EP169: How I Mounted Goldie, Saved My Partner Lori, and Sniffed Out The People’s

[Russell Nash]

EP169: How I Mounted Goldie, Saved My Partner Lori, and Sniffed Out The People’s Justice

By Jonathon Sullivan.
Read by Stephen Eley and Jennifer Bowie (of Screen Space).

Q: What happened when you arrived at the address in question?

A: My Partner Lori opened my door and I jumped out. I arrested a suspect!

Q: Yes, Officer Bull. But I would like you to tell me exactly what happened, in detail, from the time you got out of the car.

A: Okay. My skulltop showed me which house, and I ran toward it. A man and three dogs ran out the door. One of them was a bitch with pretty haunches. She was in heat, and I really really really liked the way she smelled. I wanted to run after her, but I knew I should go after the man. So I did. Even though I liked the way she smelled!

Rated R. Contains profanity, violence, and canine sexuality.


Referenced Sites:
CrimeWAV Crime Fiction Podcast



Listen to this week’s Escape Pod!

[Russell Nash]

The first episode title that was too long for the thread title. 

[Void Munashii]

  Wow, I think this title may be longer than last week's story 

  I was really glad that this was a fun story, as I really needed one of those this week.

  The world created in this story sounds like an interesting one, and while there was not a lot of world-building for the sake of world-building, there was enough presented in the course of the story to not leave me with a bunch of questions about how things are the way they are.

  I really enjoyed the reading on this one. Although it was very tiring to listen to (I can only imagine trying to read a whole story that way), Steve's characterization of Bull was exactly what I would expect a hyper dog to sound like. If not for that one little glitch at the very end it would have been a perfect read.

  Finally, I loved the flash piece at the end. Yes, I know it was not technically a flash piece, but I loved it when I read it on the boards, and it was fun to hear it on the show.

[Swamp]

This was very entertaining!  I think the this is the first time I have laughed almost every time the protagonist used the F word.  I usually find it tiring an unnecessary, but, for this story, it is a quite humorous device.

So is Sullydog just trying to live up to his name?  He did a good job.

As for the reading:

Steve, you did a REALLY GOOD JOB!  Goooood boy!   ::rubs Steve's ears::

[wintermute]

I loved this. It's always nice to see a fictional police officer that doesn't see the law as being something you need to work around to get the bad guys. I can't think of anything I didn't like about this one.

[deflective]

excellent story, definitely would download again! this is a buddy cop movie i want to see.

crimwav isn't bad either. i suggest starting with the fourth podcast: the cutman. the first story could put you off, i probably wouldn't have listened any further if i started with it.

[Talia]

Great fun. A very accurate representation of what I think a canine mind would be like. Admittedly I got a bit irked after the 12,000th repetition of "I liked that!".. but that definitely strikes me as a doglike trait, so rather than being a bad thing, I think its just "realistic" as it were. And I must say, in regards to the reading, the mid-story petulant "No.." with the unspoken "well," before it was awesome. Kudos.

[DarkKnightJRK]

Man, this needs to have it's own series, if not just for the main character alone.

[AarrowOM]

Though I've never had a dog (or a cat), I must commend Steve's voice acting: he sounded exactly like I imagine a [technologically] uplifted canine would sound.  Likewise, Jennifer Bowie did an exceptional job playing the part of an investigator who had to put up with said uplifted canine.

With regards to the story content itself, I commend Jonathon Sullivan's subtle, but effective world building.  For instance and based on nothing more than contextual evidence, it seems as if uplifted dogs have legal rights comparable to those given to humans. 

While some may decry the lack of technological specificity with regards to the skulltops or weapons packs, I would argue that anything beyond the brief mentions provided would have degraded the overall tone and style of the piece.  After all, how many of us could explain how a modern computer works (or would want to if we were characters in an sf story)?  Wait, scratch that, this is Escape Pod's audience...

What I most enjoyed about this story was that it reminded me just how good those involved with Escape Artists are.  Personally, I'd like to see more from those who are usually behind the scenes.

As for the flash piece by Ragtime, I can say nothing but "Wow."  I hope s/he takes Steve up on the offer to move to the top of the slush pile.

[mccornwall]

  This had to be about my favorite Escape Pod ever.  I was out mowing and I was laughing so hard I about fell off the tractor.  I have a good friend who's an ex-canine officer with whom I'm going to have to share this.  I hope he gets as big a kick out of it as I did.  Great stories while I'm out mowing...I like that!!

BTW, I had a big brother moment when I was registering to use the forums...my visual cue text ended in RPH and of course I *AM* an RPh (Registered Pharmacist).  How'd you do that Steve?

Thanks for Escape Pod.

