A fun little story that was spoiled a bit by being on Pseudopod. Since we knew it had to be a 'horror' story somehow, that strictly limited the number of possible endings. I will admit to being a little surprised by this one; I was expecting an ending that went 'splat.' On the other hand, Lord Rat seems a teensy bit too convenient; I'd have liked it if there were more foreshadowing of him. Like, say, if her initial experiment included a comment about "that big rat, the patriarch of his little clan, him I couldn't catch. I'll get him next time. His wings will be beautiful..." Just something to have him less
rattus ex machina.
Lord Rat's plan also confused me somewhat. It seems almost like a
Xanatos Roulette. I mean, how likely is it that the girl given the textbook for Magic 101 will A) Decide she wants to fly, B) Become successful enough to achieve it, and C) Choose to use rats as test subjects. Oh, and D) Finally succeed directly AFTER the rats, instead of, say, graduating to stray cats and dogs first before trying it herself.
But Scattercat! He's watched closely and chosen a girl who he knows will want to fly.- Given that she doesn't interact well with her parents and doesn't seem to have any friends, I'd ask how he knew that. Okay, fine, he soulgazed her or whatever and saw her innermost desire. It's still hardly a sure thing.
But Scattercat! He probably has several possible mounts selected and she's just the one who succeeded!And he just happened to know that she would succeed tonight. Because of magic, I'm sure. Also, this isn't in the story at all, and I do prefer there to be at least hints of how things worked out rather than relying on pure fabrication on my part.
But Scattercat! He's obviously guiding her along through his Book!- Then we should see more of that in the story. See previous nitpick RE: rattus ex machina.
But Scattercat! He's a magician, so obviously he could shapeshift into whatever he wanted in order to be among her test subjects when she did succeed.- Except she calls him "Lord Rat" and references his "claws" digging into her shoulders. Rats seem to definitely be his 'thing,' at least. Anyway, he's never shown shapeshifting per se in the story, and if I have to invent extra powers for your bad guy to make his plan make sense, then I feel like your bad guy hasn't been successfully conveyed.
Anyway, it's not a dealbreaker, but it bugs me. Foreshadowing, people! Even really really subtle hints work for me.
I was also a bit distracted by the reading; it wasn't bad, exactly, but it felt at times as though Ms. Duckworth were trying just a bit too hard to read a
horror story. Really lingering over some of those word sounds when the words themselves weren't actually all that impressive. I sometimes felt like I was hearing an overly dramatic reading of something inappropriate, like a cookbook. ("And then
chop the onions into
fine pieces before adding them to the
sauce, which should be
simmering nicely now...")
Overall, the "win" outweighs the "meh," but if it didn't involve flying rats (and the off-hand reference to the lotto-ticket-addiction worm), that wouldn't be the case.