Author Topic: Awesome & unique flash fiction contest  (Read 7562 times)

Talia

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on: August 20, 2010, 05:58:00 PM
With a chance to get published in an anthology with the likes of China Mieville, Holly Black, Naomi Novik, Minister Faust, Alan Moore, Cherie Priest, Michael Moorcock, Tad Williams, Ted Chiang, etc.

http://io9.com/5617506/write-a-winning-blog-comment-and-get-published-in-a-book-with-china-mieville-and-naomi-novik



Scattercat

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Reply #1 on: August 21, 2010, 08:11:05 AM
Yay!  I love this stuff.  Here's mine:

THE CURIOUS JAR – A most unusual relic, difficult to describe.  It is primarily remarkable for its unremarkability.  It lay completely unnoticed for many years in a small antique shop in the south of France until Dr. Lambshead jostled it while reaching for a stuffed medusae.  He fumbled around on the floor for several minutes, seeking the item that had fallen, until he abruptly realized he was already holding it in his hand.  The shopkeeper professed to know nothing of the jar or its origins.  Indeed, it was most difficult to convince him to sell it as, throughout the conversation, he repeatedly forgot what item it was the Doctor wished to purchase. 

Visitors may feel free to test the properties of the jar themselves by placing a small object within and turning their backs for the count of three.  Management cannot be held responsible in the event of any losses.



Portrait in Flesh

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Reply #2 on: August 22, 2010, 01:18:02 AM
Drat, they already have a submission for Shatner's Toupee.   :-\

"Boys from the city.  Not yet caught by the whirlwind of Progress.  Feed soda pop to the thirsty pigs." --The Beast of Yucca Flats


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Reply #3 on: August 27, 2010, 01:52:55 AM
That's awesome!  I shall have to write up an entry myself.  There are a few people on there who seem to have ignored the one-entry-per-writer rule... several times.



Scattercat

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Reply #4 on: August 27, 2010, 01:55:59 AM
That's awesome!  I shall have to write up an entry myself.  There are a few people on there who seem to have ignored the one-entry-per-writer rule... several times.

A lot of people have done some surprisingly unappealing things, really; I'd have thought everyone would be best foot forward in that sort of situation, but go fig...



eytanz

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Reply #5 on: August 27, 2010, 08:21:16 AM
To be fair, looking at the rules, it's not clear whether the "limit one entry per writer" means "you can only submit one entry", or "we will only purchase one entry per writer", since it appears as part of the rule talking about their purchasing policy.



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Reply #6 on: August 27, 2010, 11:50:45 AM
To be fair, looking at the rules, it's not clear whether the "limit one entry per writer" means "you can only submit one entry", or "we will only purchase one entry per writer", since it appears as part of the rule talking about their purchasing policy.

It seemed pretty clear to me that it meant "you can only submit one entry", as the meaning of the word entry in this context is pretty specific, to me.




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Reply #7 on: August 27, 2010, 11:51:28 AM
Here's my lone entry (posted over there first).  :)

SANGUINAL FREQUENCY REGULATOR–Maker Jeremiah Pace pioneered many medical inventions more than a century before these technologies became mainstream. Foremost of value among these inventions is this miracle device that corrects heart arrythmias by regulating and even multiplying the heart’s own energy. This prototype unit exhibited a lone design flaw, which surely would have been resolved if not for Mr. Pace’s untimely death. If the subject becomes suddenly agitated, the resulting energy output of the unit increases exponentially. Mr. Pace’s tragic death occurred well before his prime, reputedly caused when this prototype’s flaw was triggered by a rival inventor’s newest work, the Joy Buzzer. Miraculously, this device survived the blast that destroyed Pace’s chest cavity. The greatest tragedy of all is that the instrument of his death enjoyed universal acclaim, while Pace’s trailblazing innovations have been all but lost in the mists of time.



eytanz

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Reply #8 on: August 27, 2010, 12:06:58 PM
Ok, I bit. Here's my entry:

MUMMIFIED EYEBALL – A mummified eyeball of unknown age and origin, its size and shape consistent with the eye of a human child. It is affixed to the end of a golden chain, of the type once commonly used for a gentleman’s pocket watch. At the end of the chain a yellowing tag remains, with a faded, handwritten price of 17.32 Deutsche mark still visible. On the back of the price-tag, the letters “E.M.S.?” are written in Dr. Lambhead’s own hand. When the eyeball is gently shaken and then held to one’s ear, it is possible to hear the faint but clearly discernible tune of “Three Blind Mice” emanating from within.



eytanz

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Reply #9 on: August 27, 2010, 12:08:37 PM
To be fair, looking at the rules, it's not clear whether the "limit one entry per writer" means "you can only submit one entry", or "we will only purchase one entry per writer", since it appears as part of the rule talking about their purchasing policy.

