@ThatOldCreep - I am so very sorry for the physical and emotional pain you've been put through. I can see how this story would resonate strongly for you. Even if you had had that disease, it still wouldn't be an excuse for rape. But you know that.
The two are not unrelated. I agree that much of it is about communication, but also to a large extent about consent.
She opened herself to him in a variety of ways, sexually at least (if not generally emotionally, although I think she had feelings for him she also kept many of her emotions locked up from him). But she drew the line at that one thing--he could do whatever else he wanted to do and she never complained, but that one thing she drew a clear line about. And he picked at that boundary. And picked at that boundary. And he pressured her about it, tried to cross that boundary while she was sleeping or otherwise distracted, kept picking at it for years and years and years and years, even though she drew a crystal clear boundary across this one thing that she wanted to keep for herself. And in the end she finally gave in, but at that point was it really consent, if she only gave in because she was constantly wearied by his picking and picking and picking and picking? It was more of a surrender out of weariness than an agreement, IMO. Maybe the difference isn't always easy to discern, but here since she had made it very very clear time and time again that this was a line she didn't care to cross and he kept poking at it, that this was surrender rather than agreement. And that's all taken out of the context of the rest of his treatment toward her, which was more real-life and horrifying in most ways (I don't know anyone who actually has a ribbon holding their head on that draws the line there, but the "husband stitch" is a real thing and a horrible one).
This was the first time I'd heard of "the husband stitch". Seriously, WTF is wrong with people.
Thank you, this is exactly how I saw the story, except I totally did see it as an issue of consent, not communication. And I remember a relationship where my partner was always pushing, pushing, pushing for more, and yes, sometimes I gave in out of weariness. And yes, I thought generally he was a good guy. And I'm not even looking up the husband stitch; I didn't even think about the name of the story as I was listening, and without looking it up, I have a pretty good guess what it's about. I wrote a paper on female genital mutilation in high school. *shudder* Horrific word: infibulation
This story also resonates with some podcasts I've been listening to recently about a new book about young women and sex. Apparently young women typically prioritize their partners' needs over their own, ie, "If he has an orgasm, then it was good."
Sorry, scattered thoughts because I'm at home with a massive cold that makes it hard for me to think.