[alllie]

That was great fun. I really enjoyed it. Steve’s and Jennifer Bowie’s narration was great, the story was fun and, as Void Munashii pointed out, the world-building was very good too.

As DarkKnightJRK said “Man, this needs to have it's own series, if not just for the main character alone.” I think I would like to hear another adventure with Lori and Officer Bull.

I’m an animal lover, dogs, cats and everything else, but I do think that some of my dogs would be very much like Officer Bull if they were uplifted, if not so obedient.

[spiffytech]

I liked this story quite a bit. It was a nice change from EscapePod's more recent trend of dark/depressing stories, and I liked the anthropomorphic element. I didn't like the unnecessary and frequent use of vulgar language, though. I can accept when a couple such words show up in a story, but I don't like to see such language frequently cried out in a story just for the sake of crying it out.

[cuddlebug]

I liked this story quite a bit. It was a nice change from EscapePod's more recent trend of dark/depressing stories, and I liked the anthropomorphic element. I didn't like the unnecessary and frequent use of vulgar language, though. I can accept when a couple such words show up in a story, but I don't like to see such language frequently cried out in a story just for the sake of crying it out.

I would normally agree with you on this, but the vulgar language was an essential aspect of the characterization which would otherwise not have worked as well. Using the word *FUCK* so much was a way of showing Bull's dedication to his partner, his admiration for her and his loyalty. He tried to impress her and just like little children he does so by imitating her behavior. And he did not really understand or have the sensitivity to appropriate use of language or using language in the correct register in any case. Besides, isn't swearing a commonly used aspect of the police subculture anyway (certainly in movies and TV)? I personally cannot imagine cops speaking in any other way. Not knowing any policewomen/-men personally I have to base my judgement of their behavior on what I see on TV and there they certainly use *FUCK* a lot.

[deflective]

it reminded me of the call of the wild where Buck associated cursing with love because that's how his owner played with him.

[Talia]

I liked this story quite a bit. It was a nice change from EscapePod's more recent trend of dark/depressing stories, and I liked the anthropomorphic element. I didn't like the unnecessary and frequent use of vulgar language, though. I can accept when a couple such words show up in a story, but I don't like to see such language frequently cried out in a story just for the sake of crying it out.

I would normally agree with you on this, but the vulgar language was an essential aspect of the characterization which would otherwise not have worked as well. Using the word *FUCK* so much was a way of showing Bull's dedication to his partner, his admiration for her and his loyalty. He tried to impress her and just like little children he does so by imitating her behavior. And he did not really understand or have the sensitivity to appropriate use of language or using language in the correct register in any case. Besides, isn't swearing a commonly used aspect of the police subculture anyway (certainly in movies and TV)? I personally cannot imagine cops speaking in any other way. Not knowing any policewomen/-men personally I have to base my judgement of their behavior on what I see on TV and there they certainly use *FUCK* a lot.

I'd add further that's also in keeping with what I've observed of actual canine behavior. I imagine if dogs could talk, this would be a not infrequent occurance

[stePH]

excellent story, definitely would download again! this is a buddy cop movie i want to see.

crimwav isn't bad either. i suggest starting with the fourth podcast: the cutman. the first story could put you off, i probably wouldn't have listened any further if i started with it.

I got "Cut Man" in the Variant Frequencies feed.  Good story, but I don't usually seek out crime fiction as a genre (Donald Westlake being the exception) so I probably won't subscribe to CrimeWAV.

Oh, and I still have about ten or fifteen minutes left to listen to yet, but I'm enjoying Sullivan's story quite a bit.  I had no great opinion of "Imperial" but this one more than makes up for it.

[DarkKnightJRK]

Oh, and speaking of Crimewav (excellent 'cast, by the way--made me finally clamp down and get into the Jack Palms series), I'll reiterate what Deflective said and heed the warning on the second episode--if you have a weak stomach, don't listen to it, just know that it...doesn't end well for just about anyone in this story. Well, except for the monkies. Espicially Big Man.

[CammoBlammo]

This is the best EP I've heard in a while.

Hmm, I don't think I can add anything else!

[Windup]

That was a great story, and I agree with those who thought Steve captured the what a speaking canine would sound like with his voice characterization.  And the author did a great job of dealing with the implications of a world with sentient canines, and Reality TV run amok.  With Wintermute, I have to add my vote for being happy to see a fictional police officer for whom the law is something to be respected, not undermined.  (Now if we could only insert that mindset into the current Justice Department...)

Was the bit with the judge near the end an editing error, or was the judge (AI?!?) supposed to be conferring with another party off-line?  I couldn't tell for sure.

[Ocicat]

Best.  Reading.  Ever.

