  Though I agree that slower would have been better.

[BSWeichsel]

I kept thinking of INFECTION which did it the best.

and the comic nature took me out of it.

[Jim]

I enjoyed this story immensely because of the humor of it blended with grotesque horror, as if Stephen King were to co-write a story with Nigel Planer.

It reminded me of the over-the-top zaniness of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode or two (Albert is definitely cut from the Andrew Wells mold).

[DKT]

Wow, this one really surprised me.  I thought it was hysterical mix of farce and horror and Alasdair's reading really helped with that.  It did remind of Sigler's Infection some, but the comedy in it more than made up for it.  I'd love to hear more stories from the guy who wrote this.

[goatkeeper]

Sigler doesn't get the monopoly on parasites and genital mutilation people!

Great story!!!!

[Listener]

This story was good.  The characters weren't exactly very round, but then, they didn't need to be.  They were well-developed.  The story was suspenseful enough and enjoyable, and the gun on the mantelpiece was used at the end.

If it suffered anywhere, it was from the speed of the reading.  Also, the voices of Lance and Sally-Ann tended to meld together in the beginning.  Alasdair needs more pauses.  But his voicing of Grandma, Grandpa, and Albert was excellent and perfectly fit the characters.  Just... slow down, and remember the value of a good pause.

I wasn't expecting the de-wang-ification.  It was a nice touch.  But also, I feel the reading got a little deadpan, and the lack of pauses hurt that climactic moment.

Overall, though, I liked it.

[DKT]

Could anyone else imagine this as a musical, Evil Dead style?  That would be freaking hilarious. 

[DDog]

I listened to this one while I was shelving books this morning. I should have turned it off when it got to the bit about the fly. I should have known it couldn't go anywhere good from there. I have been attempting in vain to get the imagery out of my head all day (it's some eight hours later).

This story only compares to three previous stories from my childhood on the "curl up in a foetal position and scream if anything touches me ever again" meter. Both when I was about twelve. One was told to me by a friend about a queen ant making a nest in someone's cheek while she was asleep (and the incessant innocent scratching such a thing produced eventually resulting in facial rupture and ants spilling out); one read in a book had something to do with decaying skulls and eels and giant deep-sea fish that I've mostly repressed; and one from Animorphs #10 when Marco morphs into a spider and the particular page features extra eyes popping out described quite eloquently (I had to skip that page whenever I picked up the book afterwards).

I almost threw up at work after first listening to it, then forgot about it over lunch THANK GOD, only to almost throw up again when I started brooding on it during choir a little while later.

Alisdair's reading could have done with some pauses between perspective shifts; it almost sounded as if he'd stopped recording in between episodes and forgotten to leave adequate dead air when resuming. But otherwise I enjoyed his characterization and it didn't take me out of the reading. The marked transition from Lance's initial narcissistic inner monologue to his deadpan pleas for hospital definitely contributed to the horror.

What's funny is that I wasn't really fazed at all by The Mummy's subcutaneous scarab attacks, which went with a literal visual, whereas just listening to this story left me breathy and shaking. Given, the sheer volume of buggies is a factor. And I hope the author is happy if I am never able to look at a penis ever again.

On the one hand, I would like to maintain that I like intellectual horror better than this kind of thing, but I have to admit that this story did exactly what I imagine it was intended to do: give me screaming nightmares. At least, I image that they are waiting to pounce when I go to bed tonight...

As I am working through the trauma writing this post, I do have a few concerns about the story. Would what's-his-face really forget so quickly that he had filled the entire underwear drawer with his cocktail of pain? He is quite clearly insane as the rest of the narrative shows, but still I wonder. And why wouldn't the bugs have gotten out of the drawer and overrun the place? Where did they go afterwards, as the investigating officers clearly weren't set upon. Were the bodies all shriveled just by natural postmortem processes or did the bugs suck the juices out of them?

In short, I agree with the response of previous posters: CRINGE.

[Loz]

Huh, it just goes to show. I assumed I'd be coming to this thread to join in a good old whine over how bad this story was, only to find you all liked it. Really?

For me, this is up there as possibly one of the worst stories Pseudopod has ever put out. Whilst other people seem to have enjoyed the kooky characters I find them unconvincing, that Albert took such a long time to cotton on to the idea that Lance was evicting him I found teeth-gnashingly annoying, I didn't find his belief that if he ruined the lunch that Lance would let him stay on plausible, and as for the grandparents, Monty Python have had more rounded characterisations! And seeing as the first half was just a set-up for a second half consisting of gross-out knob-gags, I can imagine the Farelly brothers standing to one side and shaking their heads sadly as this mess unfolded, it makes their work look like Dostoevsky.

I don't know if I would have liked the story any better if it had been produced better. As has been said already, Alasdair's reading was both too quick but also sounded as though he was reading the story out loud without having read it beforehand.

I'm increasingly coming to think that Pseudopod is not for me, I am a couple of episodes behind at the moment so maybe I'll hear something more to my taste in what's coming up.

[DynamiteDan]

I liked this a lot.

Well, actually i felt sick, which i guess is sort of a compliment!

[wakela]

I'm more with Loz.  The creepy parts were creepy, but the funny parts were dopey.  The parents annoyed me.