It seemed pretty clear to me that it meant "you can only submit one entry", as the meaning of the word entry in this context is pretty specific, to me.



Well, that's how interpreted it too. But I don't find it unreasonable that others would have interpeted it differently. The meaning of the word "entry" is not the cause of the confusion, it's the fact that the "one entry per writer" is not listed as its own rule but rather is part of the rule about how many entries will be purchased.



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Reply #10 on: August 27, 2010, 12:17:38 PM
D'oh, I just realized that I forgot to put my name at the end of the entry.  I hope they're not too picky about that.  Where's a "Modify" button when you need it?



FireTurtle

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Reply #11 on: August 27, 2010, 07:22:16 PM
What a fun little thingamabob!

Here's my entry so that you all can point out my grammatical errors and make me squirm in horror that the whole world can see them.

GEORGE ORWELL’S TEA COSY:
This remarkably soft and flexible example of cannibal handiwork was a gift to Orwell from a friend he met in Burma.  When cogitating over his stories, George was rumored to give the cosy remarkably complex up-dos.  He was often heard exclaiming that it was the most effective cosy he had ever owned and extolled the insulative virtues of a full head of hair.  According to the tag, the spout is intended to exit the right ear and the handle the left so that when tea is poured the face remains oriented to the guests.  Acquired from the artist's estate.
The pot's tag indicates it belonged to Dr. Lambhead’s private collection and has no association with Orwell or the cosy.

“My imagination makes me human and makes me a fool; it gives me all the world and exiles me from it.”
Ursula K. LeGuin


Seraphim

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Reply #12 on: August 28, 2010, 02:50:58 PM
I'm not sure I see the connection of the human head tea cozy to Orwell. Had it been the tea cozy of Lovecraft, or A. Crowley then it would seem more in keeping with their literary contributions. Had it been a pig head cozy for William Golding, that would have made sense to me too. Also in the second sentence I'm not so sure the word "cogitating" works, at least for me, since in my mind I want to supply a meaning there more at "rumination" rather than "cogitation." I also think it would flow a little better if the full head of hair were mentioned before the term "updos" since in the absence of the context of hair the reader may not be sure of the nature of the reference. My first thought was some sort of 1984ish New Speak. It was only on the second reading that the relation of that term to hair connected for me.



FireTurtle

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Reply #13 on: August 28, 2010, 07:27:46 PM
Ahh, Seraphim where have you been? Had I actually written my little blurby for your exclusive benefit I would have included more errors and definitely more obscure references to the bizarre habits of deceased 20th century authors. Thank you, I think, for your critique, since in posting my work here I was more or less asking for it I will take it to good heart.

I did actually spend quite a bit of time researching the history and popularity of the tea cosy and the "life and times" of several prominent British authors and explorers before settling on Orwell. In my mind, there is really no one who is likely to have a human head for a tea cosy and that is what made it unique. And frankly, if Vlad the Impaler had one, I wouldn't be surprised and it also wouldn't be nearly as odd as someone so awesomely British as Orwell having one. (I am not maligning those of the British persuasion here- mostly just following my own witless understanding of the very proper ritual of tea-serving that definitely does not exist in America.) 

For anyone who doubts the creativity of the average tea-obsessed individual- look up tea cosy in Google images. It nearly derailed me entirely. And yes, fascination with the bizarre need to give tea pots a sweater did make me write this.  ;D

“My imagination makes me human and makes me a fool; it gives me all the world and exiles me from it.”
Ursula K. LeGuin


knigget

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Reply #14 on: September 03, 2010, 03:24:15 AM
Thanks for the tip!

Here's my entry:

THE EMERALD CITY CANOPIC JARS, believed to be the repositories of organs used by the Wizard in his xenotransplantation experiments. The largest, empty but for traces of myelin, proved a DNA match for Ptolemy the Great; it most probably held Scarecrow’s Brain. The medium-sized jar yielded myosin and matched to Cleopatra, suggesting that it once contained Tin Man’s Heart. The source of Lion’s Courage had been the subject of lively and acrimonious debate until the discovery of haploid DNA matching Julius Caesar’s and fossilized fragments of a human vas deferens in the third, smallest, jar. –Anatoly Belilovsky

http://www.apoGrypha.blogspot.com

What would have been written. 

Spoiler (click to show/hide)


Seraphim

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Reply #15 on: September 03, 2010, 05:18:32 AM
Thank you I think for the reply...frankly I'm not sure if I irritated you, amused you, or puzzled you nor if anything I said was deemed useful as versus intrusive/unwelcome. Must be a dense week for me...oblivious to social cues and all that.



snap-hiss

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Reply #16 on: September 07, 2010, 02:05:42 AM
I threw my hat in the ring...

THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.  The end result of one of countless failed experiments performed by Dr. Q. Westmond Fields as recovered from his home laboratory shortly after his death.  A brown glass jar containing a partially petrified human eye with attached optic nerve, suspended in a formaldehyde and saline mixture.  The doctor’s personal journals (June 6, 1918 – Sept 22, 1918) discuss at length both the processes used in the attempted “recorpulization” of the organ, as well as the application of its use if and when the transformation could ever be completed.  The doctor speculated on all manner of practical applications from medical to military to alchemistic.

Cryptozoologists throughout the world continue to debate the validity of Dr. Fields’ claims of locating the so-called Chilean Medusa Beetle, as well as his journal’s allusions as to the fate of his life long assistant who apparently first stumbled upon the tiny Arthropod.   – Christopher Ryan

Swing by the Prehistory Ranch.


deflective

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Reply #17 on: September 07, 2010, 02:53:45 AM
QUILL OF THE MUSE -
What worlds this spine must hold, secrets shining.
Waiting time uncounted for hand and eye
To set to paper some half-formed inkling,
Fully versed before you need start to try.
Lifetimes past it was hidden in a fan,
Woven there by a hunting lady's hand.
She hoped to catch the eye of one high man;
A hint of promise, together they stand.
Now it is used as a pen yet again
And the black flowing ink is fierce in joy.
This quill of shining secrets, ragged pain,
The hand that holds it becomes a mere toy.
My only hope, the one thing left to pray,
Is release once my work is done today.


i wish that i had more experience with poetry so i could give this proper treatment.  the rhythm is crap but i don't have the time to get the tumpty-tumpty-tumpty right.  not gonna let that stop me from submitting it tho =P



snap-hiss

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Reply #18 on: September 07, 2010, 12:31:59 PM
Thanks for the tip!

Here's my entry:

THE EMERALD CITY CANOPIC JARS, believed to be the repositories of organs used by the Wizard in his xenotransplantation experiments. The largest, empty but for traces of myelin, proved a DNA match for Ptolemy the Great; it most probably held Scarecrow’s Brain. The medium-sized jar yielded myosin and matched to Cleopatra, suggesting that it once contained Tin Man’s Heart. The source of Lion’s Courage had been the subject of lively and acrimonious debate until the discovery of haploid DNA matching Julius Caesar’s and fossilized fragments of a human vas deferens in the third, smallest, jar. –Anatoly Belilovsky

Ok, I like this one. Too clever.

Swing by the Prehistory Ranch.


Portrait in Flesh

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Reply #19 on: September 07, 2010, 10:26:17 PM
* Portrait in Flesh rushes in and slaps the following down on the barrel-head:

DISCO INFERNO: Procured in 1979 from a John Doe patient in Ward 54 of the St. Vitus Home for Unbalanced Dancers. An original 13th century book reputedly penned by Dante Alighieri following an all night carousal on his 21st birthday involving Chianti. Discovered intact amid the rubble of the fire that consumed part of Dr. Lambshead’s collection; the flame retardant properties of the volume’s powder blue polyester dust cover spared it from being enGuelphed in tongues of flame. A steady four-on-the-floor rhythmic beat is felt whenever the tome is held. When it is opened, the mingled scents of Enjoli and Hai Karate waft over the reader and some readers experience a visual disturbance similar to a strobe light. However, excessive exposure to the book may lead to a “contact high” similar to the experience of ingesting of a moderate amount of cocaine or similar substances. –Ramona Gardea

"Boys from the city.  Not yet caught by the whirlwind of Progress.  Feed soda pop to the thirsty pigs." --The Beast of Yucca Flats


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Reply #20 on: September 09, 2010, 01:42:57 PM
* Portrait in Flesh rushes in and slaps the following down on the barrel-head:

DISCO INFERNO: Procured in 1979 from a John Doe patient in Ward 54 of the St. Vitus Home for Unbalanced Dancers. An original 13th century book reputedly penned by Dante Alighieri following an all night carousal on his 21st birthday involving Chianti. Discovered intact amid the rubble of the fire that consumed part of Dr. Lambshead’s collection; the flame retardant properties of the volume’s powder blue polyester dust cover spared it from being enGuelphed in tongues of flame. A steady four-on-the-floor rhythmic beat is felt whenever the tome is held. When it is opened, the mingled scents of Enjoli and Hai Karate waft over the reader and some readers experience a visual disturbance similar to a strobe light. However, excessive exposure to the book may lead to a “contact high” similar to the experience of ingesting of a moderate amount of cocaine or similar substances. –Ramona Gardea

I love it!
Partly because a remix of this song is on the DDR game for Wii that I own, and it periodically gets stuck in my head.



eytanz

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Reply #21 on: September 15, 2010, 11:06:18 AM
So, did anyone here get selected? I didn't recognize any names on the list, but then again I didn't carefully cross-reference this thread to the results posting.



Scattercat

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Reply #22 on: September 22, 2010, 05:38:07 AM
Not a whisper.  Apparently I should stick to writing humorous stories about cats.