Great story too - one clearly written to be read aloud.  Probably written specifically to be read aloud by Steve.  And it worked.  But right, I was going to talk about the story... beyond the obviously cool and funny dog POV, I really liked the plot itself.  The vigilante group / reality TV show was a great idea, and great social commentary.  And there were just enough twists with the police commissioner double crossing, and double crossing again.  The action scenes were more exciting than they had any right to be, considering they were delivered in the form of a debriefing interview.  And there was a lot to chew on, from animal rights of the "uplifted" dogs, to Law vs. Justice.

So Sully - Good dog.  Smart dog.  Good boy.

[Darwinist]

I liked that!  Excellent.  Steve's reading was perfect.  I think that's how my doggies would sound if they could talk - it would be cool for a while and then it would drive you nuts.  Great stuff.   Will listen again this week.

I could relate to the dog person / cat person stuff.  I had cats for 14 years and now have a large dog and a giant dog.      

[slic]

I agree with everyone that reading definitely is how I imagine an uplifted collie or lab would speak - Steve did an excellent job.  However, after about 15 minutes in I was pretty worn out with it.  And I can't imagine that even the dog would have kept it up for the entire debriefing.  Perhaps a modulation of the excitement would have been better.  Listening, I had some trouble distinguishing when an important or exciting event took place - the dog thought everything was 10/10.

The simple-mindedness, almost Forrest Gump like intelligence of the dog, got me to thinking about how it makes human-logic sense that we might specifically only uplift animals we know to be loyal, and that we'd make sure they were just a bit dumber than us.  I know of David Brin's series, but I'm curious if there are any other stories/books of the same nature.

I wasn't sure (and it's no fault of the story) if (and if so why) only police dogs were uplifted - I'd suspect that some people would love the idea of an more intelligent companion.

[ryos]

What a fun story! Excellently written and perfectly presented.

I usually think profanity is mis- and over-used in fiction. I think the world could do with far less of it. This is not a popular thing to say on the Internet, as it seems most people believe that "fuck" is a very versatile and satisfying word and feel they should practice using it. Nevertheless, perhaps because I'm a glutton for punishment, I'll say that most profanity could be replaced with grunts and nothing would be lost but unpleasant linguistic connotations. I hate when people who are more than capable of eloquently expressing themselves (as most published writers are) revert instead to callous babbling profanity.

I tell you this so you'll understand that it's a big deal for me to say that I enjoyed (some of) the profanity in this story. It was actually well-used, and even occasionally made me laugh. It's stories like these that keep me from automatically skipping stories that Steve has rated "R", even though I often wish I had.

One last comment, about the outtro. Ragtime, my hat's off to you man, that was beautiful. Thanks to Steve for sharing it, since (as my post count shows) I've only recently started reading the forums.

Also, I thought I'd point out that the promo for "Crimewav" did not make me want to go listen. In fact, it completely turned me off to the whole idea. It wasn't the content so much as the delivery. The promoter read his lines with a faux-homey flair that fell completely flat. I'm sure that at least some of my irritation was due to the contrast to Steves straight-up delivery. I thought, "If this is what they're serving, I'm not interested."

In fact, this is not the first time this has happened with a podcast promotion on Escape Pod. The content interests, but the delivery deters. Just thought you might like to know.

[arcsine]

people who are more than capable of eloquently expressing themselves (as most published writers are) ...

If fuck is good enough for them, it's good enough for me.

I have zero negative reaction to the curses a writer chooses to use in the vocabulary of the characters he or she develops. The language used by the characters is a very important to a writer.

I disagree with anyone who suggests that certain language was unnecessary, could be replaced by grunts, or could simply be stated more politely. It's part of the art of writing to choose the dialog that fits the characters.

I don't imagine I can argue anyone out of disliking curses in stories. But, all the complaints are really very superficial and exaggerated.

[CammoBlammo]

In comedy you'll often find comedians relying on expletives to get laughs, and it often smacks of desperation. That's not to say it isn't always called for, but it's the grown up (or perhaps not) version of a ten year old saying 'boobie' so people will think he's funny.

That being said, profanity can have it's place and it's use can be funny. I thought it's use in this story was hilarious and perfectly appropriate. Much more would have been too much, but that just goes to the skill of both Sully-dog and Steve to get it exactly right.

The only problem was it didn't pass the mother-in-law test---if this story had played with my mother-in-law and my children in the car I'd never be allowed to listen to another EP again. A warning would have been nice. Still, the unexpectedness of it made it that little bit better.

In my earlier post I forgot to mention what a great job I thought Steve did with the reading. That must have taken a lot of energy, and to keep it up for that long was nothing short of heroic. Somebody deserves a Scooby